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Self harm

L

Lostlady333

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
227
Location
Christchurch
I don’t want to trigger anyone here.

Does anyone have the urge to SH and when you do it, you hate yourself even more, because it hurts, it leaves marks and scars. And you feel ashamed if anyone sees or asks about it. I know there are alternatives. Every time I tell myself I won’t do it again, but then I do. Why do we feel like we deserve to hurt?
 
Bod

Bod

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Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
7,848
Location
Pretty Good
I do get the urge every now and then, but I can control it as I self harmed from the age of 10 up to 40 when my life took and total and dramatic turn for the best. A mental health charity saved my life and I am forever grateful and thankful to them for that, I had to go through many hours weeks days and years to get to where I am today as with the caring and loving help from my therapist I had to dig very deep in my mind of trauma to find out why I had self harmed for so long. It has been 20 years since I self harmed but it has taken me a very long time to get to where I am today, as I thought I self harmed to cope because I hated my self self loathed ashamed disgusted pained total hatred of ME no self esteem at all that was then. Now I forgave my self because of the pain I put my mind and body through I respect my self now I actually can say I love my self I have also forgiven those who abused and hurt me and one other main thing today I am at PEACE with my self.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
1,935
I don’t want to trigger anyone here.

Does anyone have the urge to SH and when you do it, you hate yourself even more, because it hurts, it leaves marks and scars. And you feel ashamed if anyone sees or asks about it. I know there are alternatives. Every time I tell myself I won’t do it again, but then I do. Why do we feel like we deserve to hurt?
When I would get the urge to SH and I indulged it, I definitely didn't hate myself afterwards. If anything, I think I felt more self-hatred just before it. After it, I'd feel a bit numb and a bit relieved. Later, I would just feel...lost.
 
LearntheEssentials

LearntheEssentials

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
416
Location
Germany
Does anyone have the urge to SH and when you do it, you hate yourself even more, because it hurts, it leaves marks and scars.
Yes i do. Hate is a pretty strong word, i would say im dissapointed in myself for not being able to fight the urge.
 
A

ape130

Active member
Joined
Oct 18, 2021
Messages
35
Location
Utah
I think the answer to why we feel like we deserve to hurt is very individual. For me I think it's because of past trauma and feeling that shame be triggered or the fact that I feel like I'm no good for anything.
 
DwarfRabbit

DwarfRabbit

Active member
Joined
Jun 30, 2020
Messages
32
Location
Germany
I don’t want to trigger anyone here.

Does anyone have the urge to SH and when you do it, you hate yourself even more, because it hurts, it leaves marks and scars. And you feel ashamed if anyone sees or asks about it. I know there are alternatives. Every time I tell myself I won’t do it again, but then I do. Why do we feel like we deserve to hurt?
I have the urge to SH because I want to realease my tension. I want these emotions to stop and I want to distract myself. Well yeah, I'm ashamed of my scars. I don't want anyone to see them. I'm ashamed of what I did to myself and body. The thing is SH doesn't really hurt that bad anymore. At some point it doesn't hurt at all but I still have the urge to do it again. To feel the pain. Even though I am embarrassed, I want to see the scars that are left to remind me of the (emotional) pain.
 
A

ape130

Active member
Joined
Oct 18, 2021
Messages
35
Location
Utah
I have the urge to SH because I want to realease my tension. I want these emotions to stop and I want to distract myself. Well yeah, I'm ashamed of my scars. I don't want anyone to see them. I'm ashamed of what I did to myself and body. The thing is SH doesn't really hurt that bad anymore. At some point it doesn't hurt at all but I still have the urge to do it again. To feel the pain. Even though I am embarrassed, I want to see the scars that are left to remind me of the (emotional) pain.
I totally can relate to a lot of what you've said! How it doesn't hurt after a while and how you want to see the scars to remind you of the emotional pain. One thing that started to scare me though with my own experience, is that I started doing more significant damage when I"d SH because I didn't really feel the pain with superficial stuff anymore.
 
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