• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Self harm

L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
I hurt myself today. I’ve was so happy throughout the week and I just crashed. I felt as though I had to be punished as I feel like I’m not taking good care of my dog. I’m worried I’m not exercising him enough, I posted on here yesterday about it.

he’s happy and healthy but I feel like I’m failing him. I love him so much. I just felt like I had to be punished. I feel so guilty, what if I’m a bad person? I always claim to love animals but what if I’m abusing/neglecting him? Would he still act happy and be healthy?
He’s never left alone for more than and hour (if that) and is almost always with my brothers dog as well.

I don’t want to hurt myself again. And I don’t want to hurt my dog either (I never physically hurt him - but what if I’m not taking good care of him?) I feel like such a failure.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
England
Can you walk your dog rather than punish yourself for not walking your dog?

Was there a mental block between the feeling guilty and then walking the dog?

I understand those feelings of guilt, we talked about it and lots of other people did too. Is it pain over failing at something? Your dog seems to be very well looked after so this is actually something you are doing very well at. You sound like you have high expectations for yourself. It is ok to fall short sometimes.

I say to my cat, i'm sorry i am too tired to play, you deserve better than me, i will make it up to your tomorrow. It is hard keeping a pet with mental health problems, but i think we also have a special gift to give these pets, so much love. Most of our pets on this forum are not left alone all day. They are walked so much, brushed, cuddled, fed, talked to.

Do you watch RSPCA rescue? I hope not, because those who get very low probably should not watch anything like that, but there is no way ever you would be like those people.

You could have a piece of paper stuck to your kitchen cupboard, and write on it all of the things you need to do for your dog every day. The basics that your dog needs, and make sure you do them. Just the very basics.

There could be another piece of paper with a weekly dog care list.

This might stop you fretting over whether you have done everything.

Please be kind to yourself
Tawny and Cat x
 
L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
Can you walk your dog rather than punish yourself for not walking your dog?

Was there a mental block between the feeling guilty and then walking the dog?

I understand those feelings of guilt, we talked about it and lots of other people did too. Is it pain over failing at something? Your dog seems to be very well looked after so this is actually something you are doing very well at. You sound like you have high expectations for yourself. It is ok to fall short sometimes.

I say to my cat, i'm sorry i am too tired to play, you deserve better than me, i will make it up to your tomorrow. It is hard keeping a pet with mental health problems, but i think we also have a special gift to give these pets, so much love. Most of our pets on this forum are not left alone all day. They are walked so much, brushed, cuddled, fed, talked to.

Do you watch RSPCA rescue? I hope not, because those who get very low probably should not watch anything like that, but there is no way ever you would be like those people.

You could have a piece of paper stuck to your kitchen cupboard, and write on it all of the things you need to do for your dog every day. The basics that your dog needs, and make sure you do them. Just the very basics.

There could be another piece of paper with a weekly dog care list.

This might stop you fretting over whether you have done everything.

Please be kind to yourself
Tawny and Cat x
Thanks this has helped me a lot. He gets walked 2x every day and has access to a garden at all times but I’m just worried I’m not doing enough for him. He gets a lot of attention as I have a big family. We were playing fetch at the beach today and had a nice time but we don’t do that all the time. He only goes to the beach at the weekend. I play with him more indoors than outdoors - is that bad?
 
L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
Thanks this has helped me a lot. He gets walked 2x every day and has access to a garden at all times but I’m just worried I’m not doing enough for him. He gets a lot of attention as I have a big family. We were playing fetch at the beach today and had a nice time but we don’t do that all the time. He only goes to the beach at the weekend. I play with him more indoors than outdoors - is that bad?
He even sleeps in my bed or my parents bed. So he’s not even left alone at night either
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
England
My cat is an indoor cat. I feel very guilty about this but i also would be worried about her being outside in the area i live. In some countries, big cities, places where there are wild animals outside who kill cats, cats are kept indoors. In Asian countries they treat their cats like babies, and they live in high rise blocks of flats, some may say that is cruel but at least the cat is loved, played with. A fake bird, is that different to a real bird? Yes, but...

If a cat is unhappy, they will let you know. They will pee everywhere for one thing. If my cat wants to play, she will tell me. If she is restless, irritated, she lets me know. Are dogs the same?

I have never had a dog, but i know people who walk their twice a day, short walk. Then at the weekend they do something more fun, outdoors, lots of exercise and new stimulation, smells, fun, wildness.

What do the official websites say? RSPCA? for your dog breed? there must be official guidelines that you can check?

You could ask the vets, or the people who know lots about the breed?
 
L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
My cat is an indoor cat. I feel very guilty about this but i also would be worried about her being outside in the area i live. In some countries, big cities, places where there are wild animals outside who kill cats, cats are kept indoors. In Asian countries they treat their cats like babies, and they live in high rise blocks of flats, some may say that is cruel but at least the cat is loved, played with. A fake bird, is that different to a real bird? Yes, but...

If a cat is unhappy, they will let you know. They will pee everywhere for one thing. If my cat wants to play, she will tell me. If she is restless, irritated, she lets me know. Are dogs the same?

I have never had a dog, but i know people who walk their twice a day, short walk. Then at the weekend they do something more fun, outdoors, lots of exercise and new stimulation, smells, fun, wildness.

What do the official websites say? RSPCA? for your dog breed? there must be official guidelines that you can check?

You could ask the vets, or the people who know lots about the breed?
I read somewhere that 30 mins at minimum (which he gets at least that) For his breed. I’ll maybe talk to the vet. I read that under exercised dogs are disruptive and misbehave. But my dogs is well behaved and isn’t disruptive. He barks quite a bit (only when people come to visit or another animal invades his territory) but his breed is quite yappy anyway, they are very vocal dogs.

I have a neighbour who keeps indoor cats and they seem really well loved.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
England
I'd love her to be free to chase birds and butterflies, smell the soil, lay on the grass, but i have made an indoor garden for her which she loves. We just have to do what we think is best at the time and what we can manage don't we. Some day my cat will have a house and maybe garden. She will always have the best of whatever i can get for her. Right now it is not ideal, but she seems happy.

My neighbour's dogs are the most exercised dogs ever, they go camping, hiking etc and they always bark in the garden to ward off cats, birds, ice cream vans even. I think that is normal for it to happen a few times a day. The couple both work all day, shift work, and the dogs are kept in.

I think the worst thing anyone can do is let their dog become obese, or cat. Next to that would be yelling or punishing. I'm not thinking about other cruelty, as that is a whole other thing. My last cat was a little overweight though, but i was trying to help her slim down with no treats, diet food, more exercise. I felt very guilty but took action.

Jot those basic tasks down and then you know what you have to do, and will get to the end of the day feeling confident you have done what was needed.

Do you play in the garden a little bit? Indoor cats need 10 mins play morning and evening, minimum. That is achievable. I do more when i can. We play all day long though but sometimes i sleep too much. I try to make it up to her in the evening when i am more awake. My cousin comes over twice a week and plays with her full on so that is good. Do you have any help?
 
L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
I'd love her to be free to chase birds and butterflies, smell the soil, lay on the grass, but i have made an indoor garden for her which she loves. We just have to do what we think is best at the time and what we can manage don't we. Some day my cat will have a house and maybe garden. She will always have the best of whatever i can get for her. Right now it is not ideal, but she seems happy.

My neighbour's dogs are the most exercised dogs ever, they go camping, hiking etc and they always bark in the garden to ward off cats, birds, ice cream vans even. I think that is normal for it to happen a few times a day. The couple both work all day, shift work, and the dogs are kept in.

I think the worst thing anyone can do is let their dog become obese, or cat. Next to that would be yelling or punishing. I'm not thinking about other cruelty, as that is a whole other thing. My last cat was a little overweight though, but i was trying to help her slim down with no treats, diet food, more exercise. I felt very guilty but took action.

Jot those basic tasks down and then you know what you have to do, and will get to the end of the day feeling confident you have done what was needed.

Do you play in the garden a little bit? Indoor cats need 10 mins play morning and evening, minimum. That is achievable. I do more when i can. We play all day long though but sometimes i sleep too much. I try to make it up to her in the evening when i am more awake. My cousin comes over twice a week and plays with her full on so that is good. Do you have any help?
He plays in the garden with my brothers dog. I play with him indoors each day with his favourite toys (also my brothers kids do as well, and my parents) or we play fetch at the beach, is this bad?
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
England
It sounds good to me, but i don't know much about dogs other than what i see others doing. I wish i lived on a farm and my cat could roam. I don't though. As long as your dog is clean, healthy, gets exercise each day, is loved, i think that is ok. 30 mins for the breed you said? Is that running or walking or playing? Running around the garden with another dog is great, fetch at the beach once a week? that is great.

How old is your dog? Does that make a difference?

Cats get something called zoomies. They build energy up every day and need to let it all out. I start her off, play with string, then she is off on her own, wild cat, flying around room to room, up her cat trees, under the table, zooming around.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
England
I have just read that brisk walking is good enough for a dog.

But they need some off-lead exercise time. That is easy to say but it is not possible for everyone, unless they have a garden. Many beaches don't allow dogs, where i live.

30 mins per day, minimum, official advice. One walk, better to have 2 walks per day though. This is what i have read just now.

Are you able to do that? morning and afternoon? I am sure most people fail in that. It says at least once a day for 30 mins. Can you do that?
 
L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
I have just read that brisk walking is good enough for a dog.

But they need some off-lead exercise time. That is easy to say but it is not possible for everyone, unless they have a garden. Many beaches don't allow dogs, where i live.

30 mins per day, minimum, official advice. One walk, better to have 2 walks per day though. This is what i have read just now.

Are you able to do that? morning and afternoon? I am sure most people fail in that. It says at least once a day for 30 mins. Can you do that?
Yeah that’s what he gets - a walk in the morning and then a run around at the beach or another safe enclosed area where he can be free to run around and explore at night and access to our garden all day. I’m going to start squeezing in an extra walk though - it’ll probably do me good too
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
England
So he gets a morning walk, perfect. That is the essential one.

An evening run too? That is an extra one, but you do it every day :) I would think that if sometimes you cannot manage that, it is ok.

An 3rd walk, maybe that is too much pressure? On you both. Not essential.

You don't have anything to feel guilty about :)
 
L

Lori_2315

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2020
Messages
86
Location
Scotland
So he gets a morning walk, perfect. That is the essential one.

An evening run too? That is an extra one, but you do it every day :) I would think that if sometimes you cannot manage that, it is ok.

An 3rd walk, maybe that is too much pressure? On you both. Not essential.

You don't have anything to feel guilty about :)
How do you think this sounds (I’m not being bitchy or anything, it just got me thinking) I have a neighbour who walks their dog at 5 am (around the block) and that’s it. Do you think that’s right or do you think what I do ok too
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
620
Location
UK
I hurt myself today. I’ve was so happy throughout the week and I just crashed. I felt as though I had to be punished as I feel like I’m not taking good care of my dog. I’m worried I’m not exercising him enough, I posted on here yesterday about it.

he’s happy and healthy but I feel like I’m failing him. I love him so much. I just felt like I had to be punished. I feel so guilty, what if I’m a bad person? I always claim to love animals but what if I’m abusing/neglecting him? Would he still act happy and be healthy?
He’s never left alone for more than and hour (if that) and is almost always with my brothers dog as well.

I don’t want to hurt myself again. And I don’t want to hurt my dog either (I never physically hurt him - but what if I’m not taking good care of him?) I feel like such a failure.
False perception on your animals is not a good reason to self harm. You said yourself that they are healthy, even if you did wrong, you can always come back from it. Just be more determined to do the right things for your animals.
 
Top