• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Self harm

L

Lori_2315

Guest
I hurt myself today. I’ve was so happy throughout the week and I just crashed. I felt as though I had to be punished as I feel like I’m not taking good care of my dog. I’m worried I’m not exercising him enough, I posted on here yesterday about it.

he’s happy and healthy but I feel like I’m failing him. I love him so much. I just felt like I had to be punished. I feel so guilty, what if I’m a bad person? I always claim to love animals but what if I’m abusing/neglecting him? Would he still act happy and be healthy?
He’s never left alone for more than and hour (if that) and is almost always with my brothers dog as well.

I don’t want to hurt myself again. And I don’t want to hurt my dog either (I never physically hurt him - but what if I’m not taking good care of him?) I feel like such a failure.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
Can you walk your dog rather than punish yourself for not walking your dog?

Was there a mental block between the feeling guilty and then walking the dog?

I understand those feelings of guilt, we talked about it and lots of other people did too. Is it pain over failing at something? Your dog seems to be very well looked after so this is actually something you are doing very well at. You sound like you have high expectations for yourself. It is ok to fall short sometimes.

I say to my cat, i'm sorry i am too tired to play, you deserve better than me, i will make it up to your tomorrow. It is hard keeping a pet with mental health problems, but i think we also have a special gift to give these pets, so much love. Most of our pets on this forum are not left alone all day. They are walked so much, brushed, cuddled, fed, talked to.

Do you watch RSPCA rescue? I hope not, because those who get very low probably should not watch anything like that, but there is no way ever you would be like those people.

You could have a piece of paper stuck to your kitchen cupboard, and write on it all of the things you need to do for your dog every day. The basics that your dog needs, and make sure you do them. Just the very basics.

There could be another piece of paper with a weekly dog care list.

This might stop you fretting over whether you have done everything.

Please be kind to yourself
Tawny and Cat x
 
L

Lori_2315

Guest
Can you walk your dog rather than punish yourself for not walking your dog?

Was there a mental block between the feeling guilty and then walking the dog?

I understand those feelings of guilt, we talked about it and lots of other people did too. Is it pain over failing at something? Your dog seems to be very well looked after so this is actually something you are doing very well at. You sound like you have high expectations for yourself. It is ok to fall short sometimes.

I say to my cat, i'm sorry i am too tired to play, you deserve better than me, i will make it up to your tomorrow. It is hard keeping a pet with mental health problems, but i think we also have a special gift to give these pets, so much love. Most of our pets on this forum are not left alone all day. They are walked so much, brushed, cuddled, fed, talked to.

Do you watch RSPCA rescue? I hope not, because those who get very low probably should not watch anything like that, but there is no way ever you would be like those people.

You could have a piece of paper stuck to your kitchen cupboard, and write on it all of the things you need to do for your dog every day. The basics that your dog needs, and make sure you do them. Just the very basics.

There could be another piece of paper with a weekly dog care list.

This might stop you fretting over whether you have done everything.

Please be kind to yourself
Tawny and Cat x
Thanks this has helped me a lot. He gets walked 2x every day and has access to a garden at all times but I’m just worried I’m not doing enough for him. He gets a lot of attention as I have a big family. We were playing fetch at the beach today and had a nice time but we don’t do that all the time. He only goes to the beach at the weekend. I play with him more indoors than outdoors - is that bad?
 
L

Lori_2315

Guest
Thanks this has helped me a lot. He gets walked 2x every day and has access to a garden at all times but I’m just worried I’m not doing enough for him. He gets a lot of attention as I have a big family. We were playing fetch at the beach today and had a nice time but we don’t do that all the time. He only goes to the beach at the weekend. I play with him more indoors than outdoors - is that bad?
He even sleeps in my bed or my parents bed. So he’s not even left alone at night either
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
My cat is an indoor cat. I feel very guilty about this but i also would be worried about her being outside in the area i live. In some countries, big cities, places where there are wild animals outside who kill cats, cats are kept indoors. In Asian countries they treat their cats like babies, and they live in high rise blocks of flats, some may say that is cruel but at least the cat is loved, played with. A fake bird, is that different to a real bird? Yes, but...

If a cat is unhappy, they will let you know. They will pee everywhere for one thing. If my cat wants to play, she will tell me. If she is restless, irritated, she lets me know. Are dogs the same?

I have never had a dog, but i know people who walk their twice a day, short walk. Then at the weekend they do something more fun, outdoors, lots of exercise and new stimulation, smells, fun, wildness.

What do the official websites say? RSPCA? for your dog breed? there must be official guidelines that you can check?

You could ask the vets, or the people who know lots about the breed?
 
L

Lori_2315

Guest
My cat is an indoor cat. I feel very guilty about this but i also would be worried about her being outside in the area i live. In some countries, big cities, places where there are wild animals outside who kill cats, cats are kept indoors. In Asian countries they treat their cats like babies, and they live in high rise blocks of flats, some may say that is cruel but at least the cat is loved, played with. A fake bird, is that different to a real bird? Yes, but...

If a cat is unhappy, they will let you know. They will pee everywhere for one thing. If my cat wants to play, she will tell me. If she is restless, irritated, she lets me know. Are dogs the same?

I have never had a dog, but i know people who walk their twice a day, short walk. Then at the weekend they do something more fun, outdoors, lots of exercise and new stimulation, smells, fun, wildness.

What do the official websites say? RSPCA? for your dog breed? there must be official guidelines that you can check?

You could ask the vets, or the people who know lots about the breed?
I read somewhere that 30 mins at minimum (which he gets at least that) For his breed. I’ll maybe talk to the vet. I read that under exercised dogs are disruptive and misbehave. But my dogs is well behaved and isn’t disruptive. He barks quite a bit (only when people come to visit or another animal invades his territory) but his breed is quite yappy anyway, they are very vocal dogs.

I have a neighbour who keeps indoor cats and they seem really well loved.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
I'd love her to be free to chase birds and butterflies, smell the soil, lay on the grass, but i have made an indoor garden for her which she loves. We just have to do what we think is best at the time and what we can manage don't we. Some day my cat will have a house and maybe garden. She will always have the best of whatever i can get for her. Right now it is not ideal, but she seems happy.

My neighbour's dogs are the most exercised dogs ever, they go camping, hiking etc and they always bark in the garden to ward off cats, birds, ice cream vans even. I think that is normal for it to happen a few times a day. The couple both work all day, shift work, and the dogs are kept in.

I think the worst thing anyone can do is let their dog become obese, or cat. Next to that would be yelling or punishing. I'm not thinking about other cruelty, as that is a whole other thing. My last cat was a little overweight though, but i was trying to help her slim down with no treats, diet food, more exercise. I felt very guilty but took action.

Jot those basic tasks down and then you know what you have to do, and will get to the end of the day feeling confident you have done what was needed.

Do you play in the garden a little bit? Indoor cats need 10 mins play morning and evening, minimum. That is achievable. I do more when i can. We play all day long though but sometimes i sleep too much. I try to make it up to her in the evening when i am more awake. My cousin comes over twice a week and plays with her full on so that is good. Do you have any help?
 
L

Lori_2315

Guest
I'd love her to be free to chase birds and butterflies, smell the soil, lay on the grass, but i have made an indoor garden for her which she loves. We just have to do what we think is best at the time and what we can manage don't we. Some day my cat will have a house and maybe garden. She will always have the best of whatever i can get for her. Right now it is not ideal, but she seems happy.

My neighbour's dogs are the most exercised dogs ever, they go camping, hiking etc and they always bark in the garden to ward off cats, birds, ice cream vans even. I think that is normal for it to happen a few times a day. The couple both work all day, shift work, and the dogs are kept in.

I think the worst thing anyone can do is let their dog become obese, or cat. Next to that would be yelling or punishing. I'm not thinking about other cruelty, as that is a whole other thing. My last cat was a little overweight though, but i was trying to help her slim down with no treats, diet food, more exercise. I felt very guilty but took action.

Jot those basic tasks down and then you know what you have to do, and will get to the end of the day feeling confident you have done what was needed.

Do you play in the garden a little bit? Indoor cats need 10 mins play morning and evening, minimum. That is achievable. I do more when i can. We play all day long though but sometimes i sleep too much. I try to make it up to her in the evening when i am more awake. My cousin comes over twice a week and plays with her full on so that is good. Do you have any help?
He plays in the garden with my brothers dog. I play with him indoors each day with his favourite toys (also my brothers kids do as well, and my parents) or we play fetch at the beach, is this bad?
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
It sounds good to me, but i don't know much about dogs other than what i see others doing. I wish i lived on a farm and my cat could roam. I don't though. As long as your dog is clean, healthy, gets exercise each day, is loved, i think that is ok. 30 mins for the breed you said? Is that running or walking or playing? Running around the garden with another dog is great, fetch at the beach once a week? that is great.

How old is your dog? Does that make a difference?

Cats get something called zoomies. They build energy up every day and need to let it all out. I start her off, play with string, then she is off on her own, wild cat, flying around room to room, up her cat trees, under the table, zooming around.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
I have just read that brisk walking is good enough for a dog.

But they need some off-lead exercise time. That is easy to say but it is not possible for everyone, unless they have a garden. Many beaches don't allow dogs, where i live.

30 mins per day, minimum, official advice. One walk, better to have 2 walks per day though. This is what i have read just now.

Are you able to do that? morning and afternoon? I am sure most people fail in that. It says at least once a day for 30 mins. Can you do that?
 
L

Lori_2315

Guest
I have just read that brisk walking is good enough for a dog.

But they need some off-lead exercise time. That is easy to say but it is not possible for everyone, unless they have a garden. Many beaches don't allow dogs, where i live.

30 mins per day, minimum, official advice. One walk, better to have 2 walks per day though. This is what i have read just now.

Are you able to do that? morning and afternoon? I am sure most people fail in that. It says at least once a day for 30 mins. Can you do that?
Yeah that’s what he gets - a walk in the morning and then a run around at the beach or another safe enclosed area where he can be free to run around and explore at night and access to our garden all day. I’m going to start squeezing in an extra walk though - it’ll probably do me good too
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
So he gets a morning walk, perfect. That is the essential one.

An evening run too? That is an extra one, but you do it every day :) I would think that if sometimes you cannot manage that, it is ok.

An 3rd walk, maybe that is too much pressure? On you both. Not essential.

You don't have anything to feel guilty about :)
 
L

Lori_2315

Guest
So he gets a morning walk, perfect. That is the essential one.

An evening run too? That is an extra one, but you do it every day :) I would think that if sometimes you cannot manage that, it is ok.

An 3rd walk, maybe that is too much pressure? On you both. Not essential.

You don't have anything to feel guilty about :)
How do you think this sounds (I’m not being bitchy or anything, it just got me thinking) I have a neighbour who walks their dog at 5 am (around the block) and that’s it. Do you think that’s right or do you think what I do ok too
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
I hurt myself today. I’ve was so happy throughout the week and I just crashed. I felt as though I had to be punished as I feel like I’m not taking good care of my dog. I’m worried I’m not exercising him enough, I posted on here yesterday about it.

he’s happy and healthy but I feel like I’m failing him. I love him so much. I just felt like I had to be punished. I feel so guilty, what if I’m a bad person? I always claim to love animals but what if I’m abusing/neglecting him? Would he still act happy and be healthy?
He’s never left alone for more than and hour (if that) and is almost always with my brothers dog as well.

I don’t want to hurt myself again. And I don’t want to hurt my dog either (I never physically hurt him - but what if I’m not taking good care of him?) I feel like such a failure.
False perception on your animals is not a good reason to self harm. You said yourself that they are healthy, even if you did wrong, you can always come back from it. Just be more determined to do the right things for your animals.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
N Sleep Deprivation Used To Self Harm Self Harm Forum 5
MiniThoughts Any methods of distraction from intrusive thoughts that lead to self-harm? Self Harm Forum 10
L Self harm cheating partner Self Harm Forum 5
TheSadnessWillLastForever Is it supposed to hurt this much? *TW Self Harm* Self Harm Forum 7
A Self harm when feeling guilty Self Harm Forum 3
N Diabetics Who Self Harm (TRIGGER WARNING) Self Harm Forum 4
J I just keep self harm Self Harm Forum 4
S I wanted to self harm but I couldn't bring myself to do it Self Harm Forum 3
Luneup Fell back into self harm. Self Harm Forum 6
Hello513 I swear to never self harm, or attempt suicide again. Self Harm Forum 7
B Self Harm Addiction Self Harm Forum 6
O Does the urge to self harm ever go away? Self Harm Forum 6
J What does it take for doctors to take my self harm seriously? Self Harm Forum 4
G self harm tonight Self Harm Forum 8
L Self harm instead of suicide Self Harm Forum 28
J Have Self Harm Sores All Over Myself Right Now Self Harm Forum 5
G Increase self harm when starting meds Self Harm Forum 3
F Why do people sometimes self harm on their face? Self Harm Forum 40
R Self harm Self Harm Forum 2
G Self harm and A&E? Self Harm Forum 12
frenchiebpd I have a strong urge to self harm and don't know how to get rid of it Self Harm Forum 2
T Self harm scars & prevention Self Harm Forum 2
D I've seen a girl causing self harm on a live app,what should i do?,need advice. Self Harm Forum 3
J Do I need to know why I self harm in order to stop? Self Harm Forum 4
D Struggling with self harm Self Harm Forum 9
C Self harm in my sleep? Self Harm Forum 5
N Trying to stop self harm Self Harm Forum 4
K Self harm thoughts Self Harm Forum 11
O Self harm for approval. Self Harm Forum 5
T a list of self-harm habits or website that my prevent me from doing them Self Harm Forum 10
F I'm not guilty about my self harm Self Harm Forum 31
F self harm urges :( Self Harm Forum 3
C Advice for self harm Self Harm Forum 10
N Self harm Self Harm Forum 5
Zardos Self Harm Self Harm Forum 5
TheBlackSheep First Thoughts of Self Harm / Suicide Self Harm Forum 4
B Self Harm relieves the 'badness' Self Harm Forum 3
N Is it normal to self harm when you have been bullied Self Harm Forum 3
N If you told a friend you are suicidal and they judge when you self harm Self Harm Forum 41
L Really wanna self harm right now Self Harm Forum 1
K I self-harm because I like the way the pain feels Self Harm Forum 6
M Suicidal urges and self harm Self Harm Forum 11
L what causes self-destructive behavior? Self Harm Forum 5
EarthChild Self harmed a lot today Feel like ending my life Self Harm Forum 8
G Self harming. Self Harm Forum 4
maggie0123 started self-harming again Self Harm Forum 9
D Help: i talk to my self too much defending my abusers Self Harm Forum 3
Zardos I've Been Thinking Of Self-harming All Morning. Self Harm Forum 6
T self harming because im a failure Self Harm Forum 22
F I have recently started having thoughts of self harming Self Harm Forum 5

Similar threads

Top