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Self harm when feeling guilty

A

AnxiousAnna

Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pula
Hi,

It took me a lot of time to realize I was self-harming and even more time to admit it. My SO is the only one that knows about it and he made me promise not to do it again but of course I relapsed.

A few weeks ago, we talked about everything again, I made the same promise. We are both under a lot of stress because of a lot of big changes in our life and it doesn't help that we are regularly fighting because he feels like I make all the decisions with my mom and not with him (decisions concerning my SO and myself). On the other hand, my mom feels like we are drifting apart because of him.

Today we got into a fight again and I relapsed...again. I tried to send him messages to tell him I'm not feeling well and to talk to him about it because he said I should always contact me if I'm feeling that way. He went to sleep and he is not responding and I feel like to big of a burden to call him and tell him I need him. So I continued with SH.

Please, do not worry, I am not in any physical danger or anything of that sort. I feel like my SH method is a little unconventional so it's nothing that serious. I just feel like I have no one to talk to and this forum felt like the only safe space. I always relapse when I feel really bad about something I've done.

Thank you for reading this. Have a nice day/evening.
 
A

AnxiousAnna

Member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pula
Honestly, as the minutes go by, I only feel worse. I feel completely alone and when I imagine the rest of life, I only see loneliness, pretending I'm okay and SH-ing hidden somewhere in the apartment in the middle of night. And to be completely honest, I realize more and more that that's what I deserve.
 
TheSadnessWillLastForever

TheSadnessWillLastForever

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Messages
69
Location
Ohio
It's a terrible cycle to be in. The loneliness, despair, relapse then guilt. Then it starts all over again. It's very hard to break that cycle, but not impossible, so don't lose hope! Life can have so much more in store for you if you make the right choices (although it is always okay to make mistakes, no doubt) next time you are feeling like relapsing, reach out, to anyone. If not your SO then you mom. A friend. Someone you trust. Or of course you can always try calling/texting a helpline. I have done so myself, it is really helpful! If all else fail, post on here! We're all here for you!:)❤
 
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