- Nov 15, 2019
today was terrible and i had a bit of a breakdown. now i’m just feeling kind of numb but i’m getting self harm urges. idk i’ve noticed that whenever i go through things like this, before i can “be happy” again or do anything relating to taking care of myself, i’d feel the urge to self harm or else i wouldn’t deserve it. this is going to sound really dumb but right now i just want to watch a movie to make myself feel better and for a some godawful reason my brain is telling me that i have to hurt myself before i can. i’m just frustrated because i don’t really want to do it but i can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s like i’m frozen, not being able to do anything, unless i give in to the urges. i hate this. it’s literally just a movie, something so simple yet i still can’t do it. for christ sakes i just want to watch a f*cking movie .