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Self harm urges

T

ToyotaTom

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2019
Messages
1
Location
CA
I was diagnosed bipolar II as an adolescent and have been attending therapy/psychiatry on and off since around age 7.
I'm fairly easy to provoke based on my mental state (obviously?) But for some reason when Im provoked and just mentally exhausted from a long day I get violently overwhelming urges to self destruct. I'll get a tidal wave of heat and energy and anger swelling through my limbs and racing images of all the possible ways I could lose it on myself, like I want to fight me. Just today I got this way and within about five seconds of feeling reactive to what was said to me I found myself self harming. Luckily I have tomorrow off and won't have to answer any questions about it. But I just can't seem to stop myself in these moments. I try to take care of myself as best I can yet it sees that my subconscious wants to destroy me?
Does any else out there relate to this? And if so what ways have you found to be successful in stopping these incidents?
 
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I

itsmeagain

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2010
Messages
578
Location
england
It's really common.
Self loathing and rage against the self.
I don't have it but know a few folk who do.
 
N

Nina998

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2019
Messages
128
Location
Finland
I can relate to self-harming. I also have episodes when I can't control the urge to harm myself. I am harming myself compulsively when my depression is in a really bad place.

Here's an example from February. I was hospitalized. I was in my bed because it was late but I couldn't sleep because I had racing thoughts. These thoughts kept telling me to hurt myself. I could not think anything else than harming myself. I didn't have many means to hurt myself but the urge was so horrible I had to do it in order to silence my head. My head wouldn't be quiet until I hurt myself.so I did. After I had done that my brain was finally quiet and I could sleep.

At home I deal those compulsive thoughts by self harming or abusing drugs.
 
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