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Self harm thoughts

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KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I will happen one day. I can’t change anything and nothing I seem to do is good enough. I can’t live like this. Every argument, the image and the uncomfortable thought of just do it happens. My life is over anyway. My family is so screwed up and my mental health has been bad for several years. No one to turn too. I can’t leave my house. I’m afraid to go out and see anyone. I can’t ready take care of myself and the constant pressure to solve everyone’s problems. No help. One day it will happen no one really helped me when I needed it. I just can’t take it anymore.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I’m sitting here really needing to talk to someone about this. I’m scared and barely hanging on. It’s been so much worse here lately. I’ve been right on the edge.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I’m scared, I’m just going to lose it one day.
 
Q

Quietman5

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
67
I’m sitting here really needing to talk to someone about this. I’m scared and barely hanging on. It’s been so much worse here lately. I’ve been right on the edge.
On the edge?
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I don’t know how much I can say here but I’ve had a plan for awhile, that is what edge means.
 
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Quietman5

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
67
I understand about being "on the edge" when I was in the Middle East on my 3rd tour somehow I fell deep deep into the dark space and I had a plan, date, location, and method. I hinted to my wife (loved one) and they forced my hand which is why I can talk to you tonight. Someone in your amity cares!!! I do!!!
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I did go to my husband but it really didn’t do any good. He didn’t know what to do. I fell into a deep depression for so long only living for others. I had disassociation for almost two years after that. My family just blamed it on other things. I don’t even leave my home anymore and now that I have woke up, I see the reality of my life now. I didn’t tell anyone my plan but it would be guaranteed. The pain is too much sometimes and I have no escape from it.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
That’s what scares me the most. Nothing has gotten better and I can’t see it ever changing.
 
M

mckdomc01

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
71
Location
London
Stay with us kitkat

Whatever plans you have forget about it.

It will feel like you are alone at times but please remember that there will always be people who care about you.

Sometimes reality can be subjective because of how you see things now.

I dont know enough about your exact situiton but it sounds like you need to get away from the poeple around you and have more you time.

Like its hard enough for you to be dealing with your own issues but its harder if you have to deal with the people around you which is why you feel like you need a way out.

Might be a strange question but, what would make you happy?
 
B

BeStrong2020

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
74
Location
Asia
What's causing you to think this way? What happened that you feel the need to do it?
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
274
Location
Texas
I’ve gotten some decent sleep last night. Things have not been going well at home. I am getting help, talking with a counselor but I can only talk with her every other week. Once the stay at home is lifted. I am going to go stay with my Dad for awhile.

Mckdocm1, I don’t know what will make me happy at this point. I have no life now and things have only gotten worse here at home. I really need to get away. I’ve been self harming for awhile now. I can’t handle much.

Bestrong, I stopped taking my medication for depression and anxiety. Mainly because of shame for being on them and I didn’t want to be dependent on them but I think I am now. That is when the disassociation happened. I was having a lot of stress at home with my husband and kids. No help from family. Things got so bad I didn’t want to be here anymore.

I was physically abused growing up. My first attempt I was 13 years old. My second I was 22. I was not hospitalized on either attempt. It’s been an on going struggle most of my life when my depression and anxiety is high but I’ve never been disassociate before as I can tell. I am unable to talk to others about my feelings, not a lot of people or family knows the full history. Or know that I have had the attempts. I’ve always tried to hide it because of the shame of it. Never wanting to admitted it because of the fear of what may happen. I will need help for my mental health for the rest of my life now. I can see that. I can’t handle conflict very well. I had a counselor tell me not long ago. I had complex post traumatic disorder. The diagnosis makes a lot of since.

I am thankful for this forum as it helps to know that I can talk about my feeling and know that I’m not alone. I know I will have my moments where I will need the help overcoming these thoughts. Sorry for the long post.
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
I will happen one day. I can’t change anything and nothing I seem to do is good enough. I can’t live like this
You have to do things for you. Family is good but only you can change your life. Persist and take things one step at a time, take it one day at a time. Until you reach success, because that will come in time.
 
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