Self harm replacement

S

SelfRespect

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Jun 18, 2014
Messages
82
#1
I'm sorry but I have gone through many many suggested ways of replacing sh and there is nothing that is effective, because nothing feels or gives the feeling of release that self harming does, elastic bands, sucking lemons, having baths/showers to take time out, nothing gets through that need, that overwhelming need to feel pain and see the aftermath. The pain to me is a help but the aftermath is my true vice, the pain is release. I have had so may treatments to keep me alive it's unreal and it's got to the stage where hospital staff treat me like shit because they see me as wasting NHS time, not to mention resources and perhaps I do, perhaps I am a waist of time. I've been told that alcoholics, drug abusers and self harmers should pay for their care as it's self inflicted. I await trouble as it ALWAYS returns. I've been a self harmer for 32 years and after that many years of counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists and many other professionals no one as ever changed things, and I've not succeeded either.
 
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Drooo

Drooo

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Jun 8, 2016
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876
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UK
#2
Doesn't even that do anything, thinking of the resources used, often in short supply, and there you are using it up because you've decided to self harm?
I mean, couldn't you use that as a driving force to stop? Imagine if there was a serious accident one day and you had self harmed on that same day. You end up in the hospital first and you use up the last resources, then a little girl gets brought in from the accident and needs it, it just so happens to be the same type you had, only there isn't enough for her now. Couldn't you use something like that to stop yourself?

Self-harming as a response, an impulsive self-attack, I can understand, I've done it and I know that animals do it, so in some way it is a natural response to a high level of stress, but the more measured, calculated act of self harm I can't. It seems too much of a conscious decision to me. Do explain to me how it isn't if I'm being ignorant.
 
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S

SelfRespect

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Joined
Jun 18, 2014
Messages
82
#3
There has NEVER EVER been anything measured or calculating in my self harm. I don't suddenly think, I'm a bit bored I think I'll self harm. I self harm when I am suffering EXTREEM anxiety and stress, I become blinded with a need to hurt myself to release the awful uncontrollable panic, anxiety, the shaking the feelings of impending doom and I attack myself aggressively and it just happens. I've hated myself so many times for the aggressive nature my self harm takes, the results which is soo debilitating.

As to wasting resources that some poor little girl on her deathbed is concerned, you'll find we, in the UK, and probably everywhere have a priority system and the most needy get treatment, whether it be transfusions, ambulances, Drs time or surgery. If there was some half dead kid desperate for treatment or even a half dead 99 year old they'd get treated not me. I do have a sense of guilt about my self harm, about being alive, about what I've put my children through and my husband, which I would NEVER have put them through intentionally, and given all that when the red light goes on, so to speak, I loose control and have often woken up in hospital with very little or no recollection of what I had done, to find my arms or legs covered in bandages and then the feeling of self loathing.

AG
 
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L

LiveFree

New member
Joined
Aug 10, 2018
Messages
1
#4
Inquire about WHY

I completely understand where you are coming from. Self harm can be an enticing escape when anxiety and depression kick in. I used to uncontrollably feel the urge to as well.

I think what helped me and may help you is really digging deep to find the source.
Why Self Harm?

Thinking about exactly what the root of the problem is, what the mind may think self harm will solve? why that is the solution? What will be the result? That is the most important thing.

It seems like you truly care for your family and even yourself to an extent, so love your life. Figure out why your mind thinks self harm will solve anything. If you truly love yourself, love your life, and know that self harm is not needed to escape, to get anyone to realize what you feel, to get them to understand you. The right people will get you without you having to go to those extents. There are so many uncontrollable forces already acting on us, but this...this is something you can take control of. If you truly master knowing yourself, knowing your mind, knowing WHY it wants you to harm yourself..you will know the truth, and how to control that urge!

You are not your mind! Your mind is a reflection of you.

Stay strong, love yourself, and love your life! :)
 
R

richknown

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Aug 16, 2018
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4
#5
Thanks. Have been hurting myself when my wife makes harmful comments. Keeping my feelings to myself.
 
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R

richknown

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Joined
Aug 16, 2018
Messages
4
#6
I'm seeing a counselor. Will only share with her or my close friend. Not my wife. I get Nervous each day. I feel like I'm simply waiting for something hurtful for her to say. It feels terrifying!!!&
 
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