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Self harm - relapsed

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Nina998

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Mar 31, 2019
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273
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Finland
Decided to start a new thread after all. I can't pull this through alone and I have absolutely no one I could talk to.

So I relapsed yesterday after six months. My husband got really angry with me and accused me of many things, many of them justified. This led to horrible anxiety, guilt and unbearable feelings and to cope I self-harmed. I didn't get BPD diagnose but I do have these traits.

So I harmed myself and then I did it again because first time wasn't enough. Today's been hard too waiting for a forgiveness so I did it again. Now it's just about hurting myself rather than relief. I should know better, I get easily addicted.

I guess I am looking for some supporting words I can do without harming myself before my next video appointment with my cpn on Thursday.

Anyone else do this or can relate?
 
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ziedite

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Nov 11, 2013
Messages
344
Location
UK
Hang in there Nina... We're here for you... and you have some support with the video appointment next week. Can you get them more than once per week if needed? Husband needs to try really hard to understand... maybe he can come to a session just to get a clinical understanding? What more can we do for you?
 
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Nina998

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Mar 31, 2019
Messages
273
Location
Finland
Thank you ziedite for your response. I guess I could ask for appointments more often. I will definitely talk about this. My husband haven't been very understanding about my self-harm. I self-harmed again today. Now I wasn't to do it all the time. I am not feeling very strong at the moment.
 
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Headingtothelight

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Apr 6, 2020
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148
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scotland
i self harm by binge drinking, i just hit the self destruct mode . i feel it’s a hole we are trying to fill ):
 
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Nina998

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Mar 31, 2019
Messages
273
Location
Finland
i self harm by binge drinking, i just hit the self destruct mode . i feel it’s a hole we are trying to fill ):
I did binge drinking too when I was younger (18-19) It led me to encounters with Police, lockup and hospital. I would always drink to the point it got dangerous.
 
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Nina998

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Mar 31, 2019
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273
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Finland
I am hooked. So badly. I can't remember how I got rid of this last time. Last two times I did it because I was so depressed but now I do it to deal with relationship bullshit and because I feel like I deserve it. It gets worse every time.
 
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Nina998

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Mar 31, 2019
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273
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Finland
I need so badly to talk about this with someone but I only get to hide this from anyone I know...
 
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Nina998

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Mar 31, 2019
Messages
273
Location
Finland
I am getting kinda desperate here... My leg looks horrible but nothing's enough... I deserve this.
 
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thunderstruck

Member
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Nov 6, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Finland
Since you are in a crisis situation with self harm/anxiety I think you should either go to the hospital or contact your psychiatric treatment unit at health center tomorrow morning. You should talk with a professional - they might be able to help with the anxiety/what ever is causing this and they can prescribe you something that calms you down for a few days.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Please seek help for your leg urgently via your dr and local hospital ASAP.
Do you have a crisis team you can phone if not phone your CPN today or tomorrow for the self harm issues.
I hope you feel better soon.
I'm sorry I didn't see your thread earlier.
Do let us know how you are.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Not sure if you've seen this
 
Milomushi

Milomushi

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Nov 15, 2019
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69
Location
New York
I hope that you're feeling better and getting some support. I also recently relapsed but was able to break away from it. I know the feeling of just wanting to hurt yourself and I always felt that I needed to be punished for something. It will probably take longer for your husband to be understanding so maybe it would be most helpful to focus on coping skills you can use. I know that there is currently less support out there. Please be safe and keep talking to us.
 
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Nina998

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Joined
Mar 31, 2019
Messages
273
Location
Finland
Thank you everybody for your support. I haven't self-harmed today but it's in my mind all the time. I have a video appointment with my CPN tomorrow. First thing in the morning. I hope talking with someone will help me get through this.

I probably should have gone to health center to show these but it's too late now. And honestly, I don't really care.
 
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Nina998

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Joined
Mar 31, 2019
Messages
273
Location
Finland
I think I am sliding into depression again. Then there will be a chance of self-harm again. Can't I just have a normal summer? Last summer I was hospitalized twice after I od'd.

I haven't self-harmed today. But I did yesterday.
 
Lance__

Lance__

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Oct 21, 2019
Messages
262
Location
Spain
Hang in there, Nina :hug: today is your appointment with your CPN, right? I hope you can find some relief with it. I'm sorry your hursband is not very supportive with your SH; in those moments what one need is compassion and love, not anger and blamings. Maybe he needs some therapy as well to help him to deal with it, this way it will help you too.

Be gentle with yourself :hug: we are all humans and we do make some mistakes from time to time, and it's completely ok. You deserve love and understanding, not pain and punishment.
 
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