- Aug 8, 2009
I dont want to freak anyone out who reads this, I just need to say it somewhere because if I dont I'm going to crack up. Im agorophobic and chronically depressed and I've started cutting my self again. I cant help it the tempation got too much for me. Ive been waiting for a psyche consult for the last two months, my Zispin has stopped working, I cant go out, I had a horrible panic attack even though i've been doing the exposure therapy alone I cant take it any more. I started cutting myself again, I hate myself for it, I wish I could just make someone understand how I am feeling. My life has ended, all my friends went out last night, they came back to my house drunk bragging about what a great time they had. They keep trying to drag me out and tell me to think positively when i try to tell them how depressed I am. I cant bear them. I want my life back but i think its gone forever. I've cut the shit out of myself. I've never felt so hopeless in my life, if it wasnt for my sisters and my poor mother I'd fucking kill myself. I dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. I'm going crazy I know I am - my GP said to get better all i need to do is 'click my heels and say i'm back in kansas.' He really takes me seriously huh??? There are only two GPs where I live and they're both useless, I dont know what to do. I'm sorry.