Has anyone else found their self harm to be an addiction? So I hadn’t done it in like 9 months and I am so well mentally at the minute, like I’m actually happy and loving life (obviously still some struggles) but I still think about it and miss it and crave that feeling you get during and after it and the sense of release from everything. The other day sadly I did give into my urges and not because I couldn’t fight it but because I think I wanted it? Like I honestly love it. I don’t know if that sounds really weird and messed up or if anyone else feels this way? If you have felt this way how did you get through it?
9 years I was self harming. Your words the same as mine back then. I know how you feel.
I realised I was addicted to it. Not just the feelings and thoughts. The blue lights. The caring copper. The ambulance staff interested in me and speaking to me. I exist!
The clean bed at hospital. All the caring faces. How did I enjoy this?
Today I'm not embarrassed about my scars. If asked, which happens often, I say I used to self harm. I'm not ashamed. I'm proud I stopped.
How?
Thats a hard one. I was berated for self harming once by a psychiatric nurse. I felt like a child. The nurse was quite hard on me. Something inside just clicked... I'm sorry I can't explain it. What I can do is say I've been there and I've changed. I'm still all over the place but I don't hurt my body anymore.
Keep asking for help. If the help isn't for you try someone else. Keep going. Keep trying.
Winston Churchill once said.
When going through hell keep going.
There is a good place out there for you. Keep looking. You'll find it I'm sure. X