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self esteem issues? ashamed and embarrassed of myself?

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lauren0142

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Joined
Jan 21, 2015
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3
hello, my name is lauren im 19 years old and I'm new here. Im not sure if this is the right place to post this and this may turn into me just spilling my thoughts. sorry if it gets very long but I was just wondering if anyone has any advice to help with low self esteem and feelings of shame and embarrassment? i am obsessed these thoughts and sometimes I can't think of anything else. I couldn't get any of my uni work done today or even play an xbox game or focus on a movie because I could not stop thinking about past regrets (tiny things that probably wouldn't matter to most people) and feelings of embarrassment about silly things I've said and done and am worried to death that people remember. It was particularly bad today because I allowed myself to let loose and get drunk with my flatmates last night and im terrified that I acted embarrassingly and regret allowing myself to have fun with them like that. now I feel like I never want to get drunk ever again. it sounds petty and I know lots of people regret things that they do when they drink but i get absolutely obsessed and it stops me from doing anything. and it's not even like I did really bad things it'll just be that I said something a bit nerdy to my friend or something ridiculous like that and I'll obsess over it and avoid that person for weeks because I'm so embarrassed even though they probably didn't even think twice about it. im so worried about what other people think of me. I am very socially anxious and I rarely ever feel at ease or comfortable in any situations involving people unless they are my immediate family. my mum knows about my anxiety (I don't know to what extent- I change the subject quickly when she starts to talk about it) and she did once say "do you need some help" but I quickly dismissed it and told her not to be ridiculous. i acted like this was because I don't need help but the truth is i am far too anxious for therapy and the thought makes me feel physically sick. I am panicking even writing about it, what do you do when you are too anxious to get therapy but anxiety is the thing you need therapy for? my younger sister has very complex mental and physical special needs also and my older sister had depression last year and had therapy and I've always been the "normal" one for my parents and I don't want to ruin that for them and burden them with yet another child who is struggling. especially since my mum has so much to deal with already. I have tried work experience to help with my anxiety as im too scared to get a real job but that made it much much worse and now I'm terrified to get a job. luckily I make money off of my drawings so i can get away with doing commissions while I am at uni instead of getting a job like everyone else. I am really unhappy with myself and so ashamed and embarrassed of my personality and I tried to make a list of things I like and dislike about myself to see if it would help but I only managed to find two things about myself that I like which is selflessness and empathy. where as in the dislike list I had written ugly, overweight, embarrassing, bad socially, anxious , obsessive, annoying, weak and greedy. i compare myself to others constantly and I am always less than them. I am overly sensitive and if someone criticises myself or my work (which happens a lot at university) I feel worthless and drained for days on end. I think this is because I literally live to please others. I wish I didn't. I am so envious of those girls who are so confident and don't care what others think about them because they love themselves and that's all they need and it's such an beautiful and strong trait to have and it automatically makes them attractive to everyone. how do I become confident? I wish there was a way to teach yourself confidence. I have spent hours upon hours on the internet reading articles on how to love yourself but I am just becoming desperate now. I'm too anxious to get help outside of the Internet so I decided making an account on here and spilling my thoughts to you guys to see if any of you have any advice on how I can stop worrying about petty embarrassments and what others think about me. other threads I have read people just say "draw a line under it and move on" but I need to know HOW I do that. sorry this is all so stupid but I can't tell anyone I know in real life because obviously im scared they won't take me seriously or they'll judge me. I feel so down. I also feel like my problems are pathetic and not real problems compared to everyone else's especially my other family members. any help and advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm willing to try things like meditation and yoga if anyone thinks these things really do work as long as I can do them on my own in my room and not in a group in public. thanks x
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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Hi and :welcome: to the forum.

I've read the whole post.

I also wish there was a way to teach confidence, it would solve so many issues for me.

Your problems aren't pathetic at all.
 
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lauren0142

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Joined
Jan 21, 2015
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thank you very much :)
it would be amazing wouldn't it! i feel like I cant get my good qualities across when talking to new people because I'm not confident enough to sell myself, and that might be why I struggle to make friends.
 

MarlieeB

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It might be and it might not.

In rl I come across as quite ummm hard to approach because of how shy I am. I like to work someone out before getting to know them.

Have you considered talking therapies at all or even books you can get from the internet?
 
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lauren0142

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Jan 21, 2015
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i have just bought a book after reading your comment. i'm a bit skeptical but it had some very good reviews. might as well give it a try :) thank you
 
Q

quietsecret

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Joined
Feb 6, 2015
Messages
23
Hi Lauren, I just wanted I'm exactly like you too and suffer from low self-esteem. I hope your book helps you to feel more confident and less anxious about the little things :)
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Jan 25, 2015
Messages
307
Location
Essex
Hi Lauren and welcome to the forum. I have had similar issues all my life.
As I have got older, I have found some ways (not all good) to cope. I really wish I had made the effort to try to deal with my self esteem issues in my early twenties.
I think it's admirable that you can sell commissioned art, this is a very special talent.
Difficult to do but try to not compare yourself to others, try to be true to yourself you are obviously a talented artist. You will find others try to over compensate in areas to hide other aspects of their lives, hence making them very popular. But perhaps not authentic.
You mentioned how you like to try meditation and yoga, go for it! These have helped me.
I also wish that I had some therapy when I was younger as I feel this could have helped alter my negative view of myself. I think perhaps your mum will support you and would like to see you happy.
Best of luck, you are special.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Aug 18, 2013
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Location
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I'm sure it's pretty common to feel the way you do at your age - I know I did too, but I'm not underestimating how bad it makes you feel.

What helped me was finding a really good, kind friend at Uni who I finally felt able to trust enough to open up to and express all my worries and self-esteem issues to. She laughed when I told her all the things I did/said that made me feel so embarrassed afterwards I had to hide away in my room for days. She told me that it was precisely those idiosyncratic, eccentric and a bit leftfield things I did and said which other people liked me for! She completely altered my view on things. You weren't put on this Earth to please other people and do exactly what other people expect. Yes, sometimes (in order to get and keep a job, for example) you have to conform to what is expected and what you are told to do whether you like it or not - but with your close friends and other people in your life who matter to you, you should be able to relax and be exactly who you are with no worries.

If you haven't got a close friend like that, why not try the student counselling service? I did and I would hesitate to call it 'therapy' - my counsellor was simply a very caring person I could open up to without fear of any repercussions.

FWIW, you sound like a lovely, thoughtful person I'd have loved to be friends with at Uni.
 
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