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self confidence and trust. help

L

Lana

New member
Joined
Feb 17, 2009
Messages
1
I'm a bit stuck.

Right... I've always found it difficult to trust people, men in particular. And as I got older I started to trust them even less. I bounced from one relationship to the next seeking something I could not describe.
They all ended miserably because of my personality disorder or because they cheated/lied.

Last year I found somebody amazing and let myself fall head over heels for him. About 9 months into the relationship I found out he's lied to me about 2 very important things.
One, he has trusted his friend with private information about me, and two, he has attempted to cheat on me but didn't get a chance to go through with it.
He had never done anything like this before. I felt awful and blamed myself for not keeping him interested and making it all go wrong.
I felt like I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, or even sane enough to have a relationship with him. But we were moving away together in less than 2 days. That wasn't long enough to decide what I should do.
So I moved with him and agreed to forgive him. But I'm having a hard time forgetting

At the moment my self confidence and trust are both very low. I always dream about him cheating on me. It's awful. I try not to think about any of it but for some reason it's like my head is taunting me.
The harder I try to get on with things, the more it comes up. The little voice in the back of my mind just keeps saying "he's off with other people because they're better than you". Or "you dont satisfy him so he's going to cheat on you".
It's driving me a bit nuts. I'd love to just move on and trust him but I keep opening my big mouth and ruining it by asking him pointless questions. I just want to feel loved and to know something like that will never happen again.

I don't know how to talk to him about any of this without sounding crazy or bitter. But I'm feeling really messed up right now and don't know how to put across my feelings.
 
S

saffron

Guest
Hi Lana
I feel the same way, and it really shook home reading your post, I knew y reading what I was going to say and that also suddenly forced me to look at my own life, I must thank you for that.
onw thing that Ive learnt is that I should not worry too much about keeping them happy, because, not only is it tiering being the one that always makes the effort, but also you should expect them to make you happy equally.
Ive learnt that it is good to say things like 'im sad' or 'im angry'.
not being able to talk with your OH can cause a massive rift because he s constantly having to watch you body language and facial expressions and try to make out what you are thinking, this will make him withdraw straight away.
the fact that he confided in friend need not be a problem, its a lot to think about and sometime you need a friend to talk to. nothing wrong with that unless they abuse it. which is not what you implied.
the fact that he may have mad one mistake a while ago is in the past now.
it was his weakness, not yours. it was not a reflection of you but him, he let himself down, nothing more, if you can forgive him for his fault then you can then move on. remember if a man strays it is NOT anything that you have done or not done, it is his issuse, his weakness and his downfall/loss. it is not a reflection of you.
said that he is still with you, you have gone through a lot and changed and moved. and still you are still together, that is a good thing Yes?
suggest things for you oth to do that will be fun.
thinking of you
S
 
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