• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Selective mutism - any idea/tips on how to overcome it?

H

Hagi

Member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
7
Location
1000 River Rd Teaneck nj 07666
Hello, we just found out that our daughter has SM. She talks non stop at home and is very social with us (parents and siblings) but as soon as she's outside of the home (School, playdate, visiting the cousins), she completely stops talking. Same if some people come to the house, she will barely talk. Do you have any recommendation of how we could help her, what should we do and what we should not do so that she slowly starts talking?? She is 3 years old by the way :)
Please let us know, thank you.
Hagi
 
R

Ramson mash

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
2,682
Location
Uk
Hello, we just found out that our daughter has SM. She talks non stop at home and is very social with us (parents and siblings) but as soon as she's outside of the home (School, playdate, visiting the cousins), she completely stops talking. Same if some people come to the house, she will barely talk. Do you have any recommendation of how we could help her, what should we do and what we should not do so that she slowly starts talking?? She is 3 years old by the way :)
Please let us know, thank you.
Hagi
Hi Hagi, i was the same up until a very late age, probably about 15. I wouldnt say a single word to my cousins or aunties, uncles, i would literal be muted until it was over.
Part of it was the difference in comfort zones. I felt so comfortable around my parents, that anyone else i felt was not worth socialising with and i knew that i was just wasting my time. Maybe i had teenage mutant ninja turtles i wanted to go home and see aswell but all i remember is feeling uncomfortable around others. Its like i had no intentions or reason to show my personality to anyone exept maybe peers at school.
I think all kids are different. Although maybe you could introduce her to socialising with people that she trusts. Does her cousins live close? Its great to have family and friends so she feels more solidified and feels like she is a part of a group. I think she will naturally find confidence as she grows older. But i needed a family behind me in order to feel right, otherwise i felt vulnerable.
I always thought it meant i was a bit dull. That turned out to be, not the case.
 
H

Hagi

Member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
7
Location
1000 River Rd Teaneck nj 07666
Hi Ramson, thank you. Yes she has couple cousins nearby but she turns completely mute when we go to them. When they come to our home. She whispers a little bit. Do you have any advice: for example should I tell my daughter to say “hello”, “goodbye”, “thank you” or she is going to feel even more pressure and will close even more? Also are there any activities that you believe could have helped you when you were not talking?
 
R

Ramson mash

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
2,682
Location
Uk
Well i was always very polite and that left a good impression. Still mute but i would always say pls and thank you. So thats a good idea. I dont think she will feel too much pressure, and i think any activity where shes not glued to a screen or tv will be beneficial. It might not be a confidence issue, it could be a choice aswell but shes still young and has to develop her style. I wouldnt compare her to other kids. There are some children who are very talkative, i dont know thier parents secrets but personally i wouldnt sit them infront of a tv or tablet, thats a bad idea for concentration. Im not saying thats the problem, its just one reason why maybe i was unsocial.
 
Top