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Seeking advice for my moods and possible PD diagnosis.

H

Hemas

Member
Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Romania
Hello,

I think I have a personality disorder and I think it might be BPD. This has become more and more apparent in the last 2 years since my current relationship started. I always believed I have Social Anxiety but that doesn't explain what I go through.

I have extreme mood swings on a daily basis. I go from fear to anger to guild to hate to joy to other moods constantly. And this heavily affects my relationship, I'm not the type of person to act out my moods, I know bottling them up isn't a good idea but I can't act them out on my girlfriend when I know everything is just in my head. But this makes everything hard, I try to be there for her, I try to support her, I want the best for her but these moods make everything seem pointless.

I feel like I'm not good enough and then I turn 180 out of nowhere and blame her for everything, then I hate her and suddenly everything is fine again and I'm ok and happy in my relationship. Combine this with any other number of moods like being afraid of her, wanting to be alone for extended periods of time and so on.

How can I manage this better ? How can I talk to her in a healthy way and tell her about all of this ? Again, I'm not acting out my moods, I have enough will power to stop myself from doing or saying something stupid but it's exhausting and this is a constant struggle daily. Because I don't want to hurt her I tell her things are fine and try to do my best to make them fine but I am not fine, I'm neglecting myself.

I've stopped talking with friends because the relationship is consuming me and I don't have the energy or will to talk to other people anymore. There's also the moods that tell me I'm not good enough for them or I've failed them.

I know therapy and a diagnosis is the first thing I should do, unfortunately we're not in a good place financially right now so professional help is not an option at the moment.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,203
Location
NZ
Hi and welcome.

I'm not too sure in regards to healthcare and cost where you are.
As you are aware seeing a doctor would be a great place to start


I am sorry to hear you are suffering this way and I'm thinking how well you are managing all this but bottling it all up is so draining and unfortunately doesn't solve things.
I dont think you are a failure at all.
It takes a lot of self control to not act out how we are feeling. It also takes a lot of courage to ask for help and thats a start.
You need some support and help to deal with what is going on for you.
That with help you can lead a much happier and contented life.

So please do keep posting, you will get the support you need

megirl
 
H

Hemas

Member
Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Romania
Thank you for the kind words. I feel like just talking is a good start, at least to not bottle things up. Even better when you can do it with people that can relate (as unfortunate as that is) and can give some insight into what they are dealing with and how they manage it.
 
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