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Second manic episode??

  • Thread starter butterflykisses
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butterflykisses

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Dec 30, 2020
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I had my first manic episode this year. It started out with pure euphoria until it got worse and I became psychotic and stopped feeling exciting after awhile because I literally felt like my soul was burning and thought I was in hell. Too much agitation, paranoia and hallucinations that made me feel unsafe.

Anyway, I’m curious though what would happen if and when I have a second episode. Would I be more aware of what’s going on and maybe question my thinking a little more. The first time it felt so real and I had no reason to question my thought processes and the things I did. But now that I’m aware of what mania feels like and can become, i wonder how I may respond and if it wouldn’t be as severe. Maybe I’d be able to be a little under control because of what happened last time. Or maybe I’d notice it sooner and be able to contact my psychiatrist before it gets any worse and maybe I could avoid the hospital next time.

What experiences do you have with recurring episodes? Do they present in similar ways each time? Are they all very different? Were you able to have any kind of insight into what was happening as they progressed or able to “control” any aspect of it once you’ve already had a first episode? Just curious.
 
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lylies

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Jul 8, 2021
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colombia
sometimes I'm low to the point of su*cid*, sometimes I'm high and happy and feel the world belongs to me and do reckless things.

years ago, I thought shoplifting was a very good idea... I was arrested and booked, my psychiatrist said I was "psychotic" to the cop, I thought shoplifter sounded way better. since then everytime I feel the high of doing stupid things or behaving "crazy", I just think I don't want to be arrested again.

shoplifting isn't a big crime compared to real crimes, but anyway, now I have a criminal record for life and it's not funny (I did think it was cool when I wasn't thinking clearly)
 
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butterflykisses

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I can imagine that it’s really disheartening to have a criminal record. When I had just got out of the hospital, my dad convinced me that I got arrested and needed to go to court, but he was just joking and I got a little freaked out. There were a lot of things that I didn’t remember clearly after I had just gotten home.
 
Door

Door

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Europe
Hi!

Like you, my first episode also felt so real. It was in a sense very special and valuable, and it went too far... and I wonder sometimes the same, how a second one would feel like. maybe I had a second one.

2 years after my episode my mom died and because of the trauma, it "opened up" inside again.
I felt again so much downloads, spiritual experiences of love, comfort and symbolic language and oneness again, quite the same as before.
And I was aware of the danger of going too far. But I didn't. It took a lot of energy but I was able to keep my grounding and receive the comfort from the experience.
So ja, maybe this would have been a second full blown episode if I didn't went through the first one?

This is around 4 years back and wasn't on the edge anymore. Sometimes I miss this realm of love and unity.
 
Amazingly

Amazingly

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I cycle very quickly especially if I’m on an antidepressant type med.
I can get very high off meds and I’ll get very low where I’ll get dark intrusive thoughts.
I also experience mixed states.

When I’m extremely manic or mixed I can become psychotic.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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You almost certainly wouldn't know it at the time but you may, if you think about what happened in the lead up to your last one, be able to spot possible stressors that could kick it all off for you.

But rather than fearing your next one maybe it's more important that you get yourself into as many routines as possible to guard against future episodes - so taking care of sleep and so on yourself, so you know you're doing your part.
 
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