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Second Guessing Everything

esthergreenwood

esthergreenwood

Active member
Joined
May 31, 2014
Messages
31
Location
US
I feel as though when I do talk to people I don't know well I don't think before I speak and I just get the only word I can think to describe is overexecited? God that's such an embarrassing way to put it. Anyway, so when it's all done with I end up thinking over and over about everything that I said. Until I've concluded that it was all pushy, awakward, or stupid. So afterwards I end up just feeling embarrassed and horrible about myself. Then it just feels like the whole cycle repeats itself. It's such a crappy way to live. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess because I just want to feel like I'm not alone in this. :(
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I feel as though when I do talk to people I don't know well I don't think before I speak and I just get the only word I can think to describe is overexecited? God that's such an embarrassing way to put it. Anyway, so when it's all done with I end up thinking over and over about everything that I said. Until I've concluded that it was all pushy, awakward, or stupid. So afterwards I end up just feeling embarrassed and horrible about myself. Then it just feels like the whole cycle repeats itself. It's such a crappy way to live. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess because I just want to feel like I'm not alone in this. :(
I know that feeling! It's horrible. It's like you're scared of upsetting anyone and you over-think absolutely everything you say.

You can't live like that. My advice would be to try to act as authentically as possible, with the understanding that you're not going to please everyone, and nor should you be expected to, because you'd never find what you want. Do what's right for you, and don't feel too bad about not pleasing everyone.

That's what I'm working on - it's a long, hard process, but it's so, so worth it.
 
esthergreenwood

esthergreenwood

Active member
Joined
May 31, 2014
Messages
31
Location
US
Yes that's exactly how I feel. That and what if they think I'm weird or rude or annoying. I can be really awful wit social cues and it was worse when I was younger. I spent so much time thinking I was friends with people who didn't like me. I just have this ingrained childhood fear I guess that oh god what if I keep talking to them thinking we're friends and when I'm gone they just keep talking about how awful I am. It makes me feel pathetic but I don't know how to stop. Your advice is great and true but it's one of those awful much easier said than put in to practice things. I have tried it before :/ thank you for replying and letting me know I'm not alone feeling like this. While I feel horrible that there are others doing this it is nice to know it's not just me.
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Yes that's exactly how I feel. That and what if they think I'm weird or rude or annoying. I can be really awful wit social cues and it was worse when I was younger. I spent so much time thinking I was friends with people who didn't like me. I just have this ingrained childhood fear I guess that oh god what if I keep talking to them thinking we're friends and when I'm gone they just keep talking about how awful I am. It makes me feel pathetic but I don't know how to stop. Your advice is great and true but it's one of those awful much easier said than put in to practice things. I have tried it before :/ thank you for replying and letting me know I'm not alone feeling like this. While I feel horrible that there are others doing this it is nice to know it's not just me.
Yeah, it really is harder said than done. I don't know how to achieve it really. I think it's different for everyone.

Please don't focus on the negatives about yourself, though - I'm sure there are lots and lots and lots of positives. :)
 
esthergreenwood

esthergreenwood

Active member
Joined
May 31, 2014
Messages
31
Location
US
Yeah, it really is harder said than done. I don't know how to achieve it really. I think it's different for everyone.

Please don't focus on the negatives about yourself, though - I'm sure there are lots and lots and lots of positives. :)
Thank you, really. Hopefully one day we'll get that last part of what you said into our thick skulls.
 
esthergreenwood

esthergreenwood

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May 31, 2014
Messages
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Dunno where to post this. I guess my own thread works. I am barely keeping it together in most aspects of my life. I feel like I managed to make and lose a friend quite quickly because I opened up too quickly and showed this lunatic side of me That can't get out of my own head. I just feel like pulling my hair out all the time and I don't know how to ever feel normal. God it's so exhausting feeling like you can't go through a single day without living in your head.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Dunno where to post this. I guess my own thread works. I am barely keeping it together in most aspects of my life. I feel like I managed to make and lose a friend quite quickly because I opened up too quickly and showed this lunatic side of me That can't get out of my own head. I just feel like pulling my hair out all the time and I don't know how to ever feel normal. God it's so exhausting feeling like you can't go through a single day without living in your head.
Some people just don't know what it's like to have mental health issues, but those people are often toxic to us. So it's not a huge loss. You'll find people who'll understand where you're coming from. Please don't worry. I know that must've been quite a saddening experience for you. Try to distract yourself by doing something you enjoy?

:hug1:
 
J

jimindigo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
198
This will help

Hi Esther,
I was crippled with it for many years.Here's what I did:
Learned assertiveness; gave self permission to get angry at any
injustice or abuse;studied self-esteem books by Nathaniel Branden
(guy is genius);learned that everyone ELSE is afraid too;started
walking with back straight and head UP!;made game of getting
eye contacts everytime I was out (even if fleeting), and that alone
can boost confidence. If interested in helpful book titles message
me; it CAN be done,but you need NEW information into computer
in head!
Courage,
jimindigo
 
esthergreenwood

esthergreenwood

Active member
Joined
May 31, 2014
Messages
31
Location
US
Some people just don't know what it's like to have mental health issues, but those people are often toxic to us. So it's not a huge loss. You'll find people who'll understand where you're coming from. Please don't worry. I know that must've been quite a saddening experience for you. Try to distract yourself by doing something you enjoy?

:hug1:
I can feel my own mother becoming exhausted by this stuff I find me exhausting is it awful to say I don't blame her? I wouldn't want to be my own friend why should she? I feel like such a Debbie Downer. I suppose this is the place for it. Thank you for your kind words. I'm going to try to follow your advice.
 
esthergreenwood

esthergreenwood

Active member
Joined
May 31, 2014
Messages
31
Location
US
Hi Esther,
I was crippled with it for many years.Here's what I did:
Learned assertiveness; gave self permission to get angry at any
injustice or abuse;studied self-esteem books by Nathaniel Branden
(guy is genius);learned that everyone ELSE is afraid too;started
walking with back straight and head UP!;made game of getting
eye contacts everytime I was out (even if fleeting), and that alone
can boost confidence. If interested in helpful book titles message
me; it CAN be done,but you need NEW information into computer
in head!
Courage,
jimindigo
I'll take a look at it thank you.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I can feel my own mother becoming exhausted by this stuff I find me exhausting is it awful to say I don't blame her? I wouldn't want to be my own friend why should she? I feel like such a Debbie Downer. I suppose this is the place for it. Thank you for your kind words. I'm going to try to follow your advice.
It's understandable that you'd be a Debbie Downer; you're struggling. Some people can't really cope with a lot of this stuff. This forum is really good though. I'm sure your mother isn't exhausted with you - she'll just be unsure what to do to help.

The best thing you could do right now would be to focus on yourself and try to make yourself feel better. :)
 
M

maddieshae

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2015
Messages
5
I know exactly what you mean! When I do get comfortable talking to people I start saying anything and everything because I get excited. Later I regret some or all of the things I said and feel horrible. I know that with social anxiety that is considered normal but it doesn't make it any better. I am glad someone gets how I feel!
 
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