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Screwed up at work...big time

Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
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And I'm fucked. I may be fired. It's bad. I have to be checked on anytime I mail something out now. I don't knlw if I should quit before they can fire me. I really enjoy my job but I can't be fired...again.

Stupid voices. Stupid alters. I hate my life. I want to die. And I mean it this time. I have half a mind to just quit then kill my self tonight. I'm so close. I was doing so well.
 
TiredTina

TiredTina

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Linc, everyone makes mistakes, its part of life. Whatever it was you know that it wasnt done intentionally. I defy anyone to say that they have never made a mistake at work. I hope that whatever it is can be sorted out by talking to your employer.

TT xx :hug1:
 
Mister.B

Mister.B

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I don't understand the dynamics 'cos I don't know what happened, but the fact they decided to check on what you are doing after your mistake seems to suggest they understand and are trying to help. They might not fire you. :hug:

Try and think positively about the whole thing.
 

MarlieeB

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I defy anyone to say that they have never made a mistake at work.
*Holds hand up*

I have made many mistakes at work, including one massive one at my old job where I lost £3000 for three days, they got company auditors in and everything just before I saw I didn't book in a change delivery. Lucky for me they understood.

Mistakes are easy to make but when they are made it is the worse feeling in the world when you are feeling ok so I can't even imagine how it feels for someone who is unwell.

They believe in you and yes, they will be checking on you but that's a good safety net IMO.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Yup, I've made some big mistakes in my time, including one where a colleague and I had to spend the following day phoning financial advisors and explaining the letter they were about to receive was wrong..... and I didn't lose my job.

Everyone makes mistakes - it's part of life, and also how we learn. You do something wrong once, and generally then you don't do it again! :D
Linc, you're new at your job - they're not going to expect you to be perfect at it. You're still new and learning the ropes.
 
katya

katya

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I fuck up almost constantly at work. Don't worry. I hope they'll be understanding; it sounds like they are being if they're watching you, as another poster has said. And you are doing well. You have a job and you're sticking with it - that's incredibly difficult to do when you suffer from ill mental health. Don't put yourself down. Everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully they'll see soon that it was just a one-time slip up and that you've learned from it very soon.
 
D

Deliah

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What ever you are thinking, I can guarantee you it isn't true. You are an incredible human being. Talk to you boss about your concerns if you can. Everybody makes mistakes, it's impossible not to. It's ok and not wrong in my view, just sends things in a different direction. D xxxxxx
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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I've been so distracted at work. And I hate having alters. Hate it. If I could kill myself and not upset anybody I would. I ruin everything. The voices are so loud. So freaking loud. I can't handle them. I can't handle this anymore. I need to die. I need to go away. Nobody would care anyway. I want to move away and never come back. I'm so embarrassed. I need to die.
 
L

lovagemuffin

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don't be embarrassed even if you got sacked youd still be awesome jobs cause lots of stress your doing good! heres a mistake for you I ate entire plate of chapatis today LOL
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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I might as well die. Nobody wants me. I deserve to die. I hate this. Even my ex doesn't want to talk to me. So why do you all want to talk to me? I don't undersrand why you all talk to me? :scratcheshead:

Do you all want me to leave? I will leave if that's what people want. I deserved to be raped by so many people. I deserved it. I'm a slut. I didn't stop it. I said no but it wasn't stopped.
 
Gajolene

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Why are you talking to your ex? This obviously has triggered you into negative self talk. You can train your mind not to think this way about yourself, with the help of your counsellor/therapist. And no being a rape victim does NOT make you a slut. You were victimized, assaulted, but you survived. Don't you let those people keep victimizing you now. You can get through this Lincoln, I have been where you are now. For many years. Then I got angry for the harm, pain, unending grief, fear and indignity they had caused me and I decided I wasn't going to let them win anymore. I hate them for the way they made me feel about myself.

We want you here because we know you are stronger than you think you are. We see how caring and compassionate you are towards others and want to see you treat yourself with the same dignity and respect you show us all. You deserve a break, and lots of REAL love. Huge huge huge hugs.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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He's my only friend...I'm a loser and have no friends. I pushed them all away. Because I'm stupid. When I lost my job at the hospiral I lost all of those friends. Except a couple. And we'll now it's awkward to talk to the other two because they know my secrets. I have no other friends.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Plus Sue calls me fat every time I go in her office. Yes I know I need to lose weight. Yes I know I'm obese but I don't need to be called fat every week. Plus at work they call me fat
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Well you do have friends here. Is he really your friend or are you only talking to him because you don't want to feel lonely. I know that sounds weird but I've done that in the past and clung onto people who aren't really beneficial, healthy or supportive.

You need to focus on your recovery and realize that you can't go back to the way things were with those people. After I spoke out about my rapes I lost everybody too. I had people turn on me, they said the most awfull things about me. But they were wrong, dead wrong. I deserved better just like you deserve better. We can only live for today and tommorrow, sometimes we can't even see a tommorrow and it takes everything we have just to get through today.

I want you to do something, get a journal, and every time you think something bad about yourself, stop yourself right in the middle by saying mentally or out loud if you alone. "Stop that thought" Then I want you to write something good about yourself in that journal. I don't care how small that good thing is, just anything good. You need to start seeing the good things about yourself. The more you see it the better you will feel about yourself.

It's like a thought path, I compare it to that poem called "The Calf Path". The Calf-Path | Academy of American PoetsThe more you go down that same path the bigger that path gets. Your negative thoughts have been there a long time and have made a big pathway and are used to going down that way now. To change it you need to start a new positive thinking path and stop yourself from going down the same old path.

Does that make any sense to you. I don't know I'm no professional but it helped me to think of it that way.
Hope I'm helping
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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He says hes my friend. I can't trust him though. He did things. That I haven't talked about on here.

Thank you.

I can't trust even my own mother or adopted father. I can't trust anybody in real life that doesn't call me fat or has hurt me in some way. I'm very alone in this world in real life. Everyone has left me...

You are helping G. Thank you.

I really want to move out and need to move. There are things I haven't talked about that have happened to me on here.
 
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