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school and anxiety

K

kat..

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Messages
1
i'm now at the 12th grade i really wanna go to college. when i was at the 11th grade it was all good i was at school where i know everyone and have friends but i had to move to another school at the 12th grade i went the first couple of days and i couldnt go to the school everyday i just get this anxiety so my mom talked to the school and they said they're gonna put me homeschooling and i was happy but nothing has changed. i went to take the tests and i felt so anxious and so uncomfortable its just so scary. it was just so hard for me i tried so hard to convince myself that its okay but i couldn't so i dropped out of school. i just feel that i'm a loser. i've always thought i'd be so successful but i failed my parents i failed everyone that i know and more importantly i've failed myself. i've always thought about committing suicide i know its not the answer but its just easier than dealing with everything. i have no friends. no one to talk to. i have no one who really cares about me i just feel so lonely and sad and now that i've dropped out of school i just feel that im useless and worthless i dont deserve to live im just so tired of feeling this way im so tired of having no one. i wanted to graduate so bad i wanted to move to california and go to college and start a new life but i failed. it hurts me so bad knowing that i'll never be able to live the life that i wanted. i'm also suffering from trichotillomania which makes me feel even worse and i can't talk to anyone about how i feel its just so hard to deal with. i feel like i can't be happy so the only thing i can do is just to commit suicide because its so hard for me to deal with everything...
 
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katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Oh hun, please don't feel that you're worthless or that you've failed anyone.

School is so hard to deal with when you're suffering from anxiety. I'm happy that your school was supportive in that they'd allow you to study at home. What's the situation with the school now?

I suffered with anxiety all the way through high school; although I got (mostly) Bs at GCSE (with some As and an A*), my attendance was roughly 60/70%, which is really bad. I went to university and now I'm (somewhat unbelievably) a teacher myself, working 50 hours a week! So it can be done. I still suffer from anxiety, but it's way more manageable now. I remember feeling so helpless when I was your age.

You're not to blame for your anxiety, which means you're not to blame for missing school; please remember that. You seem like a smart person and I sincerely hope you do get to college in the end.

You should seek out some professional help for how you're feeling. Remember that college is always there and it's a dream you can realise at your own pace.
 
jetblack

jetblack

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2012
Messages
151
Location
East, England
Hello

Hi Kat, What a coincidence that I chose to look :sherlock: who else I had known from whey-back was online :havingfun:...

I would like to welcome :welcome: you to this site & although you need to make the choices that appear right for your situation :scratcheshead:, there could be some useful links & reflections from other members :flower2:

I wish you well, J.:hug:
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Hi honey, I can imagine how sad you are right now and I think it's only natural. I tend to get very stressed and depressed as well when things don't go as planned. You had this plan to go to college, which I think is really great. And, if I understand correctly, stress got somewhere in the middle of this.

These things happen in life, and I really am not saying this to diminish your experience. I'm saying this because it's a common thing, and you're not alone in this. I started my MSc about 2.5 years ago - it was a 1 year MSc. Things were going well at first, I was doing my assignments, passing all my courses. At some point, when I was close to the end, stress got the best of me. Too much stress, worst-case scenarios in mind, and the fear of failing. Every day, every single minute. All this huge thing, of course, made it impossible to concentrate and study. Instead of graduating in 1 year, I finished in 2. Most of my friends had graduated, I felt alone - it took me more than 1 year to finish work that other students had done in 3 or 4 months. But I did it. Not exactly the way I had planned to and wanted to. But I still did it.

I can imagine how alone and sad you're feeling, but please know you're not a failure. Many people might struggle with anxiety, depression or another disorder during school (or university) and not finish so fast. This doesn't mean you're a failure, you're only human. Would it be possible to attend 12th grade next year? You also said you're struggling with anxiety; have you had any help for that? Talked to a doctor? Perhaps having professional help will help you deal better with it.

Please, take it one day at a time now, and know you're not alone.
 
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