- Jan 4, 2015
i'm now at the 12th grade i really wanna go to college. when i was at the 11th grade it was all good i was at school where i know everyone and have friends but i had to move to another school at the 12th grade i went the first couple of days and i couldnt go to the school everyday i just get this anxiety so my mom talked to the school and they said they're gonna put me homeschooling and i was happy but nothing has changed. i went to take the tests and i felt so anxious and so uncomfortable its just so scary. it was just so hard for me i tried so hard to convince myself that its okay but i couldn't so i dropped out of school. i just feel that i'm a loser. i've always thought i'd be so successful but i failed my parents i failed everyone that i know and more importantly i've failed myself. i've always thought about committing suicide i know its not the answer but its just easier than dealing with everything. i have no friends. no one to talk to. i have no one who really cares about me i just feel so lonely and sad and now that i've dropped out of school i just feel that im useless and worthless i dont deserve to live im just so tired of feeling this way im so tired of having no one. i wanted to graduate so bad i wanted to move to california and go to college and start a new life but i failed. it hurts me so bad knowing that i'll never be able to live the life that i wanted. i'm also suffering from trichotillomania which makes me feel even worse and i can't talk to anyone about how i feel its just so hard to deal with. i feel like i can't be happy so the only thing i can do is just to commit suicide because its so hard for me to deal with everything...