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Schizophrenia and it’s effects

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Winterviolet

Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Florida
Background: im 36 and things have never been easy for me. Since a child I preferred to play alone because I was eccentric compared to the other kids. I always felt I held magical powers and had odd beliefs that I could control others emotions and this led me to have no friends and become a recluse. As time went on I learned to deal with my issues but it wasn’t until my 30’s that I started to hear voices. They came at night when I would lay down. I couldn’t pinpoint where they were coming from but it always seemed they were talking about me and giving me commands (not bad commands) just like tests to see if I would respond. Then they started bad talking me and I would hide my face in a pillow, black out my windows and hide from the world. Sometimes in complete denial I would go against them knowing they were false voices and do the opposite of what they said and act like they didn’t exist. It kind of made me feel more powerful but the voices would grow more intesnse. But I learned a coping mechanism to just go about my business and not listen to the voices. I had already been in and out of 29 mental hospitals, tried electro convulsive therapy, multiple medications. It was time I dealt with it head on. So I just tuned them out. I find that the busier I keep myself the less the voices bother me. Recently I decided to stick with a medication regimen and this far it is working. Abilify for schizophrenia 20 mg, 2 mg klonooin, 1 mg cogentin, and a super b vitamin. I try to stay organized as it helps me stay on track and without staying on track or having a routine I would quickly spiral out of control. Right now I’m debating if I can continue to work because I need to get my mental health back in order but that would mean giving up everything I have worked so hard for and do I really want to live in a psych ward with no freedom. Although the only time I’ve felt sane was in a stable psych ward. Crazy I know. But with therapy, medication and a strong family suooort system I’m confident I can make it
 

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BetaMale

BetaMale

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2018
Messages
659
Location
India
I have occasional psychosis in the form of delusions but have never heard voices. I have intrusive thoughts though, so I have an inkling of what hearing voices would feel like.

I'm impressed that you've been able to work despite being in and out of 29 mental hospitals. I'm 30, have been in and out of around 10 mental hospitals and have never been able to work a day in my life. :D (I don't feel guilty about it, though.) If you're unable to work, it's okay to live on disability. Moreover, one can have a daily routine without having a job -- for example, I devote my time to learning new things, especially math and physics and I take free online courses.

The last sentence in your post shows that you're doing reasonably well and I really hope that continues!
 
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Winterviolet

Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Florida
I was denied disability so many times that I had to work just to survive so I got in the habit of just fighting through the hard times. Glad you sound like you are doing pretty alright. I might be applying again though if this medicine doesn’t work for me. It’s my last ditch effort to gain some stability and attempt to keep my life on track. Oh and I love psychics 👻
 
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