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Schizoid psychopath

T

Tjnitram

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Messages
46
Location
England
i dont exist anywhere .my body is invisible inside like a shell. I just copy and imagine and pretend what everyone else is doing. Nothing makes sense . Time. Sounds. Bushes . I just want to live in a timeless picture in my head. I have utter terror at not existing anywhere. I don’t know what people are . . I’m terrified how insane I am. I don’t have thoughts or feelings just a floating thing of imagination above a shell of a thing. The environment around me is different all the time . I don’t experience anything. It’s just black . My body is dead. All my feelings are imagined in a screen in my head . Learned from watching people and from the telly. I’m afraid I’ll just stop , Stare and just dissapear. . I can’t “see” inside my body, when I try body scans it’s like kick starting something frozen but it’s bad. Terror of things inside movement. I don’t understand sensations . Same with yoga. It’s like opening a world of terror . A gateway to hell of attacking things . I want to live in a little schizoid picture or tv screen forever. Away from my body and the world. But I can’t . Anyone else feel like this . I’m also paranoid and hateful of people . Of having a space, - self. A soul. It’s like I can’t bear existence. It’s getting worse because I can’t “hide” anymore. Like I’ve created everything my body image reality feelings in my head. Not experienced from my body. My body is a blank. An invisible hole. It’s constant terror and panic. Like Having a consciousness with nowhere to go . Just squashed behind my eyes. Bored. Solitary confinement. Just trapped consciousness . It’s unbearable
 

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