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Schizoid-Avoidant Personality Disorder

Summerof76

Summerof76

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Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
185
Location
UK
Hey Twinkle Toes,

You never need to apologise for sharing- thank you for feeling like you could. I think this place is all about self-disclosure. I'm definitely guilty of it! Lol
I can certainly see how your background and experiences are the roots of where you are now and reading your posts, I really felt for you- it's like they were trying strip you of all that was you- and I just want to give you a hug (even though you wouldn't want one! Lol).

Animals are fantastic, aren't they? My cats have definitely been what saved me on more than one occasion and like yourself, spending time with people can be exhausting. I'm okay with a choice few- very few- but I don't often do big groups.

I hope you enjoyed your walk and you have a fab day :)
 
T

Twinkle Toes

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somewhere out there
@Summerof76 Thanks! I definitely think the dogs in my life have been the best therapy, no other human (other than your mother/family if you're lucky) can match the unconditional love and acceptance they give you - whoever you happen to be that day!!!

I don't know if you are aware but there is an actual thing called 'Musical Tinnitus'

 
Summerof76

Summerof76

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
185
Location
UK
Hi Natalie,
I've come back to this, because I'm an absolute friggin freak and run my answers back over & over in my head! Totally not on you, but you've had me going over this since I read your post, trying to recall other times when I've heard things. Lol I didn't mention the very first imaginary friend, because frankly, I try not to ever remember that time. A lot happened when I was 11-14 and I was not a well child!
That was actually something I think was more of an imaginary friend. That started when we moved from the North of England back to the South (the bundled into the van incident). When we got back, I was isolated for a while- no school, not allowed out- things to do with my step-father. The voice was more of a creation. Vivid imagination that in a sense psychologically manifested? I don't know, but not the same as the others, but definitely an indication at the time that I needed help. In therapy in later years, that was described as possibly a defensive inner scribe against what was going.
 
Summerof76

Summerof76

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
185
Location
UK
@Summerof76 Thanks! I definitely think the dogs in my life have been the best therapy, no other human (other than your mother/family if you're lucky) can match the unconditional love and acceptance they give you - whoever you happen to be that day!!!

I don't know if you are aware but there is an actual thing called 'Musical Tinnitus'

Thank you! I'll have a look at that. I have had hearing tests and actually had one in September, because of a few things that happened last year at the beginning of lockdown, but unfortunately (or fortunately! Lol) it's not that. I only ever hear the noises at home. I can go anywhere else and not hear them and they do go away when the something or someone I'm stressed out about is gone or resolved.
This doesn't bother me too much, because it doesn't happen often and it doesn't disturb me. It's not influential and doesn't change my behaviour, and I can go years without it occurring, but bloody hell- I wouldn't want tinnitus! That would be all the time.:cry:
 
T

Twinkle Toes

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Joined
Mar 11, 2020
Messages
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somewhere out there
Thank you! I'll have a look at that. I have had hearing tests and actually had one in September, because of a few things that happened last year at the beginning of lockdown, but unfortunately (or fortunately! Lol) it's not that. I only ever hear the noises at home. I can go anywhere else and not hear them and they do go away when the something or someone I'm stressed out about is gone or resolved.
This doesn't bother me too much, because it doesn't happen often and it doesn't disturb me. It's not influential and doesn't change my behaviour, and I can go years without it occurring, but bloody hell- I wouldn't want tinnitus! That would be all the time.:cry:

Tinnitus is not necessarily all the time. It can be a stress reaction and is more often that in people who don't have any hearing loss, but can also be a sign of an hearing loss in one or both ears. I have Tinnitus and it's worst when it's very quiet which is usually at home and usually at night once I've turned the TV off. Always in my right ear which has more of an hearing loss than the left. My newest hearing aids now have a Tinnitus program on them for when its particuarly troublesome, but you can get free apps with sounds like white noise, pink noise, sound of water etc to try if it comes back again.

I haven't had Tinnitus for the whole period of time that I went deaf, it has been worse in the last 5 years since the death of my last dog and the onset of peri-menopause. Vitamin E has helped me too and mine was really roaring loud for 2 weeks solid at the beginning of this year! I had to sleep with the hearing aid on the Tinnitus program to get any relief and sleep!!

Away from home outside it is rarely completely silent there is usually always some kind of environmental sound or I'm too pre-occupied thinking about where I'm going or what I have to do to notice it!

I think on that link they mention Musical Tinnitus is actually rare in things like Schizophrenia where the hallucination is much more likely to be voices.
 
Summerof76

Summerof76

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
185
Location
UK
Thanks for that, Twinkle Toes- that actually makes much more sense!
Very weird though that my love of Jazz music possibly started with Tinnitus! Lol

I have found that once someone gets diagnosed with a M.H issue or PD, everything gets boxed in to that, so Tinnitus wasn't even suggested and I was told that it was to do with the P.D (that was 15 years ago). My elderly mother also suffers with Tinnitus. It started when we moved to Wales and she's nearly deaf now. Hers is all the time and sounds like a rushing sound with intermittent squealing.

I don't have any hearing loss- in fact I have the opposite. My hearing is ultra sensitive to certain noises and (this is going to make me sound like a 4 year old! Lol) I have intolerances to certain noises- usually when they're repetitive. I've tried the ASMR sounds, like the white noise, raindrops, etc- and they make me want to smack someone up! Lol Can't explain why I feel like that, but when I have a noise going over and over again in my ears, it seems to make me feel very angry. Can't listen to that white noise sound- first time I tried that, I began crying for no reason and couldn't stop! Lol

Certain sounds seem to incite quite vivid emotions for me- especially if they're repetitive.
 
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