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Schizo affective, immature, weak, lazy, spoiled?

S

Sad Soul

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
2
Hello to everyone,

This is my first post on this website. My name is Alex, I am 25 you and I have so much to say about my complicated life. But I need to start from somewhere.
I live in London, I came from am eastern European country in 2010 because I was accepted back then at an University in London. My main issue most of my life was shiness and lack of confidence. As a child, I used to be a clever boy, and always curious about everything that surrounded me. In school and college I used to be one of the real achievers, being an B+ and sometimes an A grade student. One of the wrong things I started doing from a young age was drinking alcohol. That was around 11-12 yo. At the beginning it was such a great feeling and euphoria and it was making me temporary very sociable. At the same age and until 12-13 up I also used rarely to sniff glue. I was quite an teribilist who tried to prove that I can be good at school, but also one of the coolest in my classroom. For example, I would show my male classmate my collection of pornography to which I was exposed at an early age.
At the age of 12 I would ask the older people in my neighbourhood how could I find a prostitute to have sex with. And they found me one, which it was quite dodgy because I was 12 and she was around 16, and the people who connected me with her where over 20 years old. In the same year, I entered a house where a woman was having sex with multiple men at once. That's when I first gave oral sex to a woman, and I was only 12. At the age of 14 my dad brought a hooked in my house, thinking that I was a Virgin and it's time to "become a man".
Anyway, my sexual life became active and I was already had having sex with more than 10-15 women until I moved to London at the age of 19. At 16 I started smoking cannabis but probably I smoked less than ten times before moving to England. On the other side, I was sniffing and smoking for several times the "legal synthetic drugs".
When I arrived to London, two months before finishing my first year, I first talked to a counsellor and being prescribed antidepressants. Meanwhile, I started smoking cannabis quite regularly. Next year, I met so called new friends who would also introduced me to meth and coke. That's when I really suffered from severe anxiety which the psychiatrists assumed they were psychotic symptoms and prescribed me Risperidone. Afterwards, many years I was regularly taking antidepressants, mood stabilisers and antipsychotics. I would describe as an idiot because I would still doing drugs at the same time. What bothers me the most is that, apart from a relationship of six months with a 43 yo woman when I was 23, most of my life I haven't had girlfriends. Now I'm 25, I've been doing sports regularly for many years, I am quite handsome, maybe a bit over average, but I cannot speak to a girl not even on Facebook. And I see everyday so many girls smilling at me in tube, on the street, everywhere, but I do not have the courage to speak to none of them. I am so depressed that, two days ago I started punching my head and afterwards started crying in front of my male mates because I am not capable of having a relationship with any girl at my age because I am very shy even though I probably had sex with over 40 prostitutes until now. How can it be explained that if I'm paying the girl I am not being pudic at all, but if I meet a non prostitute girl my social skills are non existent? What conclusion can be taken after what I described? Do I sound psychotic, manic, depressed or just simply sad and disappointed? I am waiting to read opinions. Thank you.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,090
Location
UK
Hello Sad Soul

Welcome to the forum. :welcome:

I am afraid I don't know how to answer your questions, but wanted to say hello. I hope other members will have some ideas that may help.

I think perhaps some kind of counselling or therapy may be worth trying again. Some specialise in sexual problems.

Counselling Directory - Find a Counsellor Near You

Best wishes, Sarah
 
S

Sad Soul

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2016
Messages
2
Thank you Sarah for welcoming me to the forum.
Apparently my thread describing my issue sounds so lame that even people self harming themselves laugh at me. I was expecting more compassion
I'm truly so pathetic :(
 
Last edited by a moderator:
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,090
Location
UK
You are not pathetic at all.

I can't see any other thread, and there are no other comments yet, so I am not sure what you are referring to. Who is laughing at you? If anyone is, they are pathetic, not you.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
Hello to everyone,

This is my first post on this website. My name is Alex, I am 25 you and I have so much to say about my complicated life. But I need to start from somewhere.
I live in London, I came from am eastern European country in 2010 because I was accepted back then at an University in London. My main issue most of my life was shiness and lack of confidence. As a child, I used to be a clever boy, and always curious about everything that surrounded me. In school and college I used to be one of the real achievers, being an B+ and sometimes an A grade student. One of the wrong things I started doing from a young age was drinking alcohol. That was around 11-12 yo. At the beginning it was such a great feeling and euphoria and it was making me temporary very sociable. At the same age and until 12-13 up I also used rarely to sniff glue. I was quite an teribilist who tried to prove that I can be good at school, but also one of the coolest in my classroom. For example, I would show my male classmate my collection of pornography to which I was exposed at an early age.
At the age of 12 I would ask the older people in my neighbourhood how could I find a prostitute to have sex with. And they found me one, which it was quite dodgy because I was 12 and she was around 16, and the people who connected me with her where over 20 years old. In the same year, I entered a house where a woman was having sex with multiple men at once. That's when I first gave oral sex to a woman, and I was only 12. At the age of 14 my dad brought a hooked in my house, thinking that I was a Virgin and it's time to "become a man".
Anyway, my sexual life became active and I was already had having sex with more than 10-15 women until I moved to London at the age of 19. At 16 I started smoking cannabis but probably I smoked less than ten times before moving to England. On the other side, I was sniffing and smoking for several times the "legal synthetic drugs".
When I arrived to London, two months before finishing my first year, I first talked to a counsellor and being prescribed antidepressants. Meanwhile, I started smoking cannabis quite regularly. Next year, I met so called new friends who would also introduced me to meth and coke. That's when I really suffered from severe anxiety which the psychiatrists assumed they were psychotic symptoms and prescribed me Risperidone. Afterwards, many years I was regularly taking antidepressants, mood stabilisers and antipsychotics. I would describe as an idiot because I would still doing drugs at the same time. What bothers me the most is that, apart from a relationship of six months with a 43 yo woman when I was 23, most of my life I haven't had girlfriends. Now I'm 25, I've been doing sports regularly for many years, I am quite handsome, maybe a bit over average, but I cannot speak to a girl not even on Facebook. And I see everyday so many girls smilling at me in tube, on the street, everywhere, but I do not have the courage to speak to none of them. I am so depressed that, two days ago I started punching my head and afterwards started crying in front of my male mates because I am not capable of having a relationship with any girl at my age because I am very shy even though I probably had sex with over 40 prostitutes until now. How can it be explained that if I'm paying the girl I am not being pudic at all, but if I meet a non prostitute girl my social skills are non existent? What conclusion can be taken after what I described? Do I sound psychotic, manic, depressed or just simply sad and disappointed? I am waiting to read opinions. Thank you.
Ewe you were exposed to sex at too young of an age man! I hope everyone who hooked you up with sex so young dies! That is pedophilia those prostitutes committed! I was molested by a few different people as a child! Repulsive! :yuck: I'm so sorry you suffered that. I'm a firm believer in being 18 + before sex. I think you are too traumatized by it. I am so very sorry! :hug:
 
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