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New member
Jul 27, 2017
okay i am a 19 year old gay male and ive suffered a lot of diffrent typees of intrusive thoughts from murder to sex to and violence but now i have a new one its TOCD i have never once in my life questioned my gender i have always been happy but now im doubting myself and the thoughts are making me sad i keep checking and reassuring but its making me sad any help please im scared i would also doubt myself. I would also do rituals like sticking my penis between my legs and seeing how i fell and react or imaging myself as the opposite gender to test my feelings but i get opposite feelings to what i want and it makes me sad becasue then it feels like its what i want im just sad and anxious is this OCD please any advice or help


Nov 27, 2018
I can imagine it’s been really scary for you to question your gender however it’s also quite normal. Getting help for your mental health is first priority as it may help you distinguish what is real and what isn’t. I would try reaching out to LGBTQ+ communities for advice as well. There will be other people with your confusion there too.
I hope you find your answers soon


Well-known member
Jun 29, 2017
19 is a fairly young age when a man starts to realize his sexuality. so its not surprising that you are having sudden thoughts of sex that you might not ever had before.

having thoughts of sex is normal, I guess. heck, I had quite a lot of thoughts of sex, when I was your age. But I was also watching porn back then, which might have been affecting my sexuality and the frequency of sexual thoughts. So I stopped watching it, because the sexual thoughts were starting to manifest within my social behavior and communication in nonsexual environments.

But yeah, thoughts of murder and violence are definitely not normal. It could be due to the way you might be getting treated, as some homosexuals are not treated as fairly as heterosexual in some situations. It's not uncommon for a sexual thought to evolve into a violent or homicidal thought because sexual thoughts can be very strong, personal, and sensitive.

Don't feel afraid to reach out to LGBTQ+ peer support groups, counselors, doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, and others. I feel you could be in a situation where you might be a danger to yourself or others, my friend, especially if you are having thoughts of murder.


Well-known member
Dec 23, 2018
Thanks for being so honest and open! Intrusive thoughts are the WORST part of my anxiety/depression. They are obsessive and not necessarily how you feel *really,* and worst of all, very frightening. Do you take any medication?

I take sertraline (Zoloft), and this Xmas season has been busy enough to make me think I need to up my dosage. Every now and then weird thoughts creep in and I feel irrationally scared by them. But, I am able to tuck them aside quickly and move on through them, thankfully.

I urge you to take a med if you’re not already on one. The leveling effect of a med will be welcome to your weary mind and will allow you to move on comfortably and positively.

I’ve no idea what you must be feeling in regards to your gender questioning. All I can do is offer support and assure you that there’s never been a better time to deal with gender issues. The world is much more open minded about that now!

Happy Holidaze, and hope you find solace!


Well-known member
Mar 26, 2018
How are your supporters? It sounds like keeping these thoughts in are putting a lot of stress and pressure on yourself. Do you have someone, like a family member, good friend, or even someone from the online community, who you can talk with about what is going on?

While I cannot imagine the turmoil that you are going through, I do know that a strong support system can get you through pretty much anything. So maybe see if you can seek support from others before going the medication route?