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scared to sleep and a mess

B

butterflycity

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2010
Messages
1
Having finally found a place on the internet where people might not say things like "get over yourself" or "I recommend hash", I feel safe to share my craziness at last :D

I feel like a weirdo and a baby but here is my story

Throughout my life I've had issues with sleep. As a child I felt that sleep was total aloness, a time when the lights went out and everything stopped and you were left totally alone. I'd look out my flat window and see the blinking red light of a car alarm and be comforted, it was a part of the world still moving, the world hadn't stopped. I had an overactive mind and couldnt get to sleep. I hated the dark. I wasn't scared to sleep but I hated going to bed.

As I got older throughout high school there'd be times when I'd panic. "If I'm not asleep by 11 the hall landing light will be turned off and I'll be alone in the dark when my mum goes to bed" I'd think. I'd try forcing myself to sleep, and then I'd fear the inevitability of sleep. "I must go to sleep tonight and I must switch off I have no choice". Otherwise I'll be ill the next day, my health will suffer, I'll go mad. Sleep must happen, unconsciousness must happen, and then I'd feel afraid. I'd always end up drifting off though, and not want to get up the next morning. Sometimes this fear went away. I might take a book to bed in case I couldn't sleep, just so I wouldnt feel deprived and alone. I'd rarely read it. I mostly got enough sleep and did well at high school.

Come uni, I was so busy, working excersising and doing uni work that I was often tired and napped during the day. This normalised sleep and I lost my fear. I'd know I could sleep during the day, that I didnt fear sleep during the day. I wouldnt die or go mad. I'd look forward to sleep at night.

However, during my final uni year, I lost my job at the clothes shop, I was stressed, I was anxious, I'd had fights with friends, I was sleeping irregular hours and my housemates were judgemental. They used to go to bed at 11 and get up at 7am. I felt like a waster. I was missing morning seminars. My fear of sleep returned. I left uni with a 2.1 last July but I havent been able to find work.
I'm unemployed and I sit around the house, I have a boyfriend but it's long distance and I see him 3 weekends a month. during august I used to go to sleep at dawn and wake up at 2pm. I felt disgusting. I would stay up all night on the internet putting off sleep.

I was scared of the act of sleep, of temporary death, of not being able to control my dreams, of being alone and deprived in bed. I can't predict what my dreams will be, they might be unpleasant (they often are now). I'm terrified to sleep!!!!!!:scared::scared::scared:

TERRIFIED

putting myself unconcious for hours, and if I don't I'll go mad and die. I've sleeped deprived myself sometimes and got panic attacks thinking, I must sleep now I've got no choice!! what if I can't:scared:

I can't hold normal hours down for a job. I'm scared all weeknd with my boyfriend because I dont have the internet b4 i sleep to calm me down and distract me. I have to sleep at 1 am coz that's when he sleeps and get up at 8am but I often cant get to sleep coz those arent my normal hours and then Im sleep deprived!! I run on adrenaline all weekend.

I start thinking horrible thoughts about death and oblivion and all the evil things that happen in the world and my anxiety peaks !! :(

I keep this all to myself and feel like a freak, help!! my mum just thinks Im a lazy toerag :( she'd get mad and say I was stupid if she read this.

thanks for reading, sorry to rant, peace
xx
 
C

coraline1664

Guest
Hi Butterflycity

I'm so sorry you've had to live with this fear. I can only imagine how much suffering it has caused you. There is nothing stupid about it at all, in childhood a lot of things seem confusing, frightening and unknown- because they are at that early stage of your life. It obviously affected you a lot then and has stuck with you. I still have certain feelings and worries that I had when I was a young child too.

Sleep is peaceful, simply a state of deep relaxation. You can imagine whatever you want before you drift off to sleep. Dreams can be amazing things where you can do and feel anything, experience new things- frightening dreams are only one possibilty.
Your heart is still beating, you are still breathing and this form of rest is filling you with energy for the next day. It is not something to be feared and you will never find yourself completely unable to sleep so that you will go mad and die. It keeps you alive, so it will happen naturally.

If you hate the silence, maybe you could choose some music to have on quietly in the background. The radio is a good reminder that life is always going on, it's helped me in the past. People in other countries are awake as you lie in bed and living their daily lives! You could keep a bedside lamp on if it helps you. You could also try putting pictures you like where you can see them from your bed, or other comforting things.

I hope your situation improves for you. Remember, you are able to alter these feelings. :)

Best of luck,

Liz
 
BORTU

BORTU

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
1,449
Location
SW England
Hi Butterfly,

Welcome to the forum. I also have had a sleep problem. Not as bad as yours perhaps, but I can sleep during the day and hate "bedtime".

I have discovered a few web sites that helped me.



BBC Health

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/
This is a list of options and advice links to help you discover your problem, and find a solution.


PATIENT UK
http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Sleep-Problems-A-Self-Help-Guide.htm
A self help guide.


INSOMNIACS
http://www.insomniacs.co.uk/
A fairly intensive site of information about sleep problems. From babies to smoring husbands.
 
C

CalmMind

Guest
Hi Butterfly,

My sleep problems have been minor when compared to yours, an interesting approach that I have used recently is to concentrate on staying awake!

Sounds mad but it works. When you find yourself wide awake in the middle of the night, with your mind buzzing, don't get up just let your body soften into your bed and gently focus your thoughts upon staying awake for the next few hours. When your mind races off, just bring it back and concentrate (not too hard) on staying awake.

Try it and see.:sleep:
 
gazza

gazza

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2010
Messages
196
Location
England
i have tried a similar technique that i read about in a v.good book a good friend gave to me. As part of his training a young buddhist was told to go and stay in a cave and think of nothing at all. All night long he tried and tried but thoughts kept poking in to his mind. He told his teacher in the morning and said that he understands that he has failed in this task. However, the teacher then instructed him to return to the same cave and think of nothing but a white bear. All night long the pupil tried to concentrate upon the bear but he would find himself forgetting and thinking of nothing and nodding off. The next day he told his teacher that yet again he has failed in his task. His teacher pointed out that he has not failed but has learnt an important lesson. The mind is a seperate entity that does not try to control us and thus the more we try to tame it the less managable it may become. I'm quite sure I may have mashed up the quote somewhat but it works with the same principle as CalmMind suggests. I sometimes try to imagine that i'm in outer space and gazing upon our planet and slowly zoom in and out like can be done with the google earth thingy, it seems to trigger a happy floaty feeling that i allow to engulf me and pretty soon i'm zonked. It is sometimes difficult not to let money troubles or the like to invade but i try to tell myself that they will still be there ready for me to worry about tomorrow and now is 'me' time.
 
C

CalmMind

Guest
Hi Gazza,
I like your google earth idea, I'm collecting ideas for calming our minds, can I add this to my course?

I have just created a calming blog course with calming tweets which is a collection of simple accessible techniques that don't get hung up in technicalities

My blog can be found at http://www.nealedaniel.wordpress.com and tweets on twitter @nealedaniel
 
vriskaserket

vriskaserket

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2020
Messages
25
Location
nowhere
Having finally found a place on the internet where people might not say things like "get over yourself" or "I recommend hash", I feel safe to share my craziness at last :D

I feel like a weirdo and a baby but here is my story

Throughout my life I've had issues with sleep. As a child I felt that sleep was total aloness, a time when the lights went out and everything stopped and you were left totally alone. I'd look out my flat window and see the blinking red light of a car alarm and be comforted, it was a part of the world still moving, the world hadn't stopped. I had an overactive mind and couldnt get to sleep. I hated the dark. I wasn't scared to sleep but I hated going to bed.

As I got older throughout high school there'd be times when I'd panic. "If I'm not asleep by 11 the hall landing light will be turned off and I'll be alone in the dark when my mum goes to bed" I'd think. I'd try forcing myself to sleep, and then I'd fear the inevitability of sleep. "I must go to sleep tonight and I must switch off I have no choice". Otherwise I'll be ill the next day, my health will suffer, I'll go mad. Sleep must happen, unconsciousness must happen, and then I'd feel afraid. I'd always end up drifting off though, and not want to get up the next morning. Sometimes this fear went away. I might take a book to bed in case I couldn't sleep, just so I wouldnt feel deprived and alone. I'd rarely read it. I mostly got enough sleep and did well at high school.

Come uni, I was so busy, working excersising and doing uni work that I was often tired and napped during the day. This normalised sleep and I lost my fear. I'd know I could sleep during the day, that I didnt fear sleep during the day. I wouldnt die or go mad. I'd look forward to sleep at night.

However, during my final uni year, I lost my job at the clothes shop, I was stressed, I was anxious, I'd had fights with friends, I was sleeping irregular hours and my housemates were judgemental. They used to go to bed at 11 and get up at 7am. I felt like a waster. I was missing morning seminars. My fear of sleep returned. I left uni with a 2.1 last July but I havent been able to find work.
I'm unemployed and I sit around the house, I have a boyfriend but it's long distance and I see him 3 weekends a month. during august I used to go to sleep at dawn and wake up at 2pm. I felt disgusting. I would stay up all night on the internet putting off sleep.

I was scared of the act of sleep, of temporary death, of not being able to control my dreams, of being alone and deprived in bed. I can't predict what my dreams will be, they might be unpleasant (they often are now). I'm terrified to sleep!!!!!!:scared::scared::scared:

TERRIFIED

putting myself unconcious for hours, and if I don't I'll go mad and die. I've sleeped deprived myself sometimes and got panic attacks thinking, I must sleep now I've got no choice!! what if I can't:scared:

I can't hold normal hours down for a job. I'm scared all weeknd with my boyfriend because I dont have the internet b4 i sleep to calm me down and distract me. I have to sleep at 1 am coz that's when he sleeps and get up at 8am but I often cant get to sleep coz those arent my normal hours and then Im sleep deprived!! I run on adrenaline all weekend.

I start thinking horrible thoughts about death and oblivion and all the evil things that happen in the world and my anxiety peaks !! :(

I keep this all to myself and feel like a freak, help!! my mum just thinks Im a lazy toerag :( she'd get mad and say I was stupid if she read this.

thanks for reading, sorry to rant, peace
xx
its okay youre not stupid. i also sort of fear sleeping. i fear getting hurt or kidnapped or being watched. also nightmares. but really i just cant sleep alone. i have to be near someone. thats why i usually sleep on the couch, i dont think ive slept in my room more than 10 times
 
Rex Smith

Rex Smith

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2020
Messages
475
Location
San Diego
its okay youre not stupid. i also sort of fear sleeping. i fear getting hurt or kidnapped or being watched. also nightmares. but really i just cant sleep alone. i have to be near someone. thats why i usually sleep on the couch, i dont think ive slept in my room more than 10 times
I don't think they will respond. Since they made the post in 2010 and haven't posted again since.

That sucks how you feel. I don't like to sleep but when I do, i need to sleep alone. I'm married but have my own room and need my personal space. It's a non traditional marriage and probably the only reason I'm still married.
 
vriskaserket

vriskaserket

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2020
Messages
25
Location
nowhere
I don't think they will respond. Since they made the post in 2010 and haven't posted again since.

That sucks how you feel. I don't like to sleep but when I do, i need to sleep alone. I'm married but have my own room and need my personal space. It's a non traditional marriage and probably the only reason I'm still married.
ah haha sorry i didnt even know it was that old. also thanks for replying :). i cant get married though i am super young lolol
 
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