Scared to relapse/fall off track.

J

jterryw

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Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
United Kingdom
#1
Hey all.
I struggled with anorexia and orthorexia all throughout high school, then in college a bit, but then last summer I actually became bulimic after a trip to Europe with a lot of food.
Since then, I'd seen a nutritionist, she gave me a plan, but it was just way more food than I was used to eating. She said I wasn't eating enough, and the plan she gave me was the right amount of nutrients for my lifestyle. I followed it for a while, but then I became paranoid I was gaining weight, and so I got depressed and just started eating small meals once a day.
I've gotten better since then, on and off really, one week I'll eat normally and exercise often but then the next week I'll stop eating altogether.
There's an anorexic girl at my gym and sometimes I just wish I looked like that again.
I see a psychiatrist for my other mental health issues but I haven't been able to come forward and ask for help with this. I have an app to track my food so I can see if I am at risk. I eat approximately x calories a day now, with a very active workplace and with exercise at least 4 times a week. I know it's unhealthy but even this feels like too much.
My measurements are larger than they've been in ages and I can't stay motivated to eat. I'm so scared to fall off the wagon again.
I know logically I am not overweight, but I constantly feel enormous and horrible.
Can anyone please offer some support/advice? I want to be the size I was before and be healthy, but I can't stop thinking I'd just be better off not eating.
 
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Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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#2
Hi,
Please tell your psychiatrist about your eating disorders, you need support etc
Hope you heal soon from this
Email or write them a letter if you can't speak facetoface.
Take care
 
J

jterryw

Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
6
Location
United Kingdom
#3
Hi,
Please tell your psychiatrist about your eating disorders, you need support etc
Hope you heal soon from this
Email or write them a letter if you can't speak facetoface.
Take care
I have no idea what I'd say, I've been seeing her for months and haven't really gone into detail about it, just some of my feelings about it. Can you offer me some advice on how to bring it up and come clean?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
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#4
Hi,
I'd tell her you have found it really difficult to bring up, she'll understand I'm sure.
I hope your able to get help.
Take care
 
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