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Scared to read my journal

V

volnash

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
Basically, it's something i havent done for personal reasons, im affraid of what's in there and well...... simply put 3 months when i was in one of the sections i didnt talk at all to anyone and another patient later described me as a vegetable, i dont even remember anything from that period of my life.

Basically was a vegetable, i woke up in different sections of the hospital, and didnt know what they were doing with me or what was going on, i couldnt recall being one place for long, simply just waking up different places, but i had been one of the places for 3 months, and it seems like a couple of days.

I was also in belts:( for 3 months and they dont put people in those belts for nothing, it's very strict and thats mainly why im scared to read my journal, affraid of what dark things are in there, or something else.

What should i do? im at my wits end here, im sad enough by itself already but thinking back alot lately, and it's killing me the not knowing.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
I could be the meds you were on heavily sedated you into amnesia Volnash, also when manic I notice with my ex and the boys that they lose chunks of memory too, especially when hospital admitts were necessary. Try to stay focused on your recovery and today, if you know looking at past journal entries is going to upset you don't look and leave it till your feeling more confident with yourself.
I do that myself, vent out PTSD stuff that triggers me, that gets locked inside, and causes me to think obsessively about it, I vent it just to get it out and aleviate my anxiety and fears, or to express my grief, than don't look at it because I know it will trigger me into anxiety and fear.

Whats important is today and living the day out to the best of your ability. Huge huge hugs
 
Mister.B

Mister.B

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Joined
Jan 1, 2013
Messages
8,923
Location
Coventry, England
If it would make you feel better you could ask your journal be deleted, if it's on here, so then you couldn't know even if you wanted to. Then start a new journal with all your faculties and hopefully it'll be less dark.

If it's a physical journal you keep, then it's the same thing but you just have to destroy it physically.

This might be a little too extreme for you, though... and it might hamper your recovery to not read it and recognise the warning signs for when you started to get ill and etc. It's just an idea after all.

Hope this helps.
 
V

volnash

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
Yes you are correct, i need to recognise the warning signs, so i think ive decided to finally read it, thanks to everyone who replied:)
 
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