this might be a long post, so please bear with me. First and foremost, I am pro-gun as the title may suggest, but I have this continuous fear that I’ll be careless with my purchased (AK/AR... to be determined) gun, and do what many other mentally unstable people do. I do not condone mass murdering, and I have this fear of being too careful around people to not accidentally harm them... but sometimes I think in my head: “what if... I actually use it?” I’ll read news articles, or these really contagious YouTube videos that strive only to empower the reader as a capable “killing machine” by means of labeling the shooters hobbies, or lifestyle. I read an article about how (I know saying this bastards name is bad, but I must for this example) Adam Lanza stayed at home all the time, hating the sun, secluding himself from people, Researched columbine a lot, played lots of video games, (we have almost the same amount) fantasized, and pretty much questioned the world. When I read that... I felt as if that article was being written about me, and I felt this sense of regret, or like disgust that instantaneously plagued my body full of it. I closed my Sportsman rifle shopping tab, I closed out the article, turned off my computer and felt like I’m a worthless slave to America’s history. And by that I mean I cannot be me without the fear of being he, even though I know I’m not goinkg to be he, but the “what if’s,” and the “how does someone get that fucked up,” ruminating perpetuates all of these doubts. I want to buy a rifle for defense, I am almost 21, I am somewhat of a misanthrope that stays inside a lot, but I really want to take advantage of my second-amendment rights before another one of these stupid shootings happens, and outlaws these things. What do you think I should do? Should I get the gun even though I play scenarios in my head, and out of frustration sometimes, I make jokes, or maybe pissed off empty-threats that pertain to these shootings... or should I just skip out on it. Also, do you have these issues nowadays if you’re a gun owner? And if so, how do you cope with it? I feel like there’s not enough threads on the internet about this, and I’m starting to feel abnormal even though it’s my brain playing tricks on me. Sorry if this was lengthy, and I hope those three questions are relatable enough for you to answer them.