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Scared of the Future

E

encapsulate5

New member
Joined
Jan 8, 2019
Messages
1
#1
I'm new here, I just made my acct to post about this. Bipolar 2, OCD, anxiety, ED.
I'm really scared that I'll never find a job that I like. I wish I could've gone to college but I thought I'd die before I left HS, and then as I was in the last few months of HS, I figured I'd die by age 21 or so and it'd be a waste to scramble to get into college. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot after walking out of school for the last time and sobbing because I couldn't believe I actually made it but also oh my gosh where do I even go from here.
Well I graduated in 2016, and 3 months later, on my birthday, I started a job doing data entry. And here I am, 2.5 yrs later, still doing data entry. It's good just because it's easy and I can cry and panic at my cubicle without getting in trouble or causing such a deficit in my production that management notices. Low pay though.
I'm married (yes, very young, I know) and I have a quaint little apartment with my boyfriend and 2 birds I really love and a church community that I'm happy to be a part of and a loving family. I take my meds and see a therapist, so even if I never get a satisfying job, I should be okay, right? Like I'm just expecting too much, a lot of people have jobs that they don't like. That's life.
But I would really love a job I could enjoy... I'm scared of going into debt by trying to go to college and my passions are foreign languages, history, linguistics, literature, art, music. Besides being bilingual (not natively) and having a knack for learning other languages fast, I'm worried about finding a career in any the fields I love. There really isn't much that I'd be interested in pursuing that doesn't require a bachelor's degree minimum if I ever want a career in it. And, just being objective, the specific jobs I like are pretty unrealistic.
It just seems like it all cyclically leads into me being stuck in an empty, boring job that sucks the life out of me. And I'm worried about my mental health, being stuck in a mindless, monotonous job for the next 50 years because I don't have the education to go anywhere else. I'll go crazy. And then if I somehow do get a job I'm passionate about, I'm worried my issues will ruin it for me on a day that I'm too distraught or depressed or anxious or whatever to interact with people like a normal person.
I'm just so upset that my bipolar disorder screwed me out of a normal high school experience that included a plan for college which leads to a good career that I actually like. I can't see a way out of it besides debt. I wouldn't consider asking my parents for financial help since, although they offered when I first graduated, I didn't accept it and then I moved out the next year. So I feel it would be unfair to ask them for help once I've already moved out and married, even though they still offer to pitch in for some of the bigger doctor's bills and stuff like that.
I'm just so scared and stressed and frustrated.
Has anybody else gone through this? Going through this? I just need to know somebody else knows what I'm saying.