- May 16, 2009
Hi all. I don't know if anyone can help me with this but I don't think posting it would hurt. One of my problems is that I'm always scared of getting close to people. I have many reasons that feel right to myself but I don't think they really are. I have many friends and I know a lot about their personal lives. They have all sorts of problems that they tell me and I try to help them if I can, but none of them knows about my illness and my self harm and the hatred I feel towards the whole wide world! I can't trust them. I keep thinking 'What if she tells someone?!' or ' What if she can't understand?!' or 'What if she laughs at me?!' etc. AND I'm afraid of hurting them. I keep telling myself that I don't have the right to upset them by talking about my problems! I also think that hanging around with me (considering my unstable moods) may cause them to become depressed too and their families may not want their children to be with me if they find out about my situation. Because having a mental illness, seeing the psychiatrist and taking meds are very unusual where I live. I really don't know what to do anymore! I don't think I can isolate myself from the world forever!