Scared of getting close to people

[Enpi]

Hi all. I don't know if anyone can help me with this but I don't think posting it would hurt. One of my problems is that I'm always scared of getting close to people. I have many reasons that feel right to myself but I don't think they really are. I have many friends and I know a lot about their personal lives. They have all sorts of problems that they tell me and I try to help them if I can, but none of them knows about my illness and my self harm and the hatred I feel towards the whole wide world! I can't trust them. I keep thinking 'What if she tells someone?!' or ' What if she can't understand?!' or 'What if she laughs at me?!' etc. AND I'm afraid of hurting them. I keep telling myself that I don't have the right to upset them by talking about my problems! I also think that hanging around with me (considering my unstable moods) may cause them to become depressed too and their families may not want their children to be with me if they find out about my situation. Because having a mental illness, seeing the psychiatrist and taking meds are very unusual where I live. I really don't know what to do anymore! I don't think I can isolate myself from the world forever!

 

[jamesdean]

I'm sure that you will make many friends here that you can talk to and trust very much good luck and keep posting JD

 

[ms_P]

Hi all. I don't know if anyone can help me with this but I don't think posting it would hurt. One of my problems is that I'm always scared of getting close to people. I have many reasons that feel right to myself but I don't think they really are. I have many friends and I know a lot about their personal lives. They have all sorts of problems that they tell me and I try to help them if I can, but none of them knows about my illness and my self harm and the hatred I feel towards the whole wide world! I can't trust them. I keep thinking 'What if she tells someone?!' or ' What if she can't understand?!' or 'What if she laughs at me?!' etc. AND I'm afraid of hurting them. I keep telling myself that I don't have the right to upset them by talking about my problems! I also think that hanging around with me (considering my unstable moods) may cause them to become depressed too and their families may not want their children to be with me if they find out about my situation. Because having a mental illness, seeing the psychiatrist and taking meds are very unusual where I live. I really don't know what to do anymore! I don't think I can isolate myself from the world forever!

Hi Enpi,
I know how you feel. What I've learned having been on this planet for so long about this is...stop overanalyzing everything! It'll only wear you out and you won't get concrete answers anyway. There aren't any certainties (besides the obvious) nor guaranties in life.
Being the best you can be is enough. Sometimes being better than other times.
It's a shame we feel like criminals for having mental health issues. You do have the right to privacy and anything you tell others is totally up to you, but not a prerequisite to having or being a friend, in my humble opinion.

 

[Enpi]

Thank you both. You're definitely making sense ms_P. I'll try to use the advice.

 

[keepsafe]

Hello Enpi,

I never talk about my problems either to anyone only on here and the professionals so it is good that this is here for me - I hope you find it helps you in some way too - I would say people tend not to be judgemental here as they all know what you are going through in one way or another, even if their experiences are not exactly alike.

Please take care and feel free to talk, I know it isn;t easy.
KS

 

[Eclipse]

Hello Enpi
I have only recently joined and even here find it hard to and so far havent been able to open up so well done on what you have already said, Here you are among like minded folk who wont judge or laugh we mostly know the pain and isolation caused through mental health issues, i have found it easier to talk on line to people and explain but never discuss or confide outside i have the fear f being laughed at or having me and what i said passed about especially when friends fall out even on line i have been promised never a word will be spoken then we fell out and she was sending details to people she knew i was friends with so i had to leave.
You say you have many friends but are scared of hurting them if they are friends they will understand if they found out and they confide in you you must realise you are not unique in your Mental health and many probably some friends of yours will also be aching to tell someone of there pain but being able to talk here and open up will help you to vent and not feel isolated so do carry on posting
Eclipse

 

[jamesdean]

I guess the art eclipse is to have the courage of your convications I think the saying goes most in all my life both in the real world

I wouldnt trust someone more than I could handle myself handling the situation if something came out in to the open.

I think it might be a little like I have learnt through age engage your brain before you speak thats not always such an easy one and at a younger age I used to get my self in all sorts of trouble.


I have learnt a really valuable lesson now that is if you dont want a secret to come out then dont tell anyone, though that dosent include things that have deeper meaning n the need for therapy.

I havent many people cause me grief in my life though I would swear on my life I was reported to the dwp by someone that had really got into my mind, that was really scarry because they stopped all my money n owed ten thousand at that time in my life aswell in 99 I was before a tribunal n everything.

Its a difficult one trust.

 

[Enpi]

Thanks for the replies. I should confess that when I first joined the forum I didn't think it would help me much, but now I feel different about it. It's really good to know that there are people out there who can understand what I'm going through; people who are willing to offer help and advice based on their own personal experiences.

 

[Eclipse]

I would say James Dean think before you speak is a very good text to live bye , what i was more trying to say though is when in deep need to discuss something and you tell someone who promises to keep it to themselves you have left yourself wide open then , if you are able to hold all inside great till the day you breakdown sometimes its just speaking and airing your problem and getting some advice or guidance from someone who just has a diffrent opinion or view to yours can really help but to then have personal details you confided pushed at other friends is really horrible, as ive got older i have learned and am weary as you sound its a very hard judgement call to make or as the joke goes i will be your friend forever as you know to much
Eclipse

Enpi go ahead and post folks will listen and help where they can and so often just writing and posting can clear and relieve so much pressure in your mind and you will get replies from like minded and people who have and are going through what you are going through