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Scared for my own mental well-being as a result of poor state of mind of family members

M

maliboba

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2017
Messages
2
Scared for my own mental well-being as a result of poor state of mind of family members

currently sat in my room with my door barricaded by my bed and other boxes. i have suffered mild depression in the past and recovered without my family members even noticing/realising and my dad denying i ever had it in the first place. this morning my sister is going back to university, and i notice an item i let her borrow hasn't been returned since i last asked her about it. again she responds with extreme aggression, raising her voice immediately, and turning the argument around on me. admittedly, i overreact and inform her and my parents that i won't be giving her her birthday present for the next week, nor will I come to see her off. however at this point, i'm sick of my sister's compulsive lying after years of her taking my things with/without permission, and then lying about them afterwards. she's been doing this since she was a child, and my parents refused to get me a lock for my door. she also steals money out of my father's wallet and drawers when she can. my mother then starts pressing her further, and all hell breaks loose.
she starts sending me violent messages on social media, using the worst insults and swear words she can think of, anything to degrade me and make me feel bad about myself. i simply block the messages, trying not to let her get to me whilst I look around for the item in case i misplaced it, trying to see if i can fix the situation and then apologise.
she storms upstairs, clearly upset, and starts screaming and cursing me, and i try to ignore it. she then storms in my room and outright tries to hit me, to which my mother pulls her back. i call her a liar and a thief, reminding her how many things I have covered up for her regarding her university life and antics. she then starts saying the worst possible things any human being has ever said; wishing i was dead, was raped, had acid thrown in my face, get cheated on repeatedly, become infertile, fail all my unversity exams, become destitute and eventually die alone. whenever she becomes enraged like this it's usually C*** word or wishing i get cheated on, but I've never heard anything this bad and it was the most painful thing to hear, because i know she truly thinks this of me in secret.
i shout at her to get out of my room repeatedly, before my dad starts to shout and threaten us to stop from downstairs. my dad is another story I'll explain after this. after my sister says the worst of what she has to say, i lose my cool and let lose on how she abuses drugs at university, sleeps around and had non-consensual sex, all things I kept well and perfectly hidden from my parents FOR HER. she then finally stops, because she knows the damage is done and I tell my parents EVERYTHING about my life and she can't use anything against me.
my dad then comes up and starts to shout at and threaten the both of us. i move my bed in front of the door and barricade the whole thing. my mum continues to bang on the door and blame me for the entire situation - I stoop as low as ever and shout that it's her and my dad's fault for raising a child and vile and nasty as her, because she's been equally horrible in this way to all of us. i hear my sister destroying my university belongings downstairs and warn my parents that they're just going to have to pay for it out of her allowance. i then go on to warn them that if any of them try to approach me i will call the police - the first time i've ever had to use that threat and hopefully the last.
my sister has had a long history of becoming angry like this, and trashing the house in the process - once she scraped my toothbrush around the toilet bowl, destroyed my playstation, and even threw her whole plate of breakfast at me. i've had to go as far as defending myself from her anger by holding a knife to warn her off. and each time my parents have let her get away with it. like now for example, my mum seems to have forgotten everything my sister has just said and tried to hug me to make me feel better. another is a video my dad has of my sister as 6 year old, screaming at the camera on holiday and hurling insults at my dad, screaming at him to go away before she tips his suitcase out. she is always quick to raise her voice and turn arguments around on the other person, always saying things that seem to put them in the wrong. she's very good at making snide comments, and when i call her out for it, she'll accuse you of starting the whole issue in the first place. she is also disgusting to live with and doesn't clean properly and keep her room in order, and will take and use whatever is there and sees as fair game. my grandad used to joke about her being the younger version of our mentally troubled aunty as a child, but now i truly see the similarities and am genuinely scared to be in a house with her. i've always described being around her as walking on eggshells, because the slightest upset and mr hyde comes out and kick you down.
i don't know what parents could've brought up such a monster, but then i remember that my dad isn't so pretty either.

like my sister, my dad is extremely quick to anger yet hasn't had a bad outburst in a long time. ever since my childhood he has constantly threatened us with embarrassment and physical punishment if we ever did anything wrong. I've become so used to it that i simply laugh it off and ignore it. i remember once he and my sister argued so badly he chased her through the house and she curled up in a ball by the door - i still don't know if he kicked her or the door she was up against. he's never hit us per se, apart from the childhood slap around the head or on the bottom, but the threats such as "laying in a quivering heap" "make you bleed" are still prevalent. Having studied psychology at A-level, i attribute this to my violent outbursts at school till i was 14 - i assumed this behaviour was ok. my dad grew up seeing his own parents physically hurt each other, and his own mother was selfish and had clear favourites, taking his money to go out with and fawn over my youngest aunt. i can also see where my dad gets his aggressive streak and i dread to become the same with my own kids. I'm terrified of it. especially since i used to have a tendency to snap out at people growing up. i do suspect my dad to have some deep underlying psychological issue as a result of his violent childhood, and i question whether this has rubbed of

I blame my poor home life for the way i struggled to keep friends at home, and why i rarely call home or visit home when I'm at university. having a life there where i am accepted and have a close trusting group of friends made me realise how scared i actually am to stay at home. i realise my sister is largely the problem because arguments only really start when she is around. i will bicker with my parents but a quick sorry fixes it. my sister will causes tears and threats to surface. for example, when we were on holiday, she was travelling and when she met up with us the arguments were near enough daily. i dread coming home from university and find myself very depressed when i am - i feel trapped and reluctant to eat. work is the only thing that keeps me sane and i find myself deliberately tiring myself out because i want to stay out of the house.

my closest friends and boyfriend know about these issues, and i've been to stay at theirs for time purely to escape this turmoil, but i can't keep doing this forever. i can't feel safe until my parents admit my sister has a problem and gets her help for it, otherwise i feel i may never come home.

do you guys think my sister has psychological issues? she's a neuroscience and psychology student, and often finds excuses to prove otherwise, but i want someone whose been through similar trauma to tell me what they think
 
vanish

vanish

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Sep 29, 2014
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Woah what a volatile situation your home is! Have you tried family counselling at all? It seems very dysfunctional. I don't know your situation other than what you have put here, but your sister seems to have some sort of issues relating to her anger.
 
M

maliboba

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2017
Messages
2
I've only suggested seeing someone a few times, but my mum works in healthcare and seems too embarrassed, whereas my dad has too much pride and insists nothing is wrong. i really think going to someone would help all of us, because although i tell my parents all the important details of m personal life e.g. arguments and friendships, things like my health and what's going on in my head i feel like i can't talk about to them because of this and they'll just brush it off
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,327
Location
England
Hi,
Sorry your going through this, welcome to the forum. Your sister needs an anger management course.
Try to keep calm and walk away when arguments happen don't use knifes someone could get seriously hurt.
Hope this sorts out for you.
Take care
 
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