Scared and need advice

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Peter07

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
3
#1
Hi all

I wanna thank everyone that responds to this message in advance. I need advice and I have a mildy graphic story, I apologise in advance to anyone if my story and circumstances are not as bad as yours I just want help, insight and understanding.

7 days ago in short summary the person living in the apartment next door was found dead. For about a week i could smell something bad in different ways I tried to pinpoint it but I couldnt, I did think what if that man is dead and i was denial hoping that maybe he was with hes family for christmas or fine. Without greater detail what has been bothering me is the decayed flesh or dark red gelly the forensics team left outside my door which has to be by accident. Im not here to bash on people who do this kind of job if any i have great respect for them. Me and another neighbor had to clean it. Then the sound of them dragging hes body and all that seperated me was the wall behind me including the fact he was found maybe 6-7 meters from where im sitting in hes apartment. He was a drug addict, i saw this coming as a he was lonely old man who I would tolerate listening to for 30mins avg each time he saw me because he was talented at attacking other neighbors and hard to understand from been high.

At first i blocked it out then i read online this is bad so I allowed my mind to see it again and again. Im going through waves of emotions one moment im stuck in limbo with pain which was getting easier to deal with until i came home today after running away to my parents place to escape this then all of sudden im having panic attacks. The fear of been here at home is kind of gone, its of what comes next the counsellor on the phone said im experiencing ptsd. I was really hoping this was not true I want this and whatever i go through next gone asap.

The day after it happened I went into panic mode I realised because of my anxiety. For the last 5yrs i shut out my family and friends and many chances to have a girlfriend/partner in my life. Because of my anxiety so i realised i could die like that old man with no one to find me for weeks or more. So i put aside the issues with my family and went and stayed with them because i realised it was not worth it. However reconnecting with friends I ignored and showed a lack of interest for that has been hard. My best friend is overseas and might not return. So im alone, I dont wanna go into detail on how I plan to change things but hopefully where i go to study in 4 weeks ill make new friends. I had these goals and others before this happened but this experience has really given me a inner fire to push harder and not be weak because of my anxiety. And so far its working running everyday and getting out of the house amongest other things.

Final note my neighbor said he saw them take him out in garbage bags I feel like it might be spite for me refusing to enter the apartment with him and the police. Given he was dead for about 2weeks at most from what police think might of happened. That neighbor later said he was let down I didnt go in with them. Could this be true? Only thing i saw was a strecher the one time i looked out my door.

A few questions I have is whether this really is a form of ptsd and what are my chances of having it not effect me in the future? And has anyone gone through something similar and if so how long did it take them to recover. How long will the smell from the apartment last? What if i never recover, this scares I dont wanna have my life ruined over this?

My minds all over the place i really hope i havent forgotten anything and thanks for the help and advice. I do have a support team thats gonna help my see a psychologist. But Im hoping this is like the wild emotions you go through during a break up until you finally get over it, dont know what else to compare it too.

Kinds regards
Peter
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,758
#2
Hi there Peter, welcome to the forum.

That is a very disturbing experience for you to have gone through and I am really sorry. I have to come off the forum in a moment as I have to go out but am writing this for now and will look in again later on.

I'm in the UK and thinking you are probably elsewhere. The first thing I would say is how you feel at the moment is a very natural reaction to some very awful circumstances. I have family members who work in emergency services and I know my son has been one of the emergency service workers who has found a person passed away in such sad circumstances. It affected him very much for all the reasons you say.

First of all, there is nothing you could have done, the gentleman probably passed in his sleep and would have been passed away no doubt even if you had gone around earlier. Also, there is no responsibility for you to have entered his flat, it is a traumatic situation and no one should expect you to do this.

If you can see a doctor/ get support and maybe a mild sedative to help.

Usually these teams , wherever you are, who clean up are very careful. the gentleman will not have been brought out in garbage bags, it will be a very strong body bag specially made for such a sad situation. Please don't let your other neighbour wind you up about it. He might not be thinking straight either because of the shock.

Get as much support as you can, it will get easier but it is natural for it to play on your mind in the short term as it is not a nice thing to see. Your mind is trying to process the shock. You won't be stuck like that as you are worrying about this I can see, but it is important to talk it through with trained people as soon as you can. that is how you process it. Don't internalise it and just keep it to yourself ok?

I hope that helps a bit, i'm sorry I have to go out now but will look in on you later.
All good wishes and be kind to yourself as much as you can :hug1:
 
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Peter07

New member
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Jan 9, 2019
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3
#3
Thank you for the reply it really means a lot at a time like this and the advice is comforting. For any other readers that doesnt mean im not willing to hear any hard truths about this kind of thing.
 
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Peter07

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Jan 9, 2019
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3
#5
Hey exyz

Thanks for checking in im doing better today but ive also accepted that can change at any moment. Im looking forward to seeing psychologist and working through this time period. Im in australia so my replies will be delayed.
 

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