Scared and don't know where to turn

mami5

mami5

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#1
I'm sorry. I haven't been on here for a while now. Didn't think I belonged.

But I'm so scared and I don't know where to turn for help.

Thing is I'm not that well....quite suicidal to be honest.

Told my cc last Friday that I'd started writing letters so he's arranged an emergency appointment for me with psychiatrist for tomorrow afternoon.

He phoned me today to confirm my appointment and say he'd be there too.

Now I'm scared. I'm still rather suicidal......don't want meds.....have tried so many so far and none work....so what's the point?

So I'm scared I'll end up in hospital.......is this likely? My cc is an approved social worker. What would happen if I just didn't turn up?

I'm so scared.

Please help me.
 
Mayflower7

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#2
Hi Mami5,
I'm sorry your poorly, please turn up if you don't they will come to your house.
It's better to engage with services, see what they have to say.
You do belong here.
I know you've tried lots of things.
Hope you get some help.
Take care
 
mami5

mami5

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#3
Thank you Mayflower :hug:

Thinking about going is making my anxiety worse.

Don't see the point in it as I know there is no real help for me.

I'm so scared as I've never been to psych ward before and don't want to end up there tomorrow.

I'd honestly rather die than go there.

Can they have me admitted if there's only two of them there tomorrow?
 
antimatterTek

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#4
It takes a long time for meds to kick in and even longer to find the right cocktail.

See the people who are concerned about your well being - not everyone has that.

Suicide is not the answer. Even a life of constant pain is better than suicide.

To live is to suffer, to survive - that's to find meaning in the suffering.
 
Mayflower7

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#5
Thank you Mayflower :hug:

Thinking about going is making my anxiety worse.

Don't see the point in it as I know there is no real help for me.

I'm so scared as I've never been to psych ward before and don't want to end up there tomorrow.

I'd honestly rather die than go there.

Can they have me admitted if there's only two of them there tomorrow?
Hi Mami,
It needs to be two Drs who can section, hopefully they will listen to you.
Hope it goes okay if you go.
Sorry your anxiety is bad.
Take care
 
mami5

mami5

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#6
Thank you antimatterTek.

I have tried several meds and therapies.

Have to accept I'm a lost cause.

Have been told many times that I'm 'unique' and don't 'fit in' to their diagnostic or treatment plans.

They simply don't know what to do with me.

I'm scared.
 
Z

ziedite

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#7
I agree with others.. find the strength inside yourself to go to the appointment tomorrow. Breath deep, talk positively to yourself (you don't need to believe it yet, just talk out loud what you need to do)… and see what the doctors say. Write down in advance what you have experienced with meds and therapies and what YOU want to happen now. I.e. you want to have a therapist/psychiatrist that will give you the medication that will help and the talking therapy that will help you become more emotionally healthier. Get angry and be firm if that is the only way to get them to listen. No one is a lost cause... mental issues are sooooo complicated and require such specific knowledge to remedy, it takes a few tries to get there. Please hang in there.
 
Parayana

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#8
It takes a long time for meds to kick in and even longer to find the right cocktail.

See the people who are concerned about your well being - not everyone has that.

Suicide is not the answer. Even a life of constant pain is better than suicide.

To live is to suffer, to survive - that's to find meaning in the suffering.
In Buddhism some people translate the first noble truth as life is suffering, I prefer the saying there is suffering as translation but basically I think the Buddha was saying all life is a trial of endurance.
 
mami5

mami5

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#9
Thank you for all your support and kind words.

I phoned my cc this morning to ask what was likely to happen and told him I was scared and anxious about my appointment.

He managed to reassure me that they have no intention of having me admitted......which put my mind at rest.

Instead it is a meeting to review my meds....yet again as she stopped my antipsychotics over the phone on Friday.

There's also a risk of me getting yet another diagnosis too....to add to the list I already have! I think she will be assessing me for that......according to cc anyway. They are rather concerned about it all as it leaves me at risk of doing serious harm to myself.

Cc also told me he will sit with me in the waiting room so I don't have to wait alone. Hopefully this will ease my anxiety a bit.

My appointment is at 3......wish me luck.
 
claude

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#10
Good luck mami5! I hope it goes well and they give you good support and help. I have read a lot of your posts, you have been through so much, I really hope brighter times are around the corner for you!
 
mami5

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#13
Thank you all :grouphug:

Appointment went ok. Cc had made a list of everything that's happening with me at the moment. Seeing it all written down was quite a shock and as he said anyone would find it hard they had to face that list.

Anyway, I'm now on new meds....to try. Psychiatrist mentioned they wouldn't cause weight gain or make me tired yet they come with a warning not to drive or operate machinery! I'm suppose to take them in the mornings.....how am I suppose to drive?

They come with a huge list of side effects.....including weight gain too.

I'm not so sure I want to take them.
 
Mayflower7

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#14
Thank you all :grouphug:

Appointment went ok. Cc had made a list of everything that's happening with me at the moment. Seeing it all written down was quite a shock and as he said anyone would find it hard they had to face that list.

Anyway, I'm now on new meds....to try. Psychiatrist mentioned they wouldn't cause weight gain or make me tired yet they come with a warning not to drive or operate machinery! I'm suppose to take them in the mornings.....how am I suppose to drive?

They come with a huge list of side effects.....including weight gain too.

I'm not so sure I want to take them.
Hi Mami,
Glad you went to the appointment, sorry about the medication.
My psychiatrist has done this told me one thing then on reading side effects realised.
Not sure why Drs do this.
Is the warning this medication may make you sleepy if this happens do not drive?
if your not drowsy I assume your okay to drive, check with your pharmacist or dr.
Maybe you could try the tablets, not everyone gets side effects.
Here to listen.
Take care
 
Mayflower7

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#16
For some people it has worked wonders, what dose have they started you on?
Did you get a new diagnosis?
Take care
 
mami5

mami5

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#17
She's started me on a very low dose of 2.5 which will increase to 5mg after 2 weeks. She said they can increase it again if necessary.

I don't think I got a new diagnosis.....she said it was part of my BPD. Everything is down to BPD. At least now it is noted in my records anyway because in the past the psychologist used to tell me off for my behaviour. I had no control over it then and I have no control over it now!

Not sure if it's actually listed as a trait of BPD though :unsure:
 
J

justanote

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#18
Praying for you!

I'm so sorry that you are in such a bad place right now. I have had times when I feel so down that I don't want to talk with anyone. I'm really glad that you have reached out for help! I am praying that your appointment will be productive so that you can get past this dark time and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
 
mami5

mami5

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#19
Haven't started the meds.

Cc phoned this afternoon.....told him I hadn't taken them.

We talked....I cried.

Cried again tonight.
 
J

justanote

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#20
How are you?

How are you doing this week? I hope that your visit with the doctor helped you feel like you are on the road to healing.
 

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