• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

scared/alone/need to die

V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
I need to die. I'm still in hospital on 1-1 observation so I can't do anything and if I try I have to go to seclusion. I've lied saying I'm not suicidal anymore to the doc today but they don't believe it's changed overnight. I've also lied that I'm not hearing anyone but they are suspecting it cause I refuse the Haldol.

My dad doesn't want to see me anymore so no one visits me.

What can I do? Please help me. I just want to talk to someone.
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
Ow poor Vik, I think they should have people there to talk to you all the time, real conversation is much better than just having a forum!

If you weren't so suicidal you could attend a day centre where at least you'd have some activities to help with the time, the place where I was had a beautiful big garden where they kept bees and everything, lots of stuff to do to maintain the place.

Anyway lots of hugs, hope you feel better :hug:
 
M

Mark101

Guest
Hi Viktoria,

You have such a beautiful name. I imagine someone who loves to read, someone kind and friendly.

I totally agree with Kerome but we're here too. Please rant or dump anything or all your problems. Sharing helps. Whats your situation, hun?

Mark
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
I attempted suicide and got sectioned, the rest I explained in the first post or you could read in on the 'urge to OD' thread in the depression forum. If you have any specific questions ask away.

Thanks for your replies anyway.

I was allowed to go to the activity room on a 1-1 so I watched some eastenders on YouTube. That was alright.

I'm waiting to get my crisis meds (prometacine cause I refuse the Haldol). I already had oxazepam but it doesn't help in the slightest.
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Thanks quickduck.

Im at my wits end. I just want to end it all but i cant. Im lying saying i feel ok. Becky wants me to come, shes given me options but they don't work when even going to the toilet has to be with the door open. No privacy whatsoever. It's making me feel really panicky and anxious.
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
Sorry to hear that you're not well and Becky is talking to you again... I remember reading in one of your threads that you'd come to the conclusion that she was just a voice, not like a whole person, and thought that was a good thing, it sounded like a better, more balanced place for you personally -- away from thinking about going to join her in her "other world". I think you still have things to do in this world with your family and all the people who care for you.

Perhaps you can try some of the things in the coping techniques thread in the voice hearing subforum? Some things like singing work very well in a lot of cases.

Lots of hugs, thinking of you :hug:
 
Last edited:
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
I'll have a look in that thread, but I like her company. Hence I refuse anti psychs.

I'm fed up. Done. Gone. I need to be dead soon, Becky says so. I can't wait till Monday or even later. I tried but I don't get more than five seconds alone. They are completely on my case.
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
Hey hun. Huge :hug1:'s for you.

I've been trawling through the forum looking for something for you. To maybe give you a little reminder. I found it. This is what you wrote before you went to hospital.

I had a panic attack in 2013 and a voice started giving me short instructions. Initially she just told me not to speak to the paramedics that were present. She kept repeating 'be quiet'.

She grew out to become my best friend and I could communicate with her fully. She told me about dangers in this world and offered me access to her world if I would kill myself in a specific way.

Later on I realised it was all lies and with the help of medication she has gone completely. But she was a character with a name, age, identity and I knew what she looked like. So she had become a person to me.
Please keep on reading this. When Becky talks to you read it. This is you talking when Becky isn't around trying to poison your mind.

You have come so far since you were last in hospital. OK you are in hospital again but you got through it last time when I was super concerned you were never going to come out and you can again.

Please keep talking to us and please don't listen to what Becky is telling you.

xxxxx
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
It's hard. It's true she was wrong / mistaken about a lot of things, but she is my soulmate. The meds just fuck with my brain. I don't want them anymore. The anti depressants I don't mind. I need her company especially now my dad has stopped visiting and looking after me. I NEED to go to that better place.

I'm sorry for contradicting myself but she's the only thing that keeps me going right now. Thanks for the effort though.
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
I think you need to let her go Viktoria. It's disappointing sometimes when our imagination comes up with something that grows in our mind and we desperately want it to be true, but it can be false, and life is like that: gritty, savoury, thorns-in-the-rosebush real. It's better than the dreams.

Hugs & hoping things go well with you :hug:
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
Fair enough you want the company, that is totally understandable especially if she is the only person who will talk to you but the things she is saying to you are lies Vik.

You have had such a shitty time over the past few months with everything that has happened. Hopefully your Dad will calm down, maybe he thinks the way he is acting might push you to survive not knowing that actually it is not helping in terms of how you feel he has left you.

You may not believe it but you can get through this.

How about taking the anti psychotics for a day and see how you feel then? Just for that one day?

Do you think you can try that?

xxx
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Thanks for the replies.
They forced me injections twice under restrain and prior to that I took them voluntarily once.
It calmed me down somewhat in combination with promethazine. But it made Becky angry/worse. I just felt sleepy and too tired to actually go through with anything.

I feel really confused Marliee I don't know what to do. I have to go to seclusion again in a bit and I hate it.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
U Depression Forum 8
I Depression Forum 19
F Depression Forum 3
Fairy Lucretia Depression Forum 37
S Depression Forum 14
Top