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scared about my OCD intrusive thoughts consisting of my boyfriend

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rosebx3

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Joined
Sep 27, 2021
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3
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scotland
i’m new to this forum and actually quite scared to post this in fear of judgement. I have suffered with extremely horrible intrusive thoughts due to ocd for nearly a year now, from time to time my intrusive thoughts only consisted of me hurting or s/a others and although they were really traumatic to deal with i don’t think i’ve ever experienced something quite as horrible as the one i had recently.

i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he’s one of the kindest, sweetest and most smartest people i’ve ever met, but recently i had an intrusive thoughts about him sexually assaulting or raping me which had came out of nowhere, this had sent me into a horrible panic attack and i had harmed myself due to it. I feel like this intrusive thought has basically ruined all the trust i had for my boyfriend and made me scared of him, and that’s caused me to go further and further into a state of depression.

i’m wondering if this intrusive thought is normal or expected with ocd because i only really ever hear of intrusive thoughts consisting of the person hurting others (which i mainly only experienced till this recent one) and i’m also wondering if there’s anyway to build the trust i had for him back because i truly feel hopeless in this situation.
 
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BlueWater

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
891
Location
Earth
i’m new to this forum and actually quite scared to post this in fear of judgement. I have suffered with extremely horrible intrusive thoughts due to ocd for nearly a year now, from time to time my intrusive thoughts only consisted of me hurting or s/a others and although they were really traumatic to deal with i don’t think i’ve ever experienced something quite as horrible as the one i had recently.

i’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he’s one of the kindest, sweetest and most smartest people i’ve ever met, but recently i had an intrusive thoughts about him sexually assaulting or raping me which had came out of nowhere, this had sent me into a horrible panic attack and i had harmed myself due to it. I feel like this intrusive thought has basically ruined all the trust i had for my boyfriend and made me scared of him, and that’s caused me to go further and further into a state of depression.

i’m wondering if this intrusive thought is normal or expected with ocd because i only really ever hear of intrusive thoughts consisting of the person hurting others (which i mainly only experienced till this recent one) and i’m also wondering if there’s anyway to build the trust i had for him back because i truly feel hopeless in this situation.
Well, I'm not a therapist but as someone with OCD I think what you're experiencing is normal for OCD. I have a fear of being emotionally hurt and betrayed by others. These fears are rooted in childhood traumas. Where do you think your fear of being hurt by him is coming from?
 
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rosebx3

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2021
Messages
3
Location
scotland
Well, I'm not a therapist but as someone with OCD I think what you're experiencing is normal for OCD. I have a fear of being emotionally hurt and betrayed by others. These fears are rooted in childhood traumas. Where do you think your fear of being hurt by him is coming from?
i’m genuinely not quite sure, i had always felt safe with him but during my childhood i was emotionally abused by my mother, even going so far as to get physical. i’m not too sure if this is what’s caused it but i have an intense fear of being hurt or being seen as weak and vulnerable, however i never felt like that around my boyfriend i always felt safe and loved so i’m just a bit shaken up by this intrusive thought because it’s the complete opposite of how he actually is. I know he would never hurt me or anyone else but this has now caused me to have an underlying fear that he might.
 
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BlueWater

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Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
891
Location
Earth
i’m genuinely not quite sure, i had always felt safe with him but during my childhood i was emotionally abused by my mother, even going so far as to get physical. i’m not too sure if this is what’s caused it but i have an intense fear of being hurt or being seen as weak and vulnerable, however i never felt like that around my boyfriend i always felt safe and loved so i’m just a bit shaken up by this intrusive thought because it’s the complete opposite of how he actually is. I know he would never hurt me or anyone else but this has now caused me to have an underlying fear that he might.
Remember, it's still just a thought
 
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