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scared about a new compulsion

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guyfromuk

Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Messages
13
ive been having violent/sexual intrusive thoughts, and i've been getting steadily better, but something happened today, and i don't know what to make of it.

I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS PART OF THE PURE O/OCD I THINK I HAVE

When i get a thought in my head of doing something, as a coping mechanism, i quietly say to myself sarcastically something like 'yea, i so want to do that; that would be great, etc.' what happened today, there are knives in my kitchen, and the thoughts were going, 'go on, just pick one up', which the thought has been for a while, but i thought today that if i did, maybe it would go away, so i picked up the knife and said 'there you go then'. I didn't have a thought at the time to do anything to either myself or anyone, and when holding the knife, a violent thought popped into my head, and i quickly put it down.

now im ashamed of myself for even picking up the knife when i had no reason to, i gave into an urge, this is my new worry, why did i have to do it?
 
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emo_grl

Guest
hey there guyfromuk, just wondered if you've spoke to anyone about this like a doctor? and well done for quickly putting the knife down. that's the part that impressed me, you had the urge to pick up the knife and did but no damage was done as you quickly got a grip of yourself right? sorry i have no specific advice for you but i'm sure others will soon.

take care,
emo
:)
 
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guyfromuk

Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Messages
13
yea. i have absolutely no intent to do anything, nor do i. Its the pure o telling me i do. i only did it because an urge to pick it up, as a harmless thing, like 'its a knife, you use them all the time'. so i picked it up to stop the urge to pick it up.
 
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emo_grl

Guest
i get that. i'm the same when something gets stuck in my head, i just have to do it over and over til it goes away.
 
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dysfunctional

Member
Joined
May 12, 2012
Messages
19
Location
Doncaster
I get very similar compulsions as part of my ocd and my mood disorder,adds anger to the mix. I was obsessed killing my wife for a while and nearly got sectioned but talking about it helps as honesty shows you are tackling the issue. Luckily my wife was very understanding but it was a difficult time for us both. I still sometimes feel bored by conversations and feel like taking an axe to people but its pretty normal I think. I agree that putting the knife down is an important step and shows you have the control.
 
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