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Saying hello! And a little about myself

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Redsenma

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Canada
Trigger warning; suicide, depression mention, vomit.

Hi everyone, I’m redsenma, and you can call me red, senma, or whatever you want. I’m an unemployed, young adult, who lives in their grandparents home. My life is very messy, but I have struggled with mental health since I was very, very young. I have also had a myriad of traumatic things happened that have shaped who I am today.

I suffer from chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and CTPSD. I also have anger issues and have struggled with mild self harm in the past. When I was 17, I attempted suicide. It was my only attempt. Obviously I survived. I did not take a lethal dose. Whether that is because I didn’t swallow enough pills, or because my family induced vomiting for over an hour; I cannot say. However, I am glad I did not succeed.

As I am still quite young and at that age where people often still live at home and are at a crossroads in their life. I have come to this forum for help, and perhaps to offer support when I have recovered somewhat.

Mainly what I came here for, was a judgment free zone where I can ask questions and advice for various things. Most of them are fairly mundane, but I don’t have many life skills. I was sheltered while growing up, and my grandmother tells me she did this because she felt pity for my situation. I did not learn how to cook, clean and such. And those are all things I had to learn. I also come from a very abusive family, and have a troubled home life. I struggle with self care, and will neglect food, hygiene, and will not move from bed, on the worse days.

That being said, I have met some amazing people I can call friends, and even a wonderful girlfriend. But.. I am still unable to overcome some hurdles. And that has left me with a deep amount of shame, and as my home situation worsens, I feel even more lost and depressed. I’m sinking back into that state.

I want to cut this introduction short though, and I’ll post my questions when I get the courage to do so. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to meeting and interacting with you all.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
Hello and welcome to the forum. I am very sorry to hear of all that has happened to you. It is so nice to hear you have good friends and a girlfriend.
 
R

Redsenma

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Canada
Thank you! Yes, I treasure them greatly, and they have helped me out of tough spots both physically, and emotionally. I want to be better for them and myself though, and participate in the things that they do.
 
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SilverLiningGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Ontario
Welcome Red,

I am sorry that life has been so unkind to you, from what I can understand you are a very loving and self aware person, which is something of a miracle to retain when a person has been treated badly.
The good news is that there are people here that care about you and you do not have to stay with your family for your whole life, you will grow and learn and become the person you want to be, with a chosen family that cares about you and wants you to succeed.

I know how it feels to not want to take care of yourself, and I think that if you treat that as a way to progress away from your current situation you may start to feel a little better. You cannot change the things that have happened, but if you start to love yourself first and take care of the little things, a small seed of hope blossoms because even saying "I took a shower today, which I did for me an no one else" can be a step towards a better future.

I also grew up in a hard home situation and can tell you that it's very hard when people don't realize how much you're suffering, and the people around you are too sick themselves to help you.

I would also suggest seeing a GP to perhaps get some meds started to help stabilize you.

From what I see, you need a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings about what is happening to you and this community is here for you. Feel free to PM me at any time.
 
R

Redsenma

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Canada
Welcome Red,

I am sorry that life has been so unkind to you, from what I can understand you are a very loving and self aware person, which is something of a miracle to retain when a person has been treated badly.
The good news is that there are people here that care about you and you do not have to stay with your family for your whole life, you will grow and learn and become the person you want to be, with a chosen family that cares about you and wants you to succeed.

I know how it feels to not want to take care of yourself, and I think that if you treat that as a way to progress away from your current situation you may start to feel a little better. You cannot change the things that have happened, but if you start to love yourself first and take care of the little things, a small seed of hope blossoms because even saying "I took a shower today, which I did for me an no one else" can be a step towards a better future.

I also grew up in a hard home situation and can tell you that it's very hard when people don't realize how much you're suffering, and the people around you are too sick themselves to help you.

I would also suggest seeing a GP to perhaps get some meds started to help stabilize you.

From what I see, you need a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings about what is happening to you and this community is here for you. Feel free to PM me at any time.
Thank you so much. I have great friends, but I am incredibly isolated from them ATM. Due to extenuating circumstances, and also my other close friends are alone. I have no job and live at home, so it’s definitely difficult to have any drive to do anything. Part of the reason I haven’t gotten meds again is because of my attempt back in 2017, and also because I don’t think they’ll work, my situation still sucks so.

I appreciate the support and I may take you up on pm’ing if you don’t mind at some point. As I mentioned in post, I mostly Just have insecurities/ concerns about mundane things. Stuff like self care or how to get energy to cook for myself etc.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,541
Location
Sweden
Hi Red and welcome to the forum :welcome:

You have gone through a lot in life and it’s nice you have managed to find people you trust. There are many nice people on the forum and can give you tips and support. But it can be good getting professional help, so you can get even more support.

I know the feeling of not wanting to take care of yourself. I often take one day at a time and try to keep to my routines which can be a true struggle some days.

But I hope you will enjoy it here.
 
S

SilverLiningGirl

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Ontario
Thank you so much. I have great friends, but I am incredibly isolated from them ATM. Due to extenuating circumstances, and also my other close friends are alone. I have no job and live at home, so it’s definitely difficult to have any drive to do anything. Part of the reason I haven’t gotten meds again is because of my attempt back in 2017, and also because I don’t think they’ll work, my situation still sucks so.

I appreciate the support and I may take you up on pm’ing if you don’t mind at some point. As I mentioned in post, I mostly Just have insecurities/ concerns about mundane things. Stuff like self care or how to get energy to cook for myself etc.
I completely understand, and it is really unfortunate that you feel so isolated right now. I am happy to hear about the mundane, it's the little things we don't think anyone cares about that can sometimes be the heaviest.

As far as medications, they are tricky and do sometimes take awhile to have effects that are positive (I know I was on a medication that I had to stay with for over 8 weeks before I was even close to a therapeutic dose).

You can always reach out to me, your life is important.
 
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