Sane Forum difficulties

S

sallybee

Guest
#61
Hi

What I did find upsetting was the reaction to one Newbie a few weeks ago, he has significant needs, and does find communication really difficult, he posted a few times, on his 3rd post he responded to another newbie in a way that she would have found really upsetting so I went on to his post and explained that whilst he probably didn't mean to be unkind that was the way his post came across. He was beside himself and explained what he had been trying to say, so I helped him to rephrase it so everyone was happy!

This guy was really anxious about posting on a different page, but gave it a go, if what he put was inappropriate either I or a couple of others who twigged what was going on, helped him to edit his post so it was acceptable. Then one evening he responded to a post, and he was a bit graphic bless him, not nasty towards anyone but someone reported him. He was immediately given the 5 day punishment and has never had the confidence to post again. Fortunately he managed to access the PM service here and he and I shared private email details.

He has become a really valued friend to me, he is supportive, kind and thoughtful. As he has become more confident many of the challenges relating to communication are just going away, he knows that he is respected and loved for him and doesn't have to try to be clever, funny, manly or anything else apart from just him ( he is all of those things when he relaxes).

What really gets me is that he would have really benefited from the support of Sane members, and they from him. But no thought was given to the impact of his 'punishment', which in comparison to some of the posts allowed by the 'favourites' was completely harmless.

The moderation at Sane is not consistent, is not transparent, and at times is potentially not only discriminatory but I would go as far as saying for some very vulnerable users downright dangerous!

The forum has the potential to be so valuable for people who perhaps, as I do, feel quite intimidated by the larger forums like this, but these are the self same people who are 'punished' by the mods. The bullies who have been causing problems for years, and upsetting lots of people in their attention seeking attempts, are just left to continue to undermine and be publicly unkind to people, and no efforts to 'self moderate' by other members will ever have an impact because the mods stop this self moderation.

Just soooooooo sad!
 
judithj

judithj

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 9, 2013
Messages
80
#62
I'm glad you have made a friend on Sane: the need to take responsibility for the effect on others of what is posted means that public forums are not for everyone, especially where there are those who like to cause division and ill feeling or who want to establish a power-base. I agree about the moderation at Sane, unfortunately it's difficult to do much about it.
I've just checked and noticed that you're still a member. It does make it difficult not having moderation over the weekend, especially as it takes 5 days for membership to be ended.
 
Last edited:
S

sallybee

Guest
#63
Judith,

I am very fortunate in having made several friends via Sane. And yes, I am still a member but not through choice.

Sadly, because of the ridiculous situation there and the need of some forum members to report little indiscretions to the Mods (why members find it necessary to inform the mods that other members have suggested to others that this MHF allows PM's is completely beyond me, particularly as this causes potential isolation of these new members)

I am also at a loss to understand why these same people are reporting mentions of MHF when they have no problem with other support organisations being named; or for that matter why the mods will not allow mention of MHF but will other sites!

As for the power wars, I actually didn't see much of this, but there was a very clear divide, those who had been active members for a long while and newbies. Most of the time there was little integration, but every so often, the 'oldies' would launch into an ongoing thread and try to completely change the emphasis / meaning. One or two members almost seemed to have a need to exert their power, to teach us our 'place'!

It was sad to read posts from newbies saying that they felt unwelcome. Fortunately we managed to direct them here and it's really good to see them here!

Anyway, whilst I struggle here, and preferred the more intimate feel of Sane, I have no doubt that I am safer here.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
30,266
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
#66
im concerned that the difficulties on sane are being brought over to this forum.
I don't think its very fair on the members here to read about bullying and mistrust on another forum.
I have decided to stay on sane and post on here too.
I like the fact that there are some light hearted threads that I can use late at night if I can't sleep.
one point though is ,im not actually an 'original 'member of sane,i didn't join until 2010 and the forum had been going long before then.
I post so much on there because there are few rooms and I find it easy to use.
this place is a bit more complicated but im getting the hang of it
x
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
41,127
Location
Lancashire
#68
People coming on here from Sane are welcome, as I said before. But, you have to start afresh here and stop bringing all the baggage from there onto here. Please stop all the arguing and just go on our site and see how much support you can get and/or give to others. I am getting a little fed up with all the in fighting!

Remember, we do have rules and we have given you some latitude. Some who have come here are already contributing, so why don't the rest of you. We have a lot of people who need help and support, try looking around at the site. It may be larger than you are used to, so do what I did when I first came here, stick to one area at first and start there.

We are monitoring all that is going on, so please stop and think before you post anything you might regret later. We may be more open in our moderating style, but we will moderate and strongly if things get out of hand in here - just a friendly warning.
 
F

firemonkee57

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
8,207
#70
People coming on here from Sane are welcome, as I said before. But, you have to start afresh here and stop bringing all the baggage from there onto here. Please stop all the arguing and just go on our site and see how much support you can get and/or give to others. I am getting a little fed up with all the in fighting!
Point taken but some of us never wanted to be hounded from forum to forum especially as we have been subjected to that experience in the past and caused much distress.
I pointed people at Sane to here as a potentially good alternative/auxiliary forum to Sane based on my own experiences . I think i did the right thing.
I know that good people have come over from there and are hopefully beginning to find their feet and add to the support base.
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
32,601
Location
8,539
#72
Note:


Let's face it, few people read rules and regulations on internet sites!... so just a refresher, so please read this:

Please be aware of our guidelines...


Linky


5.) Naming of individuals. We have to protect the Forum against accusations of libel. While it is perfectly acceptable to say that you had a terrible experience with a GP/psychiatrist/CPN etc. (as all too many of us have) we cannot allow the individuals to be named on this forum. We will also try to remove names and email addresses that can identify you for your own protection, unless you specifically ask us not to do so prior to posting. When writing about other people (friends, relatives, etc.), please do not use their real names.
We cannot infract/warn someone based on anything other than breaking the forum guidelines of this forum.

Whilst obviously trading online names so you know who you are in here is obviously ok, discussing issues about other posters from other places on the main boards can breach the above rule, and also could be seen as flaming other members (and is no different ruling to any member in here)... see rule 3


3.) Flaming. While arguing perspectives is healthy, personal insults, attacks and innuendo aimed at other members of the forum are not acceptable. This includes private messages. We may also edit sexist, racist, or otherwise offensive terms.
If anyone does think someone has broken the forum guidelines, then do report the relevant PM, post or thread to us and we'll look into it.

-

This is also a useful link about how to stay safe online...

Linky

:)
 
Last edited:
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
11,416
Location
The World
#73
I just want to say a big welcome to everyone who has moved over from the Sane forum, or whom are maintaining dual membership of the two forums.

I have changed the title of this thread so that it represents what is actually being discussed.

If you have any suggestions as to how we can improve our forum please let us know in the suggestions and feedback section.

Thanks
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
32,601
Location
8,539
#74
Hi Lucretia, you've posted lots of things that I can answer :)

im concerned that the difficulties on sane are being brought over to this forum.
I don't think its very fair on the members here to read about bullying and mistrust on another forum.

I have decided to stay on sane and post on here too.
Don't worry about. When this section was created (sorry Spain - who lost their section!) - I posted our rules and guidelines, and they are in a stuck thread at the top of this section. They apply to every single member in here, regardless of anything.

I like the fact that there are some light hearted threads that I can use late at night if I can't sleep.
The chillout section is designed for just that :) Some people don't like the A-Z type threads, or name this and that. But they can be good time killers or escapism threads :)

I post so much on there because there are few rooms and I find it easy to use.
this place is a bit more complicated but im getting the hang of it
x
When we redesigned the forum main page, we made everything 'collapsable' [sp]. If you open the main forum page you can collapse all the sections that don't interest you (including the side bar). Look in the top right of the yellow bars for the collapse icon. This saves on your computer and you won't see them again until you 'uncollapse' them.

When we first introduced the sidebar lots of people didn't like it so that was the reason for the the collapse button.

Thinking about it now, I can't imagine not having it!

Hope you find yourself at home here as you are in the Sane forum.

m:)
 
F

findingmyownway

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,595
#75
Lucretia, hello, glad to see you here. i like this Forum . it seems that here there is some freedom of speech. It seems to have something for everyone, plenty to read and plenty of users.

That's life but here there is so much going on people can always avoid each other until they cool down. This seems to be a pretty good place and hopefully we will all make more friends.
I think this is a good point. If it seems like a massive forum to you guys, you only have to read the bits that interest you. I've been using this place for getting on three years, and there are probably sections I've never even looked at (yes too many sections admin!:)). Make use of the 'subscribed posts' at the top, that will help you. Also things like new posts and unanswered posts. You will get used to it all soon.

I'm glad you have made a friend on Sane: the need to take responsibility for the effect on others of what is posted means that public forums are not for everyone,
You don't need to take responsibility for the effects of your posts on others - the world just can't work like that, it's not possible. If someone deliberately tries to cause harm to someone over the internet, that of course is an exception, but generally speaking, all people need to do is show care and consideration for others - and that's the most you can do. Asking people with mental health problems (or anyone) to take full responsibility for the effects of their posts on others is an bizarre, stupid and cruel thing to do. I have talked about my own views on responsibility before: I'm (we) are not responsible for other. We are responsible for how we express an opinion, that is important. But other people (not me) are responsible for how they interpret and use information on the internet.. We all have responsibilities of care and consideration, but even if you were to call me a 'complete tosser' and I were to go and kill myself as a result - that would not be your responsibility or fault in any way, that would be my own responsibility for reacting in a disproportionate way to information I choose to read on the internet.
 
judithj

judithj

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 9, 2013
Messages
80
#76
Regarding taking resposibility for your posts and how they affect others: expectations around this do depend on the guidelines and aims of the forum on which you are posting. Some forums expect members to take more responsibility than others, and so it's important that what is said on here should not be quoted or used on different forums, for example.
 
F

findingmyownway

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2013
Messages
1,595
#77
Regarding taking resposibility for your posts and how they affect others: expectations around this do depend on the guidelines and aims of the forum on which you are posting. Some forums expect members to take more responsibility than others, and so it's important that what is said on here should not be quoted or used on different forums, for example.
As far as I see it, it's nothing to do with the forum. MHF could write a rule saying I'm completely responsible for the effects my posts have on others - but I would still disagree with this and not accept this, nor would it change my posting in any way as I always try to post with care and consideration anyway. Rules and guidelines can tell you how to act and behave, but not how to think and feel. I'd happily quote what I've said on here on any other forum, if I were a member of any other forums; they're just my own feelings on responsibility. The idea of a poster being a 100% responsible for the 'effects' that their posts have on others (who choose to use / misinterpret and act disproportionately to online information) I think is wrong and should be challenged where possible. :)
 
Last edited:
judithj

judithj

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 9, 2013
Messages
80
#78
however, if a forum makes rules and you don't follow them, the forum can then decide to terminate your membership. i don't want to argue about this: as i say, different forums have different rules and that can mean that if you quote something from this forum on another forum, you may be in breach of one set of rules. sometimes it's important to have rules like that to prevent flaming, trolling or bullying.
 
|||ME|||

|||ME|||

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 1, 2012
Messages
2,151
#79
In my mind (whether I understand them correctly or not), the rules here are this:

No direct flaming/abuse/threats
No actual descriptions of self harm or methods
No links to commercial websites

I think anyone who stuck to that wouldn't have any problems here.

Beyond that, it's the internet, it's an open forum. You can post what you like but the mods reserve the right to moderate the more widely accepted as offensive and inflammatory posts. It is private property within the internet after all.
 
judithj

judithj

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 9, 2013
Messages
80
#80
But as I'm trying to point out, I'm not talking about quoting from another forum on here, but the reverse, which may not be permitted by the other forum. Nothing to do with MHF rules. Now whatever you agree or disagree with isn't the point. I'm not interested in argument for the sake of it: I've had too many Sunday lunches ruined by people who do and I don't want to engage in it. I've pointed out the situation: your agreement or disagreement with it isn't the issue.