Same old stupid advice

[Drowell]

So sick of the same advice to go and see a GP. They have no desire to work with someone who has a PD. You can see it on thier face when they tell you how messed up you are. There isn't any pill for that so let's not waste each others time. My family picks at me relentlessly, always assuring me I can do nothing right. My best efforts are the half assed attempts of a man with PD.
So, really why bother? I came here originally begging you people for help anything to help me in some way act like a better person. I got just
more of what I expected which was nothing. Go see a GP, why? Is there some treatment for PD which they haven't mentioned anywhere on the Internet? Some jerk off in here asked if my wife had a break after all being married to a person with PD she deserves one. To answer that jerk off about six months ago her lover told me about there affair than I found her adult friend finder account, than I found out about some Australian jerk off named Anthony yeah I think she's had her break. Me, I'm dying I no longer see myself as a sexually viable person. I look at my penis and only feel disappointment. The only reason I still try to have sex is as a hope my wife might find me pleasurable but she doesn't. The whole expierience only reinnforces my emptyness. I am so alone all I have is the love of my son whom I am probably ruining and my mother whom my pain tortures. My wife says she loves me, hates me, loathes me, I don't know what to believe from her. The fifty times a day she tells me I'm a useless waste of time who only has the honor of her company because I was fortunate enough to trick her into having children, and I ought to consider myself lucky because if we didn't have them she'd be gone. Or should I believe she only says that because she is in love with something truely horrible? Well I have ranted enough I would love to hear from you if you have something constuctive to ad (not you really need a GP) if that's your advice save it I've already heard and thanks if you can offer some advice to make me learn apathy, caring, something that leaves me feeling less empty please share

 

[honestjohn]

I've been through the pd thing with doctors,hospitals,councillors, and at the end of the day whatever treatment you may or may not be recieving its still you that stands alone.

Your wife is really lucky that you could forgive her unfaithfullness?because if i was you and wouldn't be with her now.

I lost my wife to my mental health?so she says?but to be honest with you i'am glad because the marriage vows she made on her wedding day flew out of the window like she did.I'am not dwelling i'am moving on.

Good luck and remember its down to you to move forward?find the strengh,fight,determination and find a woman who deserves you because the one you have now doesn't.

 

[Ainsworth]

sounds like your wife is pushing the hate she may have for herself on to you, shes the one who screwed up and needs to take responsibility for her own actions. its very easy to blame the other person and people with PD will accept that blame very easily.....you need to try and look at it differently, only accept what you have done, not others guilt-failing-hurt, that belongs to her/them.

i was one of the ones who answered you last time, though i dont remember exactly what i put and i dont remember seeing someone saying about a break for your wife (unless that was said in PM) i will re-read the thread....

we are not doctors and quite afew of us do have PD and are battling the same, if you think 'us on here' have all the answers for you then you are mistaken big time. we struggle everyday the same as you and get the same story from family, doctors and p-docs (if your lucky enough to get one) ive been left by the doctors and only the CPN (who im not allowed to see again) knew and understood me, i actually thought i was getting somewhere this time but nope! nada, nothing.

its very easy for PDs to direct anger at people who dont deserve it and the posters on here who told you to see a doctor DO NOT deserve your anger. think about it eh

 

[Ainsworth]

just re-read the thread, i see good advice from everyone on there.

just because you dont like what was said doesnt amount to 'nothing'

everyone that answered you are ill themselves but they took the time to try and give advice.

 

[Karzael]

Hey Drowell. You want different advice? Try this.

F%¤& Em. F%¤& your wife, F%¤& that Aussie, F%¤& GPs, F%¤& anyone who you want. Cold hard fact is that at the moment, nothings working. Do something else. Use that anger you hold so close, use it to change things for you and anyone in the same situation. Write a book on it, protest on it whatever.

I dont know jack about what your going through, nor do I know about PD, or what has happened on that other thread. Sounds to me its your attitude to life that needs changing. Your girl couldnt deal with it, your GP couldnt, you do on a daily basis. Whichever way you look at it, that makes you hardcore.

Evolve, endure and endeavor.

You are not dead yet.

 

[greebobeebo]

You asked for peoples advice you got it. Just because you are angry at your life doesn't mean you should blame other innocent parties. I have read your other post and yes someone did mention that as your wife would be your carer if you had PD then she is entitled to some time off. If you only give part of the story no one has a full view of your problem.

How about going back to a counsellor and seeing it through. They are there for you, they don't tell you what to do, that's a psychiatrists job. They give you coping strategies, they expand on any ideas you come up with. I see a counsellor every week. I haven't got PD, but I have issues with alcohol and depression and an OH who suffers from depression. I do all I can to get back my sanity for my boys and myself.

Instead of ranting, sort yourself out. Nobody can do it for you. Have you ever actually had a proper diagnosis for your PD, cos until you do you ain't gonna get the help you clearly need.

 

[Apotheosis]

So sick of the same advice to go and see a GP.

TBH - the stock responses sicken me too. What do you do when the problem is the system itself? These issues are not confined to PD. What do you do with a schizophrenia diagnosis & the prescriptive 'treatment' is mind altering meds that fuck you up whether you like it or not? & fuck all else.

 

[iffybob]

Umm........?

Instead of ranting, sort yourself out. Nobody can do it for you. Have you ever actually had a proper diagnosis for your PD, cos until you do you ain't gonna get the help you clearly need.

I think you dont understand at least some PDs, we cant sort ourselves out , that is part of the problem, why we make bad choices and dont see them, even when it has all gone t!ts up .... progressing forward is a vertical climb on ice, it is a struggle to move up, and then we slip back..... with out the right support and help, that is the way it is , and that is not even touching on the cycles of anxioty, manic, depresssion, parnioya etc... the frustration that you cant understand or even recognis you situation even with hind sight, you wake evey time and the consideration is not what are my plans for today, i is what am I capable of today, and then attempt to carry them out with out triggering or tripping up.......

....... depression for some of us is a releaf considering what other extreams we have....

And I do have PDs diagnosis .......

..... boB ...... ( Mutley ) ....

 

[greebobeebo]

You are right I have no Idea about PD's.

I am sorry that I came across as an ignorant person.

I have been having a bad week so I was angry at most things and people. My week has been that bad that I had an argument with a woman about my dog which is not normally me at all.

I think I will just stick to standard responses to those threads I know nothing about.

I shall wallow quietly in a corner if I have a shit week again, possibly post about me but not upset anyone else.

I apologise again.

 

[iffybob]

No worries

Dont worry about being wrong,

I was just pointing out some things that you may not have considered,

I had a bad night my thoughts are pritty blunt, sorry if I upset you, it was not my intension.

Have you or thought about doing a journal, there you can write what you want .....

Take care and I hope you have a better week ..... boB ....

 

[sherrie1984]

whatever.......

I am the lovely wife of the poor sap who wrote this. You see, this is his problem. He never wants to face the truth of what he is. He loves to tell you all about the horrible things that I did to him with failure to mention his own laundry list. I married him when I was 17 and he was 31. When I said he "tricked me", I meant he tricked me by making me believe he was a good person. He was always one person while I was a around and someone completely different when he was away. He is VERY controlling. You know, I haven't left the house to go anywhere by myself more than a few times (besides work) in the five years since I had my first son. Just as he likes it. Did he mention that his whole life for entire length of our marriage was to literally stalk me (such as spying through windows at my job, examing everything about me) well before I did actually cheat on him. Did he mention that I cheated on him after him cheating on me numerous times. Did he mention his crazy sex/internet pron addiction. He would literally spend hours if he could. The only reason he (supposedly but I know he is lying) doesn't now is because he knows I wont't put up with his SHIT anymore because I am not the dumb 16 year old that he met and fooled. I am now a 25 year old womna who can fully see the situation. Did he mention that if I don't have mind blowind sex EVERY night of the week, I have to have a counseling session with him about it the next morning. Seriously. I consider myself to have a high sex drive and five nights a week would be fine even six. But he doesn't really make it appealing when he is mad at me if we don't have porno sex EVERY night where I scream and cum multiple times. All of the pressures he puts on me are REALLY a mood-killer. I tell him that a woman likes to have sex with someone who is NICE to her all day long. Not the guy who is a dick all day and then suddenly remembers he wants to have sex at ten and then decides to be nice. I have a memory and women are different then me. We actually do thing with our upper head. The list goes on and on and on. And I admit to cheating on him with one guy on one occasion. It was not ongoing. His affairs were ongoing and he spent plenty of occasions away from his family. While I was home with out two children (breastfeeding one). Did he mention that he is not only verbally abusive but physically as well. He doesn't now because he KNOWS I WILL call the police and he WILL go to jail. And I WILL NOT be waiting when he gets out. He stuped as low as to attack and hit me when I was six months pregnant with our first son!! The last time he was physical with me was a few months ago. Apparently I had been talking in my sleep and was saying something he didn't like. So he started choking me in my sleep!! Very hard!! I had bruises and even a scab where he had broken a blood vessel or something!! I screamed bloody murder and I would have put him in jail that night if he hadn't held me down for several hours afterward. I found out the next day that the cops had been called by the neighbors and that they had come to our house. His stupid ass mom told them it was nothing and sent them away. I am screaming for him to stop choking me and to get off of me and she tell them "Everything is fine." That should tell you something about the mother who raised him and a little as to why he is the way he is now. Selfish to the core I call him. Everything is "different" for him or his circumstances. He always has an excuse. The australian guy? He was a friend of mine's husband who I did talk to sometimes, as a friend. My hubby has female friends his self but I'm not supposed to. As a matter a fact it is a real concern that if a guy should call my phone or talk to me after being "warned" by my husband, he shoud fear that my husband may make an uninvited visit to his house and rough him up a little. He loves to do stuff like that. Anyway, the Australian guy did make a pass at me and I quit takling to him. Yeah, all by myself. The guy I did cheat on him with was a guy that my husband and I had had a drug induced three some with a few weeks earlier. I did cheat on him for revenge. My hubby had cheated on me earlier that year and it had upset me alot. I went down to 108 lbs and was wearing smaller than a size 0. He had done so much to hurt me.
When I had confronted him about the affair he had gotten angry with me and went after me. I was holding my 6 month old and my two year old ran with me into the bathroom. He knocked the door down and attacked me while holding our son. I put our son in the sink because I thought he would be safer. Then my hubby picked me up off the counter and threw me on the floor so that my whole arm where I landed was bruised the next week. Cheating on him and making that account was a mistakek, but I was wanting him to leave me at the time since he wouldn't let me leave him. He made sure I had no means. Even now, the most important thing he wants right now is for me to quit my job. He doesn't care how important it is to me even if I just worked one day a week. He just doesn't like me to be away from him and talking to MEN by myself. This all stems from his insecurities that he had LONG before he met me. He was a really big asshole before he met me. I am supposed to have gotten the better and "changed" David. He needs to accept his responsibility in all of this. I know what I did was wrong. I closed that account over a year ago, it was only open for a few weeks and I never talked to any of the weirdos I met on there. I only saw that guy once by myself and I quit talking to him a month later. The only reason my hubby found out is because the guy blackmailed me and told me that if I wuoldn't see him again, he would tell my husband. My hubby on the other hand just can't ever get his lies under control. His porn addiction lies, sneaking, and betrayals have gone on for years! And you know what, even when he would spend hours a day, I didn't even bother him about it. It wasn't until he woke me up in the middle of the night a few months after I had our first son that I was bothered. He woke me because he had gone through the internet history and found some pix of Matthew McConagay (sp?) that I had been looking at. He thought that that waas grounds for me to get the fuck out. After I realized that that was how he thought about it, I told him that he was going to follow the same rules. After that he would go through all kinds of hoops and tricks just to jack off to a computer screen. Let me explain to you real quick that even though I've had two children I still have the same figure as I did when we met when I was in high school. Actually better, since I work out now. I just paricipated in a modeling contest with girls 10 years younger them myself that do not have children and I made it to the finals. All the while he would get so upset if he finds anything about some othe man on our computer. He has supposedly "got it under control" now but I seriously doubt it. He thinks I am just supposed to trust him now, this time. After being lied to for years. He doesn't understand that trust isn't a given, it is earned. The fact that he doesn't trust me now doesn't really matter because he NEVER has. He has always treated me like I was a hooker/slut like his ex-wife. Whome he chose to marry and impregnate several time so I have know sympathy in that regards. Only for their sad children who had to grow up with parents in prison.

Anyways, as you can see, I can go on and on. I can tell you right away what the problem is. My sociopathic husband (diagnosed by two doctors, removed from the military because of it, and not to mention after being with him for nine years, I can see it pretty clearly myself) can't handle the fact that I WILL NOT let him control me anymor. Thats right. I am NOT going to quit my job. I AM going to go back to school and do something with my brain (I am actually rather intelligent if my hubby would only choose to support me rather than hold me back out of fear that I will "find something better". My hubby is very smart too and I have always supported him in all of his wild and crazy ideas.) If I want to go shopping or out to dinner/lunch with a GIRL friend of mine, I AM going to. If he wants to be a complete dick about it when I get home and pout and mope like a baby than he can go ahead. I DON"T CARE ANYMORE. I will not be controlled anymore. My huband needs to acknowledge his disorder and learn about it. He needs to quit playing the victim. You can't be the victim when you have such unclean hands yourself. I try to get my husband to agree to just forget each other's mistakes from the past and move one so that we can have a good life/marrieage for our familily. But he insists on having an ongoing negative communication with they guy I cheated with about "who's got the bigger penis". Then whenever they start takling, we have to go through the ordeal all over again. I have been able to move on after his mistakes several times. I think he needs to grow up and learn to do the same. His whole life is centered around negativety. About who has wronged hime and what is wrong with his life.

My post is too long. To be continued................

 

[sherrie1984]

continued..........

I didn't really want to come on here and get involved. But, I, myself am completely miserable living with someone who has been diagnosed with this disease. I don't feel like he truly cares about me. He really only wants to control me. He tries to say the "does everything for me" but I know that is not true. He does not. He always does for himself first and me/our children if their is enough left over. I am so annoyed at having to explain to him how a normal person behaves in a situation. How life really is and how to "act". I don't know if that makes sense or not. It is hard for me to explain. I just feel that he takes a lot longer to learn lessons than I have/do. I am fourteen years younger than him but I have always been a productive/functioning member of society. When I met him, he had just gotten out of prison after being homeless for several years. These are all characteristics of someone with ASPD. Everyone in his family would tell you that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. I am the only person that can "inspire" him to do the right thing. That is very hard though. I hate having to continually remind my husband what is the right/wrong thing to do. I want my husband to just know what the right thing is by instinct. Like I do. My husbands first instinct naturally go to himself first.

Whatever, I just wanted to speak my mind beacause I DO want my husband to get help. I just didn't think he was going to get the help by telling mistruths and forgetting vital information.

Thanks

 

[Gorgoose]

I'm sure it's none of my business, but if both of you are so angry and miserable being together, then why are you still together? If the answer is because you have children (I'm not saying it is, maybe you really love each other, I don't know), but if it, think carefully; I know both from my own experience and from that of those close to me that it is most definitely NOT always better for the children if the parents stay together, if they do not have a loving relationship.