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Same mentality

J

Jurassicc

New member
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Madrid
Hello,

I’m new to the forum, and wanted to ask something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

About a year ago, I was overweight. I didn’t get to be obese, but you could tell just by seeing me that I didn’t maintain a healthy lifestyle. During this time, I was eating too much, too bad, and started to make a habit of that. It got to the point where I would sneak food into my bedroom at nights. Thinking of it makes me sick now. I felt bad with myself, always looking for excuses to see my body in a better way, instead of changing habits.

After some time, I managed to loose weight by completely changing my diet and exercising every day. 6-8 months later, today, I have got a completely different body, (less %fat, more %muscle) even healthier, with which I am happy (i earlier found it impossible to feel this way).

Now, the problem is that although my body has changed, my mentality hasn’t that much. I sure now have more knowledge about what to eat, what to avoid, etc. but I still have the same FEAR of going back to being overweight. And some HABITS too. Although I have managed to drop down to a normal weight, I still have urges to eat. And when I do, I might even eat a whole cookie package. It’s so strange, it’s like if I got dropped out of my body, loosing all control of it. And then finding myself having eaten a bunch of food.

I can’t eat something that’s not totally healthy without feeling guilty. And if I do, I’ll try everything to remove that feeling of guiltiness (trying to purge, exercising). When I found myself doing push-ups in the middle of the kitchen after I ate some cookies, I knew something was wrong. I literally though: “this can’t be me”.

I have read some things about eating disorders. I identify myself with: “having spontaneous urges to eat”, feeing guilty after eating, fear of going back overweight... The only solution I saw was to completely cut food that I don’t consider healthy, but even then I didn’t feel “complete”, because still had the same fear of going back to overweight.

I never thought I could have an eating disorder, but after seeing myself these days, I’m starting to believe it.

Lastly, it may lack importance but I did a TEST about my body and constitution, and turned out I was 3x more likely to be overweight due to metabolism, constitution and genetics. I feel that knowing this has affected the way I see things.

Sorry for the long text. With this post I’m hoping to get to know similar experiences, any tips, comments etc.

Thanks a lot 🙂
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
2,874
Location
England
It sounds like an all or nothing relationship with food. I wonder if you are like that with other things in your life.

Alcoholics have that same relationship with alcohol perhaps.

I am slightly similar in that if there are sweets in the fridge, i will eat them all that day and the next feel guilty and eat very well. Then i do it again next time i get a craving. Ideally it'd be a few biscuits daily and not one packet per two cups of tea!

I don't know anyone who manages to be so in control.

I don't understand eating disorders in terms of serious binging and purging, i think that is a whole other issue and needs serious support medically. Are you at that stage? Talking to a professional might help.
 
J

Jurassicc

New member
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Madrid
It sounds like an all or nothing relationship with food. I wonder if you are like that with other things in your life.

Alcoholics have that same relationship with alcohol perhaps.

I am slightly similar in that if there are sweets in the fridge, i will eat them all that day and the next feel guilty and eat very well. Then i do it again next time i get a craving. Ideally it'd be a few biscuits daily and not one packet per two cups of tea!

I don't know anyone who manages to be so in control.

I don't understand eating disorders in terms of serious binging and purging, i think that is a whole other issue and needs serious support medically. Are you at that stage? Talking to a professional might help.
First of all thank you for you reply. It really gave me much to think about.

About the “all or nothing” relationships, you got it right. I either go fully or don’t go with something, it’s in my personality.

For example, the other day I found a book about Greek mythology, which I really like. In seconds, I realized I wanted to read the whole collection, and was searching online how many books were there, and how to get them. This is just an example of my everyday life, it happens to me with every aspect/thing. I can’t have some of it, if I’m going to do it I feel I must involve all of it.

If I’m on a diet and exercise plan, and I eat unhealthy stuff, I’ll feel like I messed up everything. It’s not a clean sheet anymore. I’m at one extreme, or the other. But can’t really think why this would affect my eating or my well-being.

Thanks again for your comment, it provided me a different point of view.
 
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