Salutations

[ya woo hoo]

Hello all. After suffering with anxiety for years I am finally taking charge.

I think my anxiety's roots are from stress cumulating throughout the years. My childhood was not pretty, and recently within the year I experienced the death of my father. Ever since then it seemed as if I was on an literal emotional roller coaster. Sometimes though I will be fine and happy, even content with my life and self but I would still worry.

I think I was in denial that it was such a big problem, my anxiety that is. Sometimes I can get over it, other times it will be hard to. It seems like I worry about every trivial thing and I am especially shy and scared in social events such as parties and family gatherings. I will do anything unconsciously to avoid social events.

Medication wise I have been on Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro, and Wellbutrin. I have also taken Xanax/Klono. So far however I haven't made progress with any of those medications. Recently, I started up on a St. John's Wort regimen and am keeping an online journal for my feelings. I also seem to have trust issues with therapists usually- I feel as if it's more profit-oriented rather than recovery-oriented.

I have problems with communicating my feelings without taking responsibility to them. I'd like to work on communication skills too. It always seems as if when I am feeling a rush of emotions coming I just want to talk to someone, like my partner. Often times this puts a burden on my partner.

I am a student, an undergrad in the Arts. Many others say that I have potential to be awesome at what I do. I agree also. I love what I am learning to do at school.

Sometimes I wonder if I am depressed. I don't think I hate myself. You see, I don't really hate myself at all, sometimes I get frustrated at being so... choked up though. But no, I don't hate myself.

I realise anxiety hurts both myself and others. This year is a new year and I'd like to work on getting better and taking care of myself more.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Ainsworth]

..................................

 

[Kat667]

Hi ya woo hoo,
Am an aspiring artist myself, are you a painter, designer actor or what discipline?
Sounds like you've been through a lot and sometimes you need to give yourself a chance. I ended up almost paralyised by manic depression, I'd get highs were I'd constantly paint and be flooded with ideas and then crash and not even want to open the curtains.
I recently applied for BA Fine Art as I do oil paintings and photography, people keep telling me how good my stuff is but I just think they're being polite and loose confidence easily, or I'll get nasty and cynical and throw things at the TV when 'school of saatchi' is on.

 

[ya woo hoo]

Kat-

School gives me such hope right now. At first I was also skeptical about if my work was good or not. Don't even think about it. People go to school to learn. You may feel like your work is not on par with others, but that's why we go to school. As long as you are serious about what you want to do and keep going at it in the end you will be fine!

I am pursuing a BFA in Graphic Design.

 

[Kat667]

Hi Ya Woo Hoo,
I did an HND in Graphic Design Communication, many years ago, (before I had kids). I hope your course goes well for you.
I am very serious about what I do but sometimes feel as if I'm hitting a brick wall, the art scene here seems to be quite clicquey and there quite a bias towards abstract and conceptual art. I'm an all-rounder who believes artists should be able to do figurative work and know how to paint rather than go straight to abstraction without having any real technical skill.

MFA in Graphic Design must be an interesting course these days. In my day we did a lot of stuff by hand and only had access to really dreadful basic apple macs. We even used letraset which was a pain to use. Do you do web design on that course? Things have moved on so much since I did HND in 1992-1994.

 

[honeyrose]

Hello, I did an art and design study at home as I did not like the idea of going to college etc. and enjoyed it. If others are not sure about mixing with people in a class, this is a good way to learn and also doing writing courses by mail. I used to want to rush out of places like shops etc. But that is in the past.

My husband takes me to places, and I was able to submit some of my pictures to exhibitions. Although I hav'nt painted now for five years.

 

[Kat667]

Hi Honeyrose,
I thought about the home study route, but felt that having to go into college every day or at least a few times a week would help keep momentum going and that I'd have a bit of a support network there.
I still want to rush out of shops, so shop online if I can and avoid Saturdays and other really busy days.

 

[honeyrose]

Hello Kat667,

Thats very good thing to go to college you get used to it in the end, i am sure you are doing good.

We had a caravan in Dorset a few years ago and that helped to get me away from the house and used to travelling.

I dont run our of shops now, though sometimes I feel on edge, the strong lights in supermarkets can be off putting so sometimes wear dark glasses

God Bless