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Safety of others OCD thought - Please Help

jonjonzz47

jonjonzz47

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Prosper, Texas
Hello, I am new here. Situational Context. I was in love with my best friend/housemate (let's call her A) and I admitted my feelings. She did not feel the same way, but wanted to remain best friends. I ended up moving states away, but left her on really good terms. A promised to keep in touch, but never did. Since I moved six months ago, I have had occasional intrusive thoughts of A being unsafe or in danger as a result of her never having contact with me (I even got those thoughts when we lived together). Recently, she graduated and I congratulated her. After having a short but very nice conversation over text, she said she would call me when she got off of work. She never called. I got very worried because those intrusive thoughts of safety kept coming up. After five agonizing days of no contact, I decided to contact A's friends and work to see if she was ok. After doing so, A blocked me on all social media. I took that as an answer that she was safe, but didn't want anything to do with me. After a couple of weeks, the intrusive thoughts came back up and have been distressing me since. I contacted one of our former mutual friends to see if she was ok, and that friend confirmed that A is ok as she responded to a text. I keep getting intrusive thoughts that A is still not safe, and is danger, and that possibly someone has kidnapped her and is using her phone to make sure that no one gets suspicious that she's gone. These thoughts have been really distressing me. Because she wants nothing to do with me anymore, I'll likely never hear from her again. I'm trying to let go, especially since the blocking and responding to the friend mean that she is fine. I just can't shake these thoughts. I'm trying constant distraction, but that's exhausting and crippling. On the flip side, I'm trying to sit with the thoughts and allow them to come through, but the possibility and the images of her being kidnapped, raped, tortured, keep coming into my mind and causing great deals of stress. Not sure what to do. Please help :(
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
20,980
Location
Nowhere
hi jonjon :welcome:

it doesn't sound like there is any evidence
that she is being kidnapped
I think its just a way for you to justify remaining concerned
when she has clearly indicated no contact with you

she will probably go on to accuse you of harassment

how is the rest of your social life looking ?
 
jonjonzz47

jonjonzz47

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Prosper, Texas
hi jonjon :welcome:

it doesn't sound like there is any evidence
that she is being kidnapped
I think its just a way for you to justify remaining concerned
when she has clearly indicated no contact with you

she will probably go on to accuse you of harassment

how is the rest of your social life looking ?
Hi Zoe1,

thanks so much for the quick response! I'm definitely not going to contact her again. I don't want to make things worse than they already are. I'm doing my best to try and reason with myself, as well as trust in the universe and the people around her that she is safe. Honestly, my social life isn't large right now. I moved to a new city six months ago. The depression from rejection and separation really put me down, but I joined a martial arts gym when I got here to continue my training and make friends. For the last few months, I haven't gone at all. I do plan on going back this Monday. I keep in touch with my friends from back home and talk to them at least once every other day. I'm also planning a trip to see two friends for February, so I'm trying to focus on that. Again, I really appreciate the quick response, and I hope that since you're here helping others, you are doing well.
 
C

Carolmicheals73727

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
99
Location
Washington D.C
I am sorry your dealing with these intrusive thoughts. If anything were to ever happen to your friend, you would hear about it even if you went out of your way not to. I know it’s difficult to stop with compulsions (contacting her friends) but they do not understand why you are doing that. Unless you open up to her directly about your intrusive thoughts, they are going to think you are dangerous, which you are NOT. The intrusive thoughts never leave your head and project into fate or whatever you want to call it. I am confident that you will move on from them. You cannot control what happens to anyone. If she were to be hurt or something, what could you do about it? Nothing. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and I think you will be just fine! :)
 
jonjonzz47

jonjonzz47

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Prosper, Texas
I am sorry your dealing with these intrusive thoughts. If anything were to ever happen to your friend, you would hear about it even if you went out of your way not to. I know it’s difficult to stop with compulsions (contacting her friends) but they do not understand why you are doing that. Unless you open up to her directly about your intrusive thoughts, they are going to think you are dangerous, which you are NOT. The intrusive thoughts never leave your head and project into fate or whatever you want to call it. I am confident that you will move on from them. You cannot control what happens to anyone. If she were to be hurt or something, what could you do about it? Nothing. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and I think you will be just fine! :)
Hello! Thank you so much for the response! Been sitting with it for the last few hours and trying to just let the intrusive thoughts do their damage and leave. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me these things. Who/wherever you are, hope you’re doing well and are healthy. Blessings to you :)
 
C

Carolmicheals73727

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
99
Location
Washington D.C
Hello! Thank you so much for the response! Been sitting with it for the last few hours and trying to just let the intrusive thoughts do their damage and leave. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me these things. Who/wherever you are, hope you’re doing well and are healthy. Blessings to you :)
Well you are stronger than I for letting the intrusive thoughts do their thing! I will also need to do that {embrace them} in the future. Let me know if it helps you. Maybe it will take time. I think a professional may have more concrete suggestions to put your mind at ease but it sounds like you have a good grasp of what’s going on and what to do to fix it. By this time next year, things will be better and you will realize how silly these thoughts were. You got this!
 
jonjonzz47

jonjonzz47

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Prosper, Texas
Well you are stronger than I for letting the intrusive thoughts do their thing! I will also need to do that {embrace them} in the future. Let me know if it helps you. Maybe it will take time. I think a professional may have more concrete suggestions to put your mind at ease but it sounds like you have a good grasp of what’s going on and what to do to fix it. By this time next year, things will be better and you will realize how silly these thoughts were. You got this!
I've dealt with intrusive thoughts before, this one was just the most brutal yet because of the subject matter. In the past, however, I've found that treating your intrusive thoughts like a child works the best. When little kids try and bug you or poke you repeatedly and you give them a reaction, they laugh and keep doing it. But, when you just let them poke you until they tire themselves out without giving them much attention, they just stop. It's not 100% a perfect system, but I hope that analogy helps you with whatever you may be struggling with. You're right! This time next year, it'll all be a silly memory! :)
 
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