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A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#1
Hello everyone,

I am pretty much in dire straits and an online forum is the ONLY thing that I haven’t tried.

Before I begin I will tell you that I have my first NHS psychotherapist appointment next week and speak to my GP regularly.

About me; I am 32 years old, male, fit, great job, fabulous fiancé, lovely wee girl and the best dog! I also have a great relationship with my family and friends and I am fortunate enough not to have financial worries. My Facebook account would indicate a nice life with a nice house and nice holidays. In fact, I am probably thought of as a happy confident and normal guy.

The above was not to boast. It was to set the tone for the fact that I suffer from crippling OCD and GAD that is so well hidden from the world. I have survived in this state for the bulk of the last 20 years. I have lost friends who got upset when I didn’t ‘go out with the boys’ with my ‘stupid excuses’ when in reality I was in a bubble of my own self generated dread.

Symptoms;

Chest pain (pinpoint, shooting, 6/10 pain)
Check pulse 50 times a day
Feel like pulse checking keeping me alive
Fear of death (heart or stroke)
Nausea
Headache
Pins and Needles
IBS
Can’t sleep
Can’t relax
Can’t cope with sudden changes to schedule
Obsessive praying for my worries not to happen
Must do things ‘correct’
Struggle to read if make mistakes I restart
Worry about all things
Waking up suddenly to severe panic
Sensation that heart is slowing to a stop
There is always something going on!

Has anyone any experience of curing this? Beta blockers didn’t work as took my resting heart rate from 59 to 48 (scary).

My blood pressure is 129/79 which is most recent average.

I have a Fitbit that says my RHR is 59 and my recovery rate after exercise seems good! 132 to 92 in two minutes after stationary bike.

I cannot shift the feeling that I am on the verge of a sudden catastrophic event. I do many actions to settle my mind but if interrupted I need to start again... often berating the interrupter! 😩 then regretting that!

I have had a cold for a few weeks and had a foot injury and have had some GERD so my mind is constantly flying to the current source of irritation that triggers something else. It’s a viscous cycle. I just want to stop being hypersensitive to my body and it’s natural sensations.

I would not and have not thought about suicide but recently I am noticing that I can relate to why people do it if their own mind is torturing them!

In my mind;

Chest pain is heart
Headache is stroke
Sore throat is allergic reaction
Stomach is ulcer
Leg pain is MS
Pins and needles is stroke

I woke up last night 20 minutes after falling asleep and felt like (with no pain) my heart was slowing to a stop and I was about to die. Had to run down stairs to get system going. Then lay nervous. Then slept ok.

Surely if my heart etc was in a bad way I would be dead or at least symptomatic in a hospital by now? I know this myself but can’t shake the fear!

Any help welcome and god bless anyone in the same position.
 
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
257
#2
Hugs. Well at least you aren't spoiled like me
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#3
Hi, Joe—

Glad you’re going to see a psychologist. You’re taking healthy steps to shed light on your issues and find peace for yourself! It seems like you haven’t felt you can share these struggles with your family or friends. Maybe opening up to them will make you feel a little better at least? They love you and are bound to understand. They can help you through it, too.

I can relate to worrying over the slightest gas bubble. My stomach will ache and cause my left side to ache, too, which freaks me out like I have heart problems. However, these issues are brought on by stress, and they’ve decreased since I stopped smoking weed and increased my Sertraline dosage. I as well am a healthy person. I don’t drink, which is crucial to my happiness.

We must redirect our minds so they stop jumping to conclusions and then panicking over those conclusions. For me, Sertraline has allowed me to work on myself and my issues by leveling out my brain chemistry. We must find healthy ways to relax and calm ourselves.

I am a singer, with lots of gigs and lots of friendly patrons at my gigs, and I’m a very happy, funny, polite, smart woman, cute, too! But being “on” constantly, having to perform for people staring at me, can get old. Normally, I’m fine onstage. A little nervousness before a show is welcome by me as a natural feeling. Thankfully, I can relax once I open my trap and start singin’. People wouldn’t expect me to have emotional issues, but they’d understand if they knew I do, because everybody experiences these unsettling emotions!

We’ll be ok. We’re taking those steps to better our states! Keep us posted, Joe! You are not alone.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
330
Location
California, US
#4
Hi. I'm so sorry you're struggling with symptoms that are greatly impacting your wellbeing and lifestyle.

I think it's fantastic that you made that appointment with a psychologist to address these issues. What you can expect in terms of outcome is a prescription for medication to dramatically reduce the severity of the symptoms you mentioned. Possibly therapy to allow you to discuss the intrusive thoughts you're having difficulty with, any issues that you can't or shouldn't discuss with your spouse or mates and learn some effective tools to help manage distorted thoughts and problem behaviors.

The relief effect of medication and therapy rely on a process that may require some time before you see clear results. It's important to be patient with the process and with yourself, both are crucial in helping restore wellness.

Take comfort in knowing that you're doing something to better your situation by seeking professional help and also by joining this community. Two positive steps. We want to support and comfort you, we understand how mental illness symptoms makes it difficult to enjoy what's good in your life.

Please let us know how your journey goes, I hope you'll continue to share with us any progress or setbacks.
 
A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#5
Thank you for your thoughtful responses and I have found them encouraging. I am glad that these steps are seen as positive.

Current situation: 09:10am and only thought was dying twice. The sad thing about mental health is that most often we seem to know that’s what it is but our subconscious is too strong!

I went to the gym last night and subsequently have tired legs and chest DOMS and feel a bit bleurgh.

However checked my pulse about 10 times and even used stopwatch to check Fitbit is correct and it was. 66bpm just now nice and steady.

Just struggle to shake the fear that my hearts slowing to a stop.

Pathetic I know but one of my many many niggles 😭
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#6
Hey, Joe, whaddaya know? Have you met with a doctor/therapist yet? How are you feeling lately?
 
A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#7
Hello Liza - hope you’re good. Thanks for asking. First appointment is this Tuesday. Will update.

Well, I thought I was turning a corner! But then had an awful time yesterday. Stupidly went to workout straight from bed with no food and then felt sick and faint which then triggered heart worries. Despite knowing the cause.

Had a horrible and consistent sore stomach right in my solar plexus which is not getting fixed by antacids

Then woke up middle of night pulse was showing at 42 which freaked me out (stopping wearing Fitbit at night now) and to top it all of I had my first episode of sleep paralysis last night. Well I hope that’s what it was. I was in and out of sleep all night and then boom; couldn’t move. Knew where I was and was trying to nudge my partner and couldn’t. Literally felt was having a stroke and she was gonna wake up to me dead if couldn’t alert her. Then all of a sudden was lying awake very calm and despite the perceived panic my heart and breathing was very relaxed. Maybe the paralysis was just one of those nightmares where you can’t move! Scary.

Up now to see what today brings! How are you?
 
J

Justbreath5

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2018
Messages
6
#8
Hello everyone,

I am pretty much in dire straits and an online forum is the ONLY thing that I haven’t tried.

Before I begin I will tell you that I have my first NHS psychotherapist appointment next week and speak to my GP regularly.

About me; I am 32 years old, male, fit, great job, fabulous fiancé, lovely wee girl and the best dog! I also have a great relationship with my family and friends and I am fortunate enough not to have financial worries. My Facebook account would indicate a nice life with a nice house and nice holidays. In fact, I am probably thought of as a happy confident and normal guy.

The above was not to boast. It was to set the tone for the fact that I suffer from crippling OCD and GAD that is so well hidden from the world. I have survived in this state for the bulk of the last 20 years. I have lost friends who got upset when I didn’t ‘go out with the boys’ with my ‘stupid excuses’ when in reality I was in a bubble of my own self generated dread.

Symptoms;

Chest pain (pinpoint, shooting, 6/10 pain)
Check pulse 50 times a day
Feel like pulse checking keeping me alive
Fear of death (heart or stroke)
Nausea
Headache
Pins and Needles
IBS
Can’t sleep
Can’t relax
Can’t cope with sudden changes to schedule
Obsessive praying for my worries not to happen
Must do things ‘correct’
Struggle to read if make mistakes I restart
Worry about all things
Waking up suddenly to severe panic
Sensation that heart is slowing to a stop
There is always something going on!

Has anyone any experience of curing this? Beta blockers didn’t work as took my resting heart rate from 59 to 48 (scary).

My blood pressure is 129/79 which is most recent average.

I have a Fitbit that says my RHR is 59 and my recovery rate after exercise seems good! 132 to 92 in two minutes after stationary bike.

I cannot shift the feeling that I am on the verge of a sudden catastrophic event. I do many actions to settle my mind but if interrupted I need to start again... often berating the interrupter! 😩 then regretting that!

I have had a cold for a few weeks and had a foot injury and have had some GERD so my mind is constantly flying to the current source of irritation that triggers something else. It’s a viscous cycle. I just want to stop being hypersensitive to my body and it’s natural sensations.

I would not and have not thought about suicide but recently I am noticing that I can relate to why people do it if their own mind is torturing them!

In my mind;

Chest pain is heart
Headache is stroke
Sore throat is allergic reaction
Stomach is ulcer
Leg pain is MS
Pins and needles is stroke

I woke up last night 20 minutes after falling asleep and felt like (with no pain) my heart was slowing to a stop and I was about to die. Had to run down stairs to get system going. Then lay nervous. Then slept ok.

Surely if my heart etc was in a bad way I would be dead or at least symptomatic in a hospital by now? I know this myself but can’t shake the fear!

Any help welcome and god bless anyone in the same position.


I feel like I could have wrote this myself recently. struggling with similar stuff, everyone on the outside probably thinks im all good but randomly throughout the week more often than not recently I feel like a war is going on inside my brain trying to break out of this cycle. constant worry and physical symptoms that keep my spiraling into thoughts of something being wrong. I keep reading that these are just physical symptoms related to stress and that I need to learn to accept them and not react to them as if they are normal, but it gets frustrating when all you want is to feel normal again.
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#9
I am okay... up and down today. It’s still Sunday night here in TX, and I look forward to making an appt with a new Psychiatrist tomorrow morn. Also, I’ll meet a new therapist on Wed.

I feel like you May have been dreaming the sleep paralysis! And for sure, when I don’t eat, my stomach aches and I feel nauseous after a while even. Lately, I’ve been making myself eat, as my depression wipes out my appetite. But thankfully, I do feel lots better after eating. I’ve even lost weight (though I had gained some so who cares), and it’s anxiety sparking to hear people tell me I look really tiny. But I’m good. Next time someone says that, I’m gonna just let em have it: “Yeah, I’ve lost weight due to heightened anxiety and depression from the holidays. I’m fine, though...eating healthy and seeing doctors. Do you ever experience anxiety or depression?” Tell me I’m thin. See where it gets ya. :p

I’ve also experienced light-headedness, and I attribute it to the fact that MY BRAIN WON’T TURN OFF and I’m chemically wack-a-doo up there at the mo. Sheezus. I’m not surprised that physical symptoms are present!

Yes, keep us posted! Deep breaths. You’re strong and healthy. Have you opened up to your family yet?
 
A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#10
I think you are right that I dreamt it as can remember was having a dream and that was next!

Hopefully you have had a better day.

I am now getting tested for Heliobacter Pylori due to stomach issues. If it is that then it may be limiting serotonin production! So if I have that and it gets cured then could help towards beating the mental side.

Positivity on the horizon
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#11
I wonder if the herbal laxatives I experimented with this Summer and Fall have anything to do with my serotonin production? I’ve been listening to a few different herbalists on YouTube, and they’ll tell you that all diseases start in the colon, most people are constipated, and the like. This is not meant to further alarm you, by the way. I’m also a generally fit, healthy person, and I’ve never really had an issue with constipation, aside from every now and then kinda stuff. But when you hear that kind of stuff, you think, “Wow! I’m gonna clean my colon!”

So, I took a couple different herbal laxatives, one which gave me diarrhea, and one that definitely made me empty my bowels. However, when I stopped taking them, I found myself...constipated! It’s a real likelihood that one can develop a dependency on those things, as the bottles will tell you.

Bottom line (heh heh): don’t take them, unless you’re severely constipated, and do it with your doctor’s guidance. Eat healthy, exercise, relax constructively. I stopped taking those supplements, and I’m finally back to eliminating regularly. :dance: By the way...bananas will make you go. :)

Just made an appt w a psychiatrist to discuss all this, my Zoloft, my serotonin, yadda yadda. Wednesday I see a new therapist, Thursday I see the psychiatrist, next Monday the new GP.

Onward and upward, Joe! Let’s keep each other posted! And let’s breeeathe. :rolleyes:
 
Last edited:
A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#12
I feel like I could have wrote this myself recently. struggling with similar stuff, everyone on the outside probably thinks im all good but randomly throughout the week more often than not recently I feel like a war is going on inside my brain trying to break out of this cycle. constant worry and physical symptoms that keep my spiraling into thoughts of something being wrong. I keep reading that these are just physical symptoms related to stress and that I need to learn to accept them and not react to them as if they are normal, but it gets frustrating when all you want is to feel normal again.
Sorry to hear this. It’s very hard and you are not alone. Sometimes wish I had the mentality of if I die I die. But just cannot relax
 
A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#13
So.... my initial diagnosis was described as OCD but on the high spectrum. They said that given my first signs were when I was 12 (20 years ago) I have shown some good resilience to get this far on my own. Basically it is underpinning everything and causing everything.

Next stage is weekly CBT with psychologist but she wants me to see a psychiatrist to prescribe or otherwise.

May need an SSRI to help with the willpower x
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#14
Joe! So glad you’ve gotten more clarity on your issues. What a good point your docs made about your resilience. I hope that you feel better knowing this alone....

The psychiatrist I met last week seems like a nice guy, much warmer than the other psychiatrist I met 5 years ago. He thinks I have anxiety and depression, with a bit of OCD. The OCD explains my intrusive thoughts. He suggested I up my Sertraline to 75mg/day, and I’m gonna trust him, and after 3 doses at that, I’m feeling a lot better. Don’t be afraid of the SSRI. Be patient with initial side effects...they should subside after a few days, and then you’ll feel lots better. And if they don’t, try a different one. Communicate with your docs.

Keep us posted as to your CBT progress! That’s cool...you’ll have to work hard at retraining your brain-ball, but you can do it. We can do it!
 
S

Ste123

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
14
#15
Hi Joe, just read your post and it sounds like you are in a similar situation to me.
I’ve got a great family and job but my enjoyment of it is being ruined by my health anxiety!
I’ve a constant fear of heart attacks and suffer from chest niggles and pains that bring on my anxiety attacks and make me feel like I can’t escape.
I’ve had numerous blood test, ecg’s, chest x-rays and heart tapes and they all show negative but I still can’t get the irrational thoughts out of my head.
Just started a course of Sertraline and I have registered to speak to a therapist next month. Fingers crossed it will get me back to normal. I’m going to try and post my progress on here to see if it helps others in the same boat. Hopefully we can all get through it.
It’s good to know we aren’t the only ones feeling the same, nothing worse than feeling alone.
 
A

Anxiousjoe

Member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
15
#16
Nice to hear from you Ste. You know - people who done have it don’t get it. My doctor kindly gave me a full check; ECG, blood oxygen levels, blood pressure, manual stethoscope. Results were perfect and low resting heart rate (54 now and 45 lowest while asleep) to fitness. Great news.

However my instinct straight away was to think; what if the machine was faulty, what if that was a lucky 10 minutes. How crazy is that! My mind almost wants to be worry!

Luckily I checked myself and thought come on Joe! So slight improvement!

Went for a nap tonight and my partner woke me up suddenly when she got home. Felt nauseas and Fitbit said 49 then I PANIC! Thinking pulse too low body struggling.

I attribute everything to heart. Pins and needles I think heart. Sore foot, toe, finger - heart! Stomach heart. Fatigue - heart!!

I need to knock this on the head once and for all and stop trying to understand my body so much! And not realising normal trivial ailments are normal!!

Aaargh!
 
S

Ste123

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
14
#17
We are literally fighting the same demon! I’ve done exactly the same when I’ve felt my heart rate was too low and even though all my test results came back ok I couldn’t help but think they might of missed something.
At one point I even asked my Doctor if I could have something in writing to say my heart was ok 😂, as if a bit of paper would make it all go away!
I’m nearly finished my first week of meds (Sertraline 50mg), still feel anxious and worrying about stuff but I’m going to keep going in the hope they work once they build up in my system.

You’re right though Joe, it does sometimes feel like you need a knock on the head or a good shake to come to your senses! It’s like, I know what I’m thinking is wrong so why am I thinking it!!
We will get there, stay strong💪 !
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#18
Consider this a good cyber-shaking. You’re healthy, damn it! Healthy and strong and figuring your lives out!!!

We need to retrain our thoughts, for sure. I wonder if y’all have a bit of OCD, too? The reran intrusive thoughts I experience sure do seem OCDish to me. Joe...have you been prescribed anything yet?

Ste...I hope you love your Sertraline soon. I sure do. We should practice our meditating. Make some time for it. Take care, guys!
 
Liza9560

Liza9560

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2018
Messages
104
Location
Texas
#19
Duh, you have OCD, Joe. You said that. 🙄 Hope you’re doing better.
 
A

Anciety+ocd

Active member
Joined
Jan 25, 2019
Messages
26
Location
England
#20
This
Hello everyone,

I am pretty much in dire straits and an online forum is the ONLY thing that I haven’t tried.

Before I begin I will tell you that I have my first NHS psychotherapist appointment next week and speak to my GP regularly.

About me; I am 32 years old, male, fit, great job, fabulous fiancé, lovely wee girl and the best dog! I also have a great relationship with my family and friends and I am fortunate enough not to have financial worries. My Facebook account would indicate a nice life with a nice house and nice holidays. In fact, I am probably thought of as a happy confident and normal guy.

The above was not to boast. It was to set the tone for the fact that I suffer from crippling OCD and GAD that is so well hidden from the world. I have survived in this state for the bulk of the last 20 years. I have lost friends who got upset when I didn’t ‘go out with the boys’ with my ‘stupid excuses’ when in reality I was in a bubble of my own self generated dread.

Symptoms;

Chest pain (pinpoint, shooting, 6/10 pain)
Check pulse 50 times a day
Feel like pulse checking keeping me alive
Fear of death (heart or stroke)
Nausea
Headache
Pins and Needles
IBS
Can’t sleep
Can’t relax
Can’t cope with sudden changes to schedule
Obsessive praying for my worries not to happen
Must do things ‘correct’
Struggle to read if make mistakes I restart
Worry about all things
Waking up suddenly to severe panic
Sensation that heart is slowing to a stop
There is always something going on!

Has anyone any experience of curing this? Beta blockers didn’t work as took my resting heart rate from 59 to 48 (scary).

My blood pressure is 129/79 which is most recent average.

I have a Fitbit that says my RHR is 59 and my recovery rate after exercise seems good! 132 to 92 in two minutes after stationary bike.

I cannot shift the feeling that I am on the verge of a sudden catastrophic event. I do many actions to settle my mind but if interrupted I need to start again... often berating the interrupter! 😩 then regretting that!

I have had a cold for a few weeks and had a foot injury and have had some GERD so my mind is constantly flying to the current source of irritation that triggers something else. It’s a viscous cycle. I just want to stop being hypersensitive to my body and it’s natural sensations.

I would not and have not thought about suicide but recently I am noticing that I can relate to why people do it if their own mind is torturing them!

In my mind;

Chest pain is heart
Headache is stroke
Sore throat is allergic reaction
Stomach is ulcer
Leg pain is MS
Pins and needles is stroke

I woke up last night 20 minutes after falling asleep and felt like (with no pain) my heart was slowing to a stop and I was about to die. Had to run down stairs to get system going. Then lay nervous. Then slept ok.

Surely if my heart etc was in a bad way I would be dead or at least symptomatic in a hospital by now? I know this myself but can’t shake the fear!

Any help welcome and god bless anyone in the same position.
sounds like me im 32 just had my little girl and ur symptoms are the same im on beta blockers but coming off them now did u just stop? I feel they are giving me all these symptoms!