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sad pizza story

B

Bertilow

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
8
Location
italy
Hello, is someone online?
I wanted to share what happened to me today and i was wondering if someone is going through the same thing..
Today I was out all day and yesterday I decided that I should have been the day where I would eat a nice pizza out without trying to purge it (like every single food that I eat.. I cannot not purge it.. I’m scared that from that single little thing I’d become super fat), so today I went into the nice pizzeria and ordered the pizza.
I tried to convince myself to just walk around afterwards without thinking too much about all the calories but at the end I couldn’t resist the necessity and after a bit I did, successfully, purge it all.
What do you think I should do? Is someone like me?
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,755
Location
England
Hello Bertilow. It is so difficult to overcome an eating disorder without professional help. I would talk to your doctor about this and they will be able to refer you to an eating disorder therapist.
 
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Bertilow

Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
8
Location
italy
Hello Bertilow. It is so difficult to overcome an eating disorder without professional help. I would talk to your doctor about this and they will be able to refer you to an eating disorder therapist.
It’s so hard to talk about this in real life.. nobody knows.
They all see that I’m losing a lot of weight and they think that I’m anorexic but they don’t actually know that I do this.
is too hard for me to say it at loud
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,755
Location
England
I can understand how hard it is to talk about it. Maybe you can google if there are any websites based in Italy that could give you some support? We have some in the UK and hopefully there will be one in Italy too.
 
Zero One

Zero One

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
2,894
Location
United States
Hello, is someone online?
I wanted to share what happened to me today and i was wondering if someone is going through the same thing..
Today I was out all day and yesterday I decided that I should have been the day where I would eat a nice pizza out without trying to purge it (like every single food that I eat.. I cannot not purge it.. I’m scared that from that single little thing I’d become super fat), so today I went into the nice pizzeria and ordered the pizza.
I tried to convince myself to just walk around afterwards without thinking too much about all the calories but at the end I couldn’t resist the necessity and after a bit I did, successfully, purge it all.
What do you think I should do? Is someone like me?
I had this a very long time ago along with this feeling of being fake which led to a weird thought life of each bulimic episode being so dramatic and I was the drama queen trying to convince other people to care about my eating disorder, and avoiding the other things I didn't want to talk about like all the rapes and being molested. Once I finally came out of my dramatic bulimia, I felt happy that the people I confided in knew nothing about me being molested or raped.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
703
Hello everyone

bertilow and zero one thank you for sharing your stories! Big hug 🤗❤ I know how hard it is to share and sometimes the words literally won’t come out, I agree with my knowledgeable friend @bpd2020 regarding getting help but I think for both of you maybe you could write down your fears and what happened and hand that to someone! I appreciate it’s still hard to do because you have to think about it and it makes you feel bad but it may be worth it if it gives you some peace of mind in the long run! Sending you all a massive hug 🤗🌈❤
 
K

katwomyn3

Active member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
36
Location
Los angeles
I think that you do have one. But most importantly of all, not beat yourself up about it. I mean in the sense that it's all or nothing kind of thinking. Every day is a struggle, and because you gave in to disordered behavior and thinking that you should go all in. Tomorrow, you can try again to not give in to behaviors, not give in as a failure. You are not. You are trying to get better and people like us find it so hard to sit with our eating and just fight these urges to purge in some way and not do them. When we do, its also a fight to not do anything about it. It's an itch. And if you gave in, we can try again tomorrow. It's OK, we can try again. We have to keep trying as much as we hate that we have to keep trying, it is much better than to let the urges take over.
 
S

Star1969

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Stafford
I’m scared that from that single little thing I’d become super fat

You’re not alone and it’s a common belief when you’re in such a vicious circle of eat-purge
It’s a very unhappy and all consuming place to be
First of all you have to want to break the cycle that’s the first brave step and yes you may need professional help to get you there.
I think the fear of asking for help is mostly because you don’t know what you’re going to say and worse than that what that person is going to think of you. But these professionals have heard hundreds of similar stories much like doctors have seen hundreds of bottoms. A good Therapist will understand your anxieties and take you at your own pace. When I couldn’t get the words out my therapist would let me draw pictures.
My way out was to focus on nutrition not calories. I still have to portion control and weigh everything but instead of seeing food as calories to make me fat I now know that what goes in my body is nutrition for my heart, lungs, kidneys, etc. That’s what stops me from purging, I understand now that my body needs nutrition to function properly.
It’s a long process but if you want to break the cycle you can find your way out of it, with help. It’s ok to ask for help xxx
 
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