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Running Away and Ruining Career

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spartywilson

New member
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
1
Location
USA
Hi, everyone. I’m new. I’m a mid-40s male with multiple mental health diagnoses. (Much of this can be traced back to severe physical abuse I suffered as a child.)

Due in part to anxiety, I have never been able to hold a job for very long. It took me six years to finish college, and then somehow I managed to finish grad school. Over the last 20 years, I’ve had close to a dozen jobs — the longest lasting only four years.

I took a job in my field at a small employer last year, hoping it would be the one I could handle. The folks in charge took a liking to me, and within a few months I found myself promoted to top manager. And when I say top manager, I mean it. I now oversee a staff of three dozen and a multi-million dollar budget. I’m paid in the low six figures — about 75 percent higher than I’ve ever made. My family has everything they could want now.

I have no idea what I’m doing. I have imposter syndrome. I hate every minute of this job. I’m in the public eye and am constantly criticized by people I don’t even know. I don’t like being responsible for anyone other than myself. I want to skip out, just as I’ve done so many times before. I don‘t want to keep disappointing people. I don’t want to keep embarrassing myself. I don’t know how to handle the stress and pressure that anxiety (and PTSD) puts on me. While counseling has helped me cope over the years, it has never helped with fight-or-flight.

I‘ve never met anyone else whose first instinct is to run. From everything. Are you out there?
 
dreambuggieIII

dreambuggieIII

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 20, 2015
Messages
4,199
Location
Elderberry & Waffles
Hello : So here go's some first thoughts. I run my mouth, into sarcasm

I was told by someone once, you don't go to work for a social life. How true.

Most jobs in this age are good as gold for over two years ... You have done well. Give yourself some credit.

If you've no idea what your doing - it's probs time to chat about training you may be able to get. It can be inspiring. Either way your CV gets fluffed up. If you really don't like the job - perhaps look around for another. After a family discussion ..... you can work through it.

Your quality of life affects your family, and being happier about work, doesn't happen often, however if it's really affecting your days as largely dark .... then I'd say look around for something else. There's always people here that can offer help with those questions too.

Write again. Someone will resonate with something said perhaps another time. Best DB
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,003
Location
nowhere
Why not look for a job where you're not in management. Something you can do where you are working more by yourself.

It's not going to pay as well as what you have now but you'd be happier.
 
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