Ruminating Techniques

[Yorkshiremare]

I would like to hear some of the techniques you usefor when you are sat overthinking things which atre causing you to be unhappy e.g. heartache, job, family, finances. I have read so many books which I think are really good but when I get myself in a state about my past and regrets nothing seems to work.

Any advice from people who actually suffer from depression would be most grateful!

 

[nickh]

that is a very big question Ym. Indeed even professionals would give answers which might be diametrically opposed. Basically I would say different approaches work for different people - not very helpful I guess but still true IMO. It might be possible to summarise three different approaches...

1) Cognitive. Sort of arguing your way through and adopting positive thoughts to the particular problems. Very definitely not my way but it does work for some people. Seeing a CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapist) is probably the best way to approach this, though there are books and on-line resources too.

2) Psycho-therapy. Examining the whys. Why you are worried about these things. This obviously applies more to some things than others (why financial problems are worrying is pretty damn obvious! but why some people have more problems with relationships than others is not). The problem with this is that resolution really depends on getting access to a good psycho-therapist and that is much easier said than done.

3) Avoidance. It may be that this is what you are asking about. This is a purely temporary solution ; it won't make the problems go away or resolve them but it will stop you worrying about them for a bit. There are a whole battery of options here ranging from yoga/meditation through exercise/physical recreation (eg:Gardening) to things like video games/reading/TV. The latter are what work for me. But only trial and experiment can discover what's right for you. The one important rule is not to do anything which will make you worse - the self-medication option (not for any moral reasons but cos drink and drugs just make you worse; thats experience not morality).

Even when you have worked out what is right for you it is still not going to stop you over-thinking if that is part of your nature (as it is mine) but you can be aware of it and take a break.

Nick.

 

[unlucky]

I'm finding that writing stuff down is helping for me. I've always been told to do this but thought it was rubbish but since I came on the forum thats what i've been doing and it seems to help me. I'm afraid I'm also guilty of having a drink if I've had a really bad day but I would never have one on my own cos that would just lead to self destruction with me but if my hubbys there I can always have a laugh and forget about it for a while!!

 

[nickh]

I wasn't advocating becoming TT emac. A few drinks with someone else is a long way from drinking for obliteration.

Nick.

 

[Apotheosis]

I have over the past 6 months - come to see certain things a lot more simply.

First off I suppose is that having never bought into the whole 'organic disease' model/hypothesis - is that I believe that people can recover (& indeed do) from 'mental illness', whatever the condition. That in itself I do think can effect prognosis. If you believe you have an incurable condition that you can do nothing about; then you'll do nothing about it.

Through seeing a psychologist & with some other therapeutic help & supportive friends - I can see things simply as having experienced a lot of trauma at certain times; & certain things have exasperated that; leading to 'psychosis' & mental/emotional pain.

It is simply a case or 'letting go' & relaxing. I know that although that sounds simple, it can be hard. I have been practising basic meditation, removing as much stress as possible. Doing things I enjoy doing, doing relaxing things. Being as accepting as possible. Also not focusing on negatives, things I don't have, not focusing on problems. But rather focusing on things I do have, positives, things I am grateful for & developing gratitude.

None of this is a magic wand, & it is a cumulative effect.

I have been able to see certain patterns in thought & behaviour in my life. It can help to be aware of certain things. CBT/psychology can help with this. I know that there are certain subjects & trains of thought which can often lead to me being in a very negative space. It may sound a bit trite or simplistic - but it can & does work to simply not think about certain things. 'Mindfulness' techniques can help with this. It appears that thoughts do seem very much tied into environment & circumstances. Things happen which we have no control over - most of what happens we have no control over. But our reactions, & the way we respond to things; is something we have some control with. It doesn't make things easy - but it does provide some solution.

I can get very off days - they do pass - as all things do. There are things which make me feel better throughout the day - I can choose to sit there & do nothing, get very negative & focus on the negatives. Or go & do things; meet a friend for a chat, go for a walk, get a good meal, do something to relax. Also address the circumstances I can do something about, to improve the situation - & accept as much as possible & adapt to the rest.

Yesterday evening the kitchen tap stopped working completely; it has been faulty a long time. I tried turning off one of the stop valves; which broke & started leaking everywhere - so I had to turn it off completely. Which has lead to there being no water in the toilet cistern. The letting agents are useless in getting things fixed. I have made 2 phone calls to them already; still nothing has been sorted. I also have a very bad throat infection, I feel physically ill. I spent most of the day yesterday with an alcoholic friend I know, who just wanted to argue & be very incorrigible.

I have chatted to other people to get perspective, done all I can to sort out the plumbing, arranged to get some throat spray & other medicine. I'm going out for lunch & meeting a very dear friend, & will relax as much as I can, not focus on the problems, & do things to be productive.

It's not to negate the seriousness or difficulty in depression. this time last week I was getting 'black' & suicidal thoughts. I don't act on them - it passed. I focused on other stuff.

 

[unlucky]

I know you weren't Nick, but I've got to admit I don't have such a laugh next day!! Getting too old!! Or what I actually think is that the government have started putting something in alcohol now that makes hangovers worse in a ploy to stop binge drinking!!

PS That was an off the cuff remark and in no way linked to government conspiracy theories!!