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Ruining Peoples lives

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Sappy

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Mar 16, 2008
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Please help: - I have been depressed on and off for the last 4 years. I am happly married and have 3 teenagers. I also work in the city and have quite a stressfull job.

I have been on Citalopram 40mg then down to30mg since November. However I was unable to pick up last perscription and have not had my tablets for the last 2 weeks.

This weekend has been awful I was trying to cope and was getting stressed about my sons GCSE coursework and helping him to complete it. He couldn't find the papers the teacher had given him. I exploded and got very angry and shouted a lot.

My wife who has been brilliant with me told me to just go away and calm down. I went to our bedroom and slept. When I woke up I didn't feel any better. We already had arrangements to go to friends this afternoon and whilst I didn't feel good my, I still wanted to go for my wife.

When we arrived there was a large number of our other friends that I hadn't expected and I got scared about my behaviour and the tension between my wife and I. Then she said something to me and I reacted and it resulted in a shouting match in the street and my eldest son got very upset.

We have now calmed down but I feel that I'm ruining my familys life, they are lovely people and I want them to be happy, but I feel that I'm dragging them down and they would be better off without me. But I don't feel that I could cope on my own . (and I dont want too) I love them so much but I feel that I'm not worthy to have such lovely people around me.

My wife is saying the if it happens again she we leave me as 4 years is enough and she can't cope. I don't blame her.

Please excuse any spelling mistakes I'm sitting here crying and don't know what to do.
 
S

Sappy

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One thing I forgot to mention was that my eldest son said he wanted his old dad back not this one. Meaning before I was ill. He is 18 years old and a lovely boy/man. I don't want to ruin his life
 
yodel

yodel

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Hi Sappy

:welcome: to the forum

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time. It sounds like you really need to go and pick up the meds and start taking them again. Can I ask why you have been without them for two weeks? I can understand not being unable to pick up the prescription and being without meds for a few days but two weeks is an awfully long time to be without. This may be why you feel so frustrated and angry, anxious and depressed. Please consider getting the meds you obviously are prescribed them for a reason.

Hope things improve soon, keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

yodel :)
 
A

Apotheosis

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Hi Sappy & welcome to the forum,

I would think that the sudden stopping of the med which you were on has allot to do with this. Meds often suppress moods/emotions; & we can get very extreme emotions in withdrawal; it can take a long time to balance out from a med withdrawal.

How planned is all this? & what are your thoughts on staying/being med free?

I do get ratty sometimes, & short with people, but nothing like I used to get; my temper & outbursts have got me sectioned before, years ago. I remember one time stopping a very large prescription almost overnight; & it wasn't long before I was back in hospital.

Things are allot different today for me. Allot of what has helped me personally has been alternative healing, namely Reiki, but many alternative practises have been of benefit.

I don't know allot about you, but stick around & let people get to know you & I'm sure you will get support & some good advice. Do you drink or take drugs? I used to & it really didn't help, especially emotion wise.

The crying thing can be really healing, & is nothing to be worried or ashamed of, I used to cry allot at certain times, but don't seem to be able to any more. Hang in there & I'm sure things will improve. As for the tablet thing - remember that it should be your choice what to do, & go with your own intuition & feelings on the matter. It is after all you who has to take them; if that is what you decide to do.

Remember also that we are worth it, you deserve to have a happy life with your family. Take care.
 
Libra1

Libra1

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Hi Sappy and :welcome: to MHF, I am sure others will be along soon to give help, support and suggestions until then how is this? :hug:

If you have been depressed for approx 4years, who is looking after you? If it is your Gp could you not suggest at your next visit you are referred to a counsellor/hospital, you are allowed to ask for a second opinion.

Why have you not collected your tablets for the last 2 weeks or got someone else too? It really is important we look after ourselves, because if we do not, how on earth are we to look after our loved ones?? I am not critisizing you just trying to point out that we do need to work with our healthcare supporters.

I hope you feel a bit better tommorow, post again and let us know. :)
 
jackskellington

jackskellington

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Hi Sappy, and welcome

I don't think I can offer any advice at this stage as things aren't good with me right now and wouldn't want to give advice I wouldn't take myself.

But am happy to listen...

Jack
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi Sappy, welcome on board and thanks for your honesty. I think that there's a connection with the way you are and the sudden stopping of the meds. You should never stop medication suddenly, there should always be a tail off. Get back to the doctor and talk this through and get back on the meds.

I hope your wife was just reacting to the situation. Perhaps if you try to explain that your depression is very difficult to live with for you as well as her then it may help. She may benefit from some support from outside the family as well.

Keep coming back and talking and listening. This is a good community and realistic and you will not be fobbed off with false promises. There's lots of things to do besides take medication and perhaps we can offer some suggestions to you. Meanwhile, look after yourself :hug:
 
sandybob

sandybob

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hi sappy :welcome: to here ..

i think , like others have said, the sudden withdrawal from the meds might be a factor in this ...

go and get your tablets, start again .

i have been through that "they'd be better off without me" thought process many times , but when i look at my kids i realise i could never be without them .

family life isn't always rosy, and regardless of your illness , there will still be disagreements and arguments (especially with teenagers :eek:

you can get through this, i would strongly suggest you get hold of your tablets initially , and go back to your gp and discuss your worries ... perhaps some other therapy could be offered to you in adition to the meds

good luck mate

let us know how you're doing :hug:

sandy
 
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Sappy

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Thanks for all your responses.

The reason for not taking the tablets was really as simple as working some long hours and not being able to pick up the repeat perscription.

I'm going after work tonight to pick them up.

It's worth saying that over the last 4 years I have been off and on the medication but from September to January I was on the highest dosage I've been on 40mg and the 30mg was an attempt to reduce this as I felt very "strange" on the higher dose.

Once again thanks for your support and I will keep you updated.
 
yodel

yodel

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Hi sappy

hope you got your medication today. It might be worth looking into chemists that deliver, that way it takes the strain off getting them? My husband has been ill for 13 years and I have often said I will leave him, but we are still together and actually stronger than ever. I too have two teenagers one girl and one boy. My girl wants to be a counsellor or a psychologist and although she has been through a lot the experience has made her a good person. She is mature beyond her years and is so understanding of mental health issues. Obviously GCSE time is really important for any teenager and so frustrations and anxiety will be running high in your household I presume. Sometimes when you live with someone who is suffering you just want to yell out 'I'm affected by this too!' but instead of saying that you say hurtful things. I had to learn the hard way and now I would say we are a open and honest family.

Hope that your situation improves soon x :hug:
 
S

Sappy

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My wife got my tablets for me today. She was really annoyed that I didn't ask her to get them during the last 2 weeks. I can only agree with her, but I didn't want her to know that I had completly run out of them.

Feeling a bit better now but had a good cry at work today in one of the cubicles!! I bet there were some strange looks from others in the loo !!
 
D

Dollit

Guest
At least you got your meds and there's worse things than crying gone on in some of the loos in the places I've worked! Keep going Sappy. :hug:
 
Libra1

Libra1

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Hi Sappy, glad your wife got your tabs for you today. Have you started back on them?

Don't worry or feel guilty/ashamed of crying, it is a safety valve and needs releasing every so often, tho' for some of us every day some weeks. Try not to beat yourself up so hard for having a few bad days/week, happens to a lot of us :(

Do try and share your feelings/emotions with your wife in private, all your family care about you, but your wife will not understand how to help and support you unless you can explain. I do understand your situation, I was working, 3 teenagers all doing GCSE's and 'A' level exams their hormones and mine, and I was very resentful about my husband working away and never being with us.

I am glad you came back here again today:hug:, we are 'open' 24/7:)

Lastly have a quiet word with your big son, it wasn't his fault, or the other one who had not got all of his homework (he could always ask for an extention on homework/coursework deadline).

Hope you have an even better day tommorow :)
 
S

Sappy

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Took my tablets last night - It was a relief to know that I had them and that they should help.

Libra - I spoke to my eldest son and whilst he is still very angry / upset at me I think we made some progress.

Today I feel a lot better - I'm trying not think about what happended at the weekend, although I know I should not try to block it out but think of ways to stop it happening again.

We had a situation in the house this morning when my middle son didn't want to go to school, I stayed calm and I could see in my wife's face how pleased she was with me. I felt wonderful about that !

thanks again for all your advice - If it's ok I will keep you updated
 
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Dollit

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Sappy it's amazing to think that we can all benefit from each other's experience. There's a saying in AA that goes, "no matter how far down you have been you will see how your experience can benefit others" and that's very true for here. Well done for coping and yes, please keep coming back! :hug:
 
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