Roommate might have a serious mental disorder? Am I safe?

K

kelzomg

New member
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Colorado
#1
Hi, I am a female in my 30s and am currently working on a second bachelor's degree. I moved in with a male roommate in his 40s a couple of months ago. He seemed nice and normal the first couple of times we met but almost immediately after moving in, I began to notice strange behaviors. Within a couple of days he was practically crying to me about having anorexia and bulimia and wouldn't stop talking about it. He told me he went to rehab and lost his family (got divorced) because of it. I just sat and listened to him because he was drunk, and I didn't know what to say. He then confronted me the next morning about it, telling me I seemed to have "shrugged it off," and that he thought I didn't understand or care.

He asked me multiple times to watch a movie and "cuddle" with him on the couch. I refused and eventually started avoiding watching anything with him or sitting on the couch at the same time as him. Also, within just a few days of moving in, he told me he got an amazing job offer in another state and wanted me to move with him there. He said he had already found a college for me to transfer to. I told him I would not move with him. He asked again and again, each time acting like I was the reason he might miss out on this amazing job opportunity because I would not go with him. A similar situation to this was when he repeatedly asked me to play paintball with him, his teenage daughter, and his daughter's friends. I was not interested and told him I would not go. He repeatedly asked and tried to pressure me, telling me he had already told his daughter I would go. Then finally one morning he told me he called his daughter and told her he couldn't take her because I said I wouldn't go.

Then I started noticing all the lies. He lies about all kinds of things, big and small. One night we were out at a bar and he suddenly started acting paranoid and said we needed to leave immediately. I didn't want to leave so I pressed him on what the problem was. He proceeded to tell me there were a couple of guys in the bar to whom he owed money. So I told him if he felt uncomfortable he should leave but that I was having a good time and would stay. He told me I was not safe and needed to leave with him. I was certain he was making it all up so I refused to leave. He has lied about owning a 450,000 acre ranch, having suite tickets to sporting events (that for some reason he did not go to and instead watched tv on the couch), owning stocks in companies that are not publicly traded, being a bull rider, walking my dogs when he didn't, and many, many more things. He didn't outright lie, but I also overheard him insinuate to a bartender that he and I were more than roommates. Like I said, some lies are big and some are small. He may have even been lying about having an eating disorder and the job offer in another state. Some lies are very obvious but other times I have no idea if he is lying or not.

In addition to the lies, he often gets very drunk. Sometimes he is already drunk by the time I wake up in the morning. When he is drunk he is very sloppy (forgets to turn the stove off, runs into walls, heavily slurs his speech, etc.) and has had some emotional outbursts (throwing his phone in rage). One time I was sitting at the island in the kitchen doing something on my laptop and he drunkenly walked up behind me to see what I was doing, and I could feel him putting his body (especially below the hips area) up against mine. I am not sure if it was intentional or not, but regardless, I am not happy about it.

I have only lived with this guy for a little over two months. I have told family and friends about the situation, and a few have expressed concern for my safety. I have tried to research what might be going on with him, but cannot seem to uncover anything that fits. He is definitely some kind of liar, and if I wasn't as smart as I am, he would be manipulative also, but I think there is much more going on than that. Does his behavior sound familiar to anyone?

This is purely my own personal perspective, but I wonder if he may actually be abusive. He has mostly been nice and not made me feel physically threatened, but I was once in an abusive relationship, and it didn't start with any obvious signs of danger. The level of abuse escalated over time. And because I haven't been romantically intimate with my roommate and have mostly avoided him for the last few weeks, maybe the opportunity for it to escalate into abuse simply hasn't existed. But maybe if had I gotten involved with him romantically, which I think is what he may have wanted, things would have started to turn. Many of his behaviors remind me of my abusive ex--e.g. trying to pressure me into things I didn't want to do and then trying to make me feel guilty over it, lying in general, alcohol abuse and displaying anger when drunk, etc. Or maybe he isn't abusive. Maybe he has some other emotional or psychological issue. I do not know. Does anyone have any thoughts, comments, suggestions? I will most likely be moving out soon as I think I should not risk it with him. There is too much uncertainty.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
2,851
Location
Milky Way
#2
Whether he has mental health issues or not, he is responsible for his behaviour, you are doing the right thing by moving out if he's causing you to feel unsafe :hug: