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ROCD recovery after break up- can't move on

R

Raw

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2021
Messages
1
Location
York
Hi there,

Thank you for reading my post. I need to share how I feel as it's too overwhelming to keep in and not many people would understand unless they have had OCD/ROCD.

I broke up with my boyfriend 7 months ago as I had severe anxiety and really wasn't sure about my feelings from day 1. He is a wonderful person and the confusing thing is I still think of him as someone I care about and someone I deeply know and want in my life, at the same time I am not sure if I want him back and I feel stuck. This is how I felt throughout the whole time we were together, always on two minds; always appreciating him and liking so many things about him and at the same time disliking things so much that the thought of leaving was constantly in my head.

Anxiety wise I have been much better since I left him, at first I felt anxious even thinking about him or talking to him (even after the break up) but after time the anxiety dissolved. Now it's just this old feeling of being stuck in between, of wanting him and missing him but feeling like I can't commit or recreate the romantic feelings I need to feel for him. It's like my brain wants him but my heart doesn't.

I went through counseling which helped me process a lot and I thought I was moving on but I find myself stuck in between again. It just made sense that we should be together and I can't find peace accepting the fact things didn't work out.

I can't seem to move on yet I don't think I want to be back with him either, it is awful to be stuck in between and it feels like I will have these doubts and torments all my life and wonder why things happened the way they did and feel like I've missed out on the person that was perfect for me.

Has anyone experienced this? Could these thoughts be a residue of the ROCD even without the anxiety but just the thought pattern and constant ruminating?

Thank you,

Raw
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
898
Location
Southern USA
I don't know but don't get in your own way.
And welcome here!
 
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