• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

ROCD is Crippling my Sexual Relationship with My Partner - Advice Needed!

M

MelodyPond

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Louisiana
For at-least a year now my partner and I have been struggling with sex and intimacy. I experience an array of Pure O themes, but relationship ROCD and POCD get together to bully me most often. This past year has been very tough for me. I've lost my job twice, so there has been some added stress and certainly a spike in my anxiety.

During this time, I have been very anxious about any kind of intimacy or sexual activity - even masturbation. If I'm being honest I've been using avoidance as a crutch. Occasionally, I try to push through but he can tell that I'm uncomfortable. This is very hurtful and confusing for him, and he feels as though I don't want him and that I'm not attracted to him.

Anyone gotten over this hump before? I'm truly am desperate for any tips or advice. I'm afraid of losing him and crushing his confidence.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,089
Location
Nashua NH
For at-least a year now my partner and I have been struggling with sex and intimacy. I experience an array of Pure O themes, but relationship ROCD and POCD get together to bully me most often. This past year has been very tough for me. I've lost my job twice, so there has been some added stress and certainly a spike in my anxiety.

During this time, I have been very anxious about any kind of intimacy or sexual activity - even masturbation. If I'm being honest I've been using avoidance as a crutch. Occasionally, I try to push through but he can tell that I'm uncomfortable. This is very hurtful and confusing for him, and he feels as though I don't want him and that I'm not attracted to him.

Anyone gotten over this hump before? I'm truly am desperate for any tips or advice. I'm afraid of losing him and crushing his confidence.
I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing in your intimate life lately. Have you shared what has been going on with your partner? It might not make things better but at least he would understand. I have not had any personal experience in this area so hopefully others will chime in with their own testimony. But in case you haven’t talked about it yet as a start that’s what I would suggest. xo, j
 
M

MelodyPond

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Louisiana
I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing in your intimate life lately. Have you shared what has been going on with your partner? It might not make things better but at least he would understand. I have not had any personal experience in this area so hopefully others will chime in with their own testimony. But in case you haven’t talked about it yet as a start that’s what I would suggest. xo, j
This is a conversation that’s come up at least a few times within the year. During these past conversations I haven’t been very forthcoming about my ROCD theme because I don’t want to hurt or offend him. I guess part of me has also been afraid that he won’t believe me and will think it’s over between us. Most recently I was pretty transparent about my experiences and even gave examples of obsessions. Because I don’t want to share too many brutal details, I’ve asked him to go on YouTube to hear other people’s ROCD stories. He says that he has a better understanding of what I’m going through. We also talked about planning “sexy” date nights so that way I know what’s coming and can get into the right headspace. I’m not so sure how fun scheduled sex is going to be, but we gunna find out. 😂 😒 At this point I might be willing to try anything. I’m open to more suggestions.
 
T

Trentness

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
Messages
19
Location
Broken Arrow
Definitely tell him what's going on. It's scary but as a dude i would say i would start to think it was just me. My wife knows all my freaky thoughts and excepts me for who i am--she knows ocd is not me. He may be more excepting than you think--show him some literaure or forums about it.
 
M

MelodyPond

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Louisiana
Definitely tell him what's going on. It's scary but as a dude i would say i would start to think it was just me. My wife knows all my freaky thoughts and excepts me for who i am--she knows ocd is not me. He may be more excepting than you think--show him some literaure or forums about it.
Thank you for the support. Since this post, I've gone more in-depth with him regarding my intrusive thoughts. He has also read some articles about ROCD and has a much better understanding about what's happening behind my eyes. I still have a hard time with sex and intimacy. At this point I'm mostly interested in knowing how others in the OCD community deal with low libido or anxiety about sex. I need to get out of this rut. I get scared that I'll lose him if I don't fix this.
 
T

Trentness

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
Messages
19
Location
Broken Arrow
Thank you for the support. Since this post, I've gone more in-depth with him regarding my intrusive thoughts. He has also read some articles about ROCD and has a much better understanding about what's happening behind my eyes. I still have a hard time with sex and intimacy. At this point I'm mostly interested in knowing how others in the OCD community deal with low libido or anxiety about sex. I need to get out of this rut. I get scared that I'll lose him if I don't fix this.
That's good he knows. It's definitely a tough thing to fight your own thoughts, especially at times you feel they may be triggered. Here are a couple of links that may help you. I've had several forms of ocd over the years but have settled mainly on the pure o types of obsessions and compulsions. I did a lot of avoidance at first--not wanting to go anywhere or do anything that may trigger the ocd. I noticed the more I avoided, the worse it got. I was still getting ocd flare ups because I was so often thinking about how to avoid them. I try not to avoid too much now and I notice a definite decrease in ocd strength. Have you tried meds? There is a cheek swab test you can take with your doctor that will tell you which antidepressant/anxiety medicine is best for you. The first meds from the results worked great; the others I was taking had no affect.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
1,347
I just wanted to say ideally you need to be relaxed, at ease, happy and have stability and security. With so many negative things happening to you recently it could be deemed understandable you are feeling the way you are. In regards to your relationship as others' have pointed out, it's important your other half knows exactly where you are in regards to the above, and your true feelings towards him, and your commitment to your relationship. In my opinion through love and understanding your relationship will continue to flourish. Hope this helps :)
 
M

MelodyPond

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Louisiana
That's good he knows. It's definitely a tough thing to fight your own thoughts, especially at times you feel they may be triggered. Here are a couple of links that may help you. I've had several forms of ocd over the years but have settled mainly on the pure o types of obsessions and compulsions. I did a lot of avoidance at first--not wanting to go anywhere or do anything that may trigger the ocd. I noticed the more I avoided, the worse it got. I was still getting ocd flare ups because I was so often thinking about how to avoid them. I try not to avoid too much now and I notice a definite decrease in ocd strength. Have you tried meds? There is a cheek swab test you can take with your doctor that will tell you which antidepressant/anxiety medicine is best for you. The first meds from the results worked great; the others I was taking had no affect.
. Oddly enough, Youtube has been an incredible resource. I would agree that avoidance is certainly part of the problem and a hurdle that I need to get through.

I have never been on medication for OCD or any other mental health disorder. I guess you could say that I have a skewed perception of medication because of what my ex went through with meds for severe depression. So far I've tried to battle this with counseling and a healthy diet but if I'm being honest I do often wonder if it is enough. I think that I'm going to bring up all of this in my next session with my therapist.

Thank you, again. You've been a great help.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top