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N

NR01

Active member
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
27
Location
United Kingdom
I am currently within a long distance relationship and have been for years. However, the last time I drove to my boyfriends I experienced something different. First of all the days before I went out drinking with friends and ended up seeing a person that I associate with negativity and then the next day accompanied with a slight hangover which normally accompanies anxiety anyway. The next day was when I was driving to my bf's. I got up early (5amish) to start the drive. The drive itself was horrible, I was really tired, finding it hard to concentrate and falling asleep. I was obviously safe and pulled over and didn't drive until it was safe to do so. I was just not in the right mindset. When I got to my bfs I arrived before he did and was just chilling before he came. I was kind of in a "not bothered" mood? But I didn't pay that much attention to it. Later when he arrived he gave me flowers and other things and it was amazing. We were sat chatting and whilst I was listening to him I just thought "I don't love you anymore or you don't love him anymore". Ive had these thoughts previously in our relationship but shook them off within minutes and everything was normal. I told him I felt off and he reminded me about the long drive and strain for concentration. Over the 10 days I was there I went up and down. As we are both very busy at university (last year) this time he was more than me and he just constantly sat and did work. He did have imminent deadlines. But we weren't as close or intimate as we normally are. It was roughly the same the whole time. Since I left his I've been obsessing over these thoughts about not loving him and do I want to break up with him? Ive obsessed over these thoughts for so long that it's making feel sick and I can't concentrate on my own work. I am meant to be moving to his and starting a masters degree this year and I don't know if I am nervous and self sabotaging. He is aware of my feeling and has been so amazing. Every time I think about not being with him I get upset and cry but I don't know if that is just because he's my first serious boyfriend and I don't want to let go. I regret going to his because before I did everything was absolutely fine.. perfect infant and I want that back. I apologise for the really long message, I just can't stop thinking about it and can't stop thinking about it.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
7,656
Location
Teesside
You do love him that's just your brain playing tricks on you. I get intrusive thoughts too so I understand how distressing it is.

Could therapy help you? I know for me it helped me challenge my intrusive thoughts and behaviours. You can self refer in the uk you dont have to go through your doctor.
Hugs
Fox
 
N

NR01

Active member
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
27
Location
United Kingdom
You do love him that's just your brain playing tricks on you. I get intrusive thoughts too so I understand how distressing it is.

Could therapy help you? I know for me it helped me challenge my intrusive thoughts and behaviours. You can self refer in the uk you dont have to go through your doctor.
Hugs
Fox
Thank you so much for replying. The thoughts are getting way to much for us both so we’ve decided to take a week break not speaking at all. It’s so horrible how believable these thoughts are, up until I had the thought there was no problems with us. We are both struggling with university and the relationship was taking the heat of it. Me feeling like this isn’t helping either of us and it’s affecting our uni work. I’d feel so guilty if I caused him to fail or anything in his last few months. I’ve just emailed the counselling team at my university so hopefully I will be able to see someone from there. I just wish these thoughts would go away. It’s really nice to here that therapy helped you, I hope everything is still going okay :)
 
T

Toast6219

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
9
Location
WI
Thank you so much for replying. The thoughts are getting way to much for us both so we’ve decided to take a week break not speaking at all. It’s so horrible how believable these thoughts are, up until I had the thought there was no problems with us. We are both struggling with university and the relationship was taking the heat of it. Me feeling like this isn’t helping either of us and it’s affecting our uni work. I’d feel so guilty if I caused him to fail or anything in his last few months. I’ve just emailed the counselling team at my university so hopefully I will be able to see someone from there. I just wish these thoughts would go away. It’s really nice to here that therapy helped you, I hope everything is still going okay :)
Hello there! I was wondering if you have an update to your situation? Im going through something a little similar would like to hear how you're doing now and what you did to help yourself. Thanks!
 
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