- Mar 9, 2020
- United Kingdom
I am currently within a long distance relationship and have been for years. However, the last time I drove to my boyfriends I experienced something different. First of all the days before I went out drinking with friends and ended up seeing a person that I associate with negativity and then the next day accompanied with a slight hangover which normally accompanies anxiety anyway. The next day was when I was driving to my bf's. I got up early (5amish) to start the drive. The drive itself was horrible, I was really tired, finding it hard to concentrate and falling asleep. I was obviously safe and pulled over and didn't drive until it was safe to do so. I was just not in the right mindset. When I got to my bfs I arrived before he did and was just chilling before he came. I was kind of in a "not bothered" mood? But I didn't pay that much attention to it. Later when he arrived he gave me flowers and other things and it was amazing. We were sat chatting and whilst I was listening to him I just thought "I don't love you anymore or you don't love him anymore". Ive had these thoughts previously in our relationship but shook them off within minutes and everything was normal. I told him I felt off and he reminded me about the long drive and strain for concentration. Over the 10 days I was there I went up and down. As we are both very busy at university (last year) this time he was more than me and he just constantly sat and did work. He did have imminent deadlines. But we weren't as close or intimate as we normally are. It was roughly the same the whole time. Since I left his I've been obsessing over these thoughts about not loving him and do I want to break up with him? Ive obsessed over these thoughts for so long that it's making feel sick and I can't concentrate on my own work. I am meant to be moving to his and starting a masters degree this year and I don't know if I am nervous and self sabotaging. He is aware of my feeling and has been so amazing. Every time I think about not being with him I get upset and cry but I don't know if that is just because he's my first serious boyfriend and I don't want to let go. I regret going to his because before I did everything was absolutely fine.. perfect infant and I want that back. I apologise for the really long message, I just can't stop thinking about it and can't stop thinking about it.